the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

I wouldn't have liked men on the post natal ward overnight but clearly some women feel it was important fir them. I understand that.

What I don't understand is women arguing that men are entitled to be there and post natal women need to be quiet and deliver them their experience.

For those who are in favour, from a logistics point of view, how are you proposing it is improved for other women? Where will you husband use the toilet, shower, eat, for example? What about ramping up security? What will the rules be and how will they be enforced?

I'd have had to check myself out of hospital as I would feel uncomfortable and unsafe sleeping on a ward with men. If women had a mother, sister, or friend with them I'm sure women alone would be offered help.

If an argument is that it isn't the fathers job to do the midwives role for them due to staff shortages then I'd say that also applies to other mothers who have recently given births themselves and should be focusing on their own babies, rest and recovery.

Yes. No other surgical recovery programmes promote looking after another human being whilst recovering from major surgery with little to no pain relief. Most people I know have had trouble getting paracetamol on the PN ward. I had laparoscopic surgery the year after my DC was born, the contrast with the post natal ward hell hole was extreme (calm environment, rest encouraged, kindness from staff, excellent pain relief to promote early mobilisation).

Agree.
There is no such thing as night and day on maternity wards except less staff

Also, some of you guys are going to be shell-shocked if you have to spend a lot of time in hospital with an unwell DC. They allow either parent to sleep on the ward with their child.

which is why we need more staff, separate rooms or better curtains.

but if you are capable of checking yourself out then you aren’t in the sort of state many mums on here are in when they need that help.
those that need the extra help can’t even sit up let alone check themselves out.

I had DS in a hospital where men were allowed.

Toilets - they used toilets for visitors, not patients.
Shower - showers were for patients only, if men wanted a shower then they had to go home for one.
Food - provided for patients only, men had to go and get their own food. Mine packed a lot of snacks too since it was made clear that food was provided for mums only.

That wasn't my argument. My view is that the wards should be single sex at night when women are vulnerable and sleeping. I'm in favour of female support. I could not focus on rest and recovery if I had a male stranger sitting a few feet away at night.

In this case the parent is not also a patient, bleeding and in a vulnerable state.

I can see both side of the argument.
But no other surgery gives you a tiny human that is totally dependent on you to mind all by yourself immediately!

Great, but I'm sure you've seen the posts showing that that's not always the case. So what are your proposals to ensure that this absolute minimum of respect for post natal women is universal?

Trust me, if you child is very unwell and you haven’t slept for 48 hours or more, you are in a vulnerable state.

Private en suite rooms for all. It’s achievable if women make politicians pay attention.

Which is fine if it is the child that is confined to a bed but not an adult woman. There is a huge difference.

I was kept in for blood loss. Yes, I was lucky to be fit and mobile, just lightheaded on standing. I was able and happy to help another mum. It would not be an issue having a male stranger in another room, I'm talking about a few feet away in the same room, just behind a curtain.

Bollocks.

My experience trying to look after a baby myself while numb and after my stomach has been sliced, was difficult.

My experience looking after my son when he was hospitalised with RSV was not difficult because I was not recoverying from major surgery.

Women are not total wimps with everything you know.

It's been an argument on this thread though. New mothers who have just given births themselves shouldn't be expected to be looking after other mothers and their babies.

This is where no one is ever going to be fully happy since not everyone is close to their mum or has a sister or wouldn't want a friend to see them in such a state. I'd rather risk being alone and struggling than having a friend see me bleeding everywhere and such.

I also don't like how it enforces that baby care = women only even though I understand the reasoning of no men allowed on the wards.

ive never been on a ward ,patient or visiting, when visitors used patients facilities including maternity wards and childrens wards.
Maybe the signs need to be bigger, I appreciate I don’t spend all my time roaming around wards though. 😳

You and I are on the same side of this argument. Read my other comments.

I am agreeing with you - the idea that men shouldn’t be involved in the care of their child in hospital out of hours literally is confined to a small number of old fashioned post natal wards where cruelty to post partum mothers isn’t limited to insisting they have no support from the child’s other parent.

I am actually really pissed off about this now to be honest and not just because I have parented alone all of my childs life but because we as women have to give up so much to allow men in our spaces already but maternity hospitals where women and ONLY women who were born women (cos I swear the trans shite will be the death of me) are for once safe in one space. Safe from the men who can intimidate them, abuse them, other men no matter how well behaved they are can be intimidating too. I am awake since 5am. Did I bring my dog for his walk then? No. Why? Because it was dark and I am a female alone and if i was to encounter a man who wanted to hurt me or violate me I am not strong enough to overpower him so I wait till it is bright out and cars out just for safety.
Men do not need to think that way. Men should never be in a space that is safe for other women. We should be allowed safety and privacy in at least ONE place men cannot bloody infiltrate.

For the women harping on about their hubbies and boyfies being 'just as much a parent' all well and good love but not at the expense of the taxpayer nor other mothers. Go book yourself in private or work out why you feel so needy without your partner for a couple of days and open your mind to why other women do not want your other half in their space.

Well said!

Private rooms for everyone would be the ultimate ideal. It seems we are one of a few countries who don't provide this for our new mothers and babies.

A close option would be a ward for females only and a ward where fathers would be allowed.

Unfortunately, both would require money and proper funding but the Tories don't care about the NHS or maternity services.

Well said 👏