DH threw away my wedding ring!

[Spencer0220]

I wish this was a joke. But it isn't. How would you handle this?

DH has a brain injury and can do things that make no sense. We usually laugh his mistakes off.

He was tidying the kitchen. I was in bed. I'd forgotten I'd taken my ring off in the kitchen. It was wet, so he wrapped it in kitchen roll. Promptly forgot.

DH threw rubbish in bin. Took bin out. Council emptied bins.

I realised next day. He remembered throwing wet kitchen roll away.

DH is mortified. I'm trying not be to upset around him because I know it was an accident and he doesn't think clearly.

But honestly I'm absolutely devastated.

Your ring is not your marriage, it's symbolic and nothing more. It's happened now and nothing can be done, no point dwelling on it.

Why don't you check out eBay, I sometimes sell vintage jewellery (I'm a magpie and end up with loads) and I've sold 14ct gold bands for around 60 pounds etc. you will find something you like second hand I'm sure.

As a place holder you could maybe go for a 1mm silver rings or 1.5mm, they are very cheap only between 3 and 10 pounds. I wear one of these all the time and have a few, they looks very feminine and surprisingly the one I've had on for the 18months has not bent out of shape! I don't take it off at all, even when I wash the pots as it's so narrow it doesn't trap water. I love it personally but it might not be everybodies taste as it's not very showy.

It was an accident and your husband has obviously really been through it health wise. This is a massive first world problem. It’s just a symbol - marriage is the real thing that you have in the man who lives with you, cleans up, and cares enough that he is upset about it. Take stock of what’s important. Many women are looking at their wedding rings on their hands today while their husbands are dead of similar conditions to your DH.

I have a silver polishing cloth which is impregnated with polish (saves any mess).

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/276330084502?chn=ps&_ul=GB&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=710-134428-41853-0&mkcid=2&mkscid=101&itemid=276330084502&targetid=1404115578893&device=m&mktype=pla&googleloc=9045078&poi=&campaignid=17218284410&mkgroupid=142217514411&rlsatarget=pla-1404115578893&abcId=9300867&merchantid=6995734&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAz8GuBhCxARIsAOpzk8wg3ygJzksdongD0KH9sO4dbDsfghUpplr-Fsn4f3XHJOaLvc-ooHEaAiGDEALw_wcB

I've been using mine for about 12 years so far. Anything I wear fairly regularly is fine. I just have to avoid things with hard to reach indents where I would mind if the indented but tarnished.

I would hardly expect to need to polish a ring being worn daily but one of these would sort it if you did need to.

Get a pretty silver ring. They don't tarnish. I wear one all the time and it's fine. They're very affordable.

I know. I'm incredibly lucky. He almost died about 3 months after we wed. Watching my mum prepare to do CPR was absolutely harrowing.

A friends husband lost his, they bought a new one & had it blessed.

dh and I both lost our wedding rings (in different circumstances). Both of us were really sad about each loss, and I know he was a bit cross about the circumstances around the loss of mine.

It feels difficult that something exchanged and given in love is no longer with us. But at the end of the day it is a symbol of your love, it is not your actual love.

I had a very cheap 'place marker' ring for several years. dh had nothing.

Then we could afford to replace our rings. Instead of going and buying replicas we found a workshop where we could make our own rings. He made mine, I made his. They are not perfect, but they are perfect in what they symbolise. They acknowledge the loss (of the rings, but possibly also of our youth, our good looks, our waistlines..) and they represent our shared approach to make the best of any situation.

@Spencer0220 I hope you find an equally positive way out of this.

I can understand your upset, but this can't possibly be his fault. The ring was well hidden in kitchen paper- so he just didn't know. Brain injury or not.

It might not need to be listed if its worth £300. BUT, what's your excess? Usually this will be around £250. In which case its not worth claiming. 😒

I don't mean to be unsympathetic but I think you have to take a bit of responsibility here. If you know your husband can do erratic/illogical things through no fault of his own then you need to be more careful with things that can easily be lost or broken, just like you would if you had a small child. Either have somewhere safe in the kitchen to put your ring when you wash up, or take it off in the bedroom.

Also can you put aside five or six quid a week? Then in a year or so you could go shopping for a new ring together.

He was the one who wrapped it in the kitchen paper. The brain injury meant he forgot what was in the paper

That's not what happened. Re-read the OP.

@Spencer0220 after a couple of lacunar strokes last year left me with a brain that doesn't co-operate or work properly anymore I know exactly how your husband must be feeling. As a wife whose wedding runs means the world to me I understand the devastation you must also be feeling.

I'm so sorry for you, but I just wanted to say thank you for being so wonderfully understanding when you have had something so personal and special lost to you. You cannot describe the frustration when your brain literally just doesn't work. I have an amazing husband but even so get so angry with myself sometimes.

My mum did that once with a pair of natural black diamond earrings. She loved them and was super precious about keeping them safe, so one day, she took them off and placed them in some tissue on her dressing table. When she was tidying up later on, she grabbed that tissue and threw it away.

It’s been 15 years and she still gets upset over it! Accidents do happen, but doesn’t make it any less painful. I’m sorry OP.

OK, sorry, apologies. Makes no difference- it is 'just a ring' and he has been through the mill and not well. Surely his feelings are more important here.

I understand that you are upset, it will always hurt but take the opportunity to buy a new one, go somewhere nice together and get your Husband to place your new ring on your finger. Make it special.

Thank you. You have no idea what this reply means to me. I also showed it to DH.

We try so hard to work with his needs, not against them. But this one thing has been really emotionally charged.

I have not ever tried to belittle his feelings. The brain injury make this such a minefield.

Ordinarily, I could show frustration, and a person would understand that I'm frustrated, but not angry at them for a mistake. The issue is that, if I'm not incredibly careful, he will assume I'm going to go on a verbal attack and divorce him.

Even though I would never, EVER do this, his perception of emotion can be really different, and if you don't understand how he sees the world, quite over the top.

Ah have a lovely day out and buy another one. It's just a bit of metal!

It's not just about the ring, I'm hearing, but how things have changed for you. There's a reason why he's crying and you are crying, and it's not just about the ring. The best thing to do though is let the feelings pass through you and then once you have stopped being upset, give him a big cuddle. It's quite common to lose rings and things, I've done it too, but not many people have been through what you have, and that's probably why this has made you both feel a bit fragile. Be kind to yourselves and each other, and a lovely silver ring (even quite cheap) will be something great to choose and wear, because you do have so much that is precious here.

Ah OP that is so rubbish.

The PP's suggestion of a pretty silver ring sounds spot on to me. I've been wearing an intricate silver ring for 10 years solid and it's absolutely fine. I have polished it about 3 times and it could probably use another go, but worn all the time it really doesn't tarnish noticeably. You can always replace it if you choose to at some point, but having something there might really take the pressure off.

I’d go on Etsy and buy a temporary replacement and maybe get an eternity ring for an anniversary within the next few years

It is a ring, not the end of the world
I hope you can plan to get another but would say , keep it on a chain round your neck
Please tell him it is ok, it is an inanimate object and you have each other which I would find of more value

My mum did exactly the same with her own and her mum’s ring that she had inherited. She was so annoyed with herself and upset. Unfortunately these things can happen.

Mum did the same thing with brothers retainer, wrapped in a napkin at a party and it got chucked, replacement was £££ that she didn’t have, luckily his teeth didn’t turn out too bad in the end.
sorry about your ring, these things happen, sounds like you have a lovely supportive and strong relationship, hopefully you can work towards getting a new one.