DS and DH buffoonery

[Unusuallyirritated]

AIBU to feel really irritated by this?

Just went round to friends to play board games. DS 10 and DH were poking each other and play fighting almost constantly. Being really noisy. Having to be reminded when it was their turn. Not really following what was going on. DD 7 and DS 13 were brilliant. Hosts two kids were too.

I asked them to stop politely twice. I gave DH a look twice. I also then started to attempt to make jokes about it which wasn’t right but I was out of options. I felt really embarrassed and it ruined the night for me. I also think that DH was setting a bad example for DS.

AIBU to think that it’s rude? How would you feel as the host? They are really lovely and accepting people but I imagine even they were tested. But it might be just I have a low tolerance for that kind of behaviour.

They would never do this. They are the most tolerant and patient people I know. He’d know they would never do this.

I would be very upset and unimpressed. It's bad enough that your husband was acting like an idiot, but he was setting a horrible example for your son and actually encouraging him to play up. We work so hard to mold our kids into civilised people who others enjoy being around, and it's his own father fucking it up.

I would be having a very serious conversation with my husband over this.

Thank you. That’s how I feel. Once or twice ok but I’d asked them to stop twice.

The trouble is DH doesn’t take criticism well. When I said they had been rude he should have agreed and explained to DS but instead he got cross with me and sulked. Another poor behavioural model.

I think I would politely decline the next invite and let your DH and DS know why. They can't behave in polite society. I do find it worrying that your DH was both immature at the party and then immature by giving you the silent treatment. Has this become a habit? Is this one of the reasons you have been sensitive lately? I feel for you, OP.

Yes. If we get invited again I will. It was unbearable for me.

He’s very sensitive to any criticism but happy to deal it out. Not the best marriage at the moment. Thanks for your support.

Going against the grain here, but do you have any evidence it was annoying for anyone apart from you ?

In that sort of family/friends games scenario I can think of occasions where two people are having interactions like this, and it can just be funny / not a bother. It depends on the company and the extent of course.

No. No evidence of it being annoying for anyone else. But like I say, they are very laid back. So it might have been fine for them. That’s why I posted really. To see what the norm might be. Thank you. I appreciate hearing a different view. Sounds like you wouldn’t have found it annoying. Are you typically very patient (and if so any tips!)?

Your husband sounds like an arsehole sorry.

Well. Whilst it’s very rare that one word can adequately capture the complexity of a human being. Right now I agree! 😂

Im glad most people feel the same. Makes me feel more sane.

I was going to say similar. If nobody else showed any signs of being irritated or bothered, even the children, I wonder whether they just saw it as a nice father/son interaction.

I know you say the hosts are super laid back but I think it's incredibly unusual for six (?) other people to find something annoying and show absolutely no sign of it.

My DP gets like this with DS when we visit relatives/friends and it irritates me too. It starts off as a kind of ‘look what a fun dad I am’ kind of thing but then DS gets hyped up and it usually ends in tears (/a drink being knocked over/food spilled etc). My parents are elderly and quiet and DP and DS having a loud ‘tickle fight’ when we’re trying to chat/play a game, and I’m trying to make sure the kids behave, is just awkward and I can feel the disapproving looks. DP’s defence is always ‘we were just having fun’. I totally get where you’re coming from!

Sounds awful, I wouldn't be going to anything like that again with him. While I line a good laugh adults behaving like children is a big turn off for me and sulking is pathetic

Great word.
Irritating.

You can see what a grown man would "play up". Seriously!

Very irritating OP!

I dunno OP. It sounds embarrassing and unattractive but am I right in deducing from your later posts that he's a little socially awkward? If yes did he perhaps misread the situation, think he was being loads of fun and entertaining everyone for once and then felt humiliated later?

Regardless if he's a good husband and dad in general and nobody else seemed bothered I would let this go. It seems he was having fun anyway. I wouldn't be rushing back there with him though as it was a very unpleasant evening for you.

Are they ‘your’ friends? Sounds like he’s showing off making you feel embarrassed so you don’t want to go next time. One less set of ‘your’ friends.

How boring that they couldn’t be silly and have fun at a board game evening. It’s not a business meeting for goodness sake. If this is behaviour your friends would frown at why would you want to go round there?! Sounds a bit dull

Thanks. I’m interested in your perspective as it very much goes against the grain. I am wanting to challenge myself to see if my irritation was a ‘me’ thing. Most people seem to agree it’s irritating and/or rude.

I’m wondering why you see it differently. Can I ask how old you are (decade) and if you have kids please? I’m wondering if that might be why the difference. May be I’m turning into a grumpy old sod!! 😊

Oh and friends were fine, or seemed it. I was so irritated I couldn’t imagine they weren’t but it might be my hormones.

Originally my friends but he really likes them and enjoys their company so I don’t think this is it.

Oh that’s very balanced and measured. Thank you.

He doesn’t pick up on social cues. He won’t realise when it’s time to go. Overstays his welcome. Talks too much and doesn’t tend to listen much. But is jovial, chatty and good at filling gaps if it ever gets awkward. So a mixed bag.

I will let it go but I am wondering about talking with DS at some point to let him know what the social norms are. It was very disruptive behaviour and made it hard to play the game in any meaningful way. They had no idea what was going on half the time. I spent a lot of time letting them know what was going on because they’d missed it. So yes. Just stressful for me!

Thanks. Me too. I’m trying to be more forgiving and accepting. But I was really embarrassed.

That is totally it! Thanks for the solidarity.

The night did end a bit abruptly (not at all rudely) - it wasn’t one of those evenings where you lose track of time. But they are such a lovely family. Honestly, they have friends that I find unbearable because of their bluntness. They are super chilled and accepting of difference. Some of the kindest and most patient people you could meet. I think it would be impossible to know if they were irritated. That’s why I’m wondering if I’m just turning into a grumpy old woman.

I’m in my mid thirties and have 2 children. Born in the 80’s.

I generally have the perspective that people having fun is not a bad thing so long as it’s not at others expense. You didn’t mention anything over the top, and surely having a good time at a board game evening is the point? Otherwise, why do it?