the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

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Well its MN so nothing surprises me on here 🤣🤣🤣

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Well its MN so nothing surprises me on here 🤣🤣🤣

I agree with allowing biological female friends/family members is fine. I don't agree biological males should be at any point in a female maternity ward. As others have said they were leaking blood and needed to use the loo. They should never be humiliated by having to pass by men in the maternity ward to reach the loo. I had a C section and had to stay in bed until the morning, catheter in, when I was mobilised. Biological men should never be in a female maternity ward overnight. I left my stuff within reach at the bed station before I went for my C section and given first pain meds as taken back to ward before the nurse left.

I did a cartwheel 6 minutes after my c-section & they discharged me right away with a medal

"I was in a wheelchair for several days after a c-section with nurses having to wheel me to and from special care with one baby in sc and one on the ward.
Not everyone is the same.

I collapsed the day after my first vaginal birth apparently due to heavy blood loss
Not everyone is the same."

Sorry to hear @OOBetty I thought it would be obvious that was sarcasm

If men are allowed to be in maternity wards the entire time then I’m pleased I’m done having children.

What kind of hospital were you in where you had a chance to leave all your stuff in reach on a postnatal ward before going in for your c section??? Normally you get taken to a different place after the birth.

Also yeah - I loads of fucking time to get organised like that before my cat 1 emergency section. Yeah. Loads of time.

What part of women on here saying they couldn’t reach their babies can you not understand?

I remember the dad in the next bay watching the midwife manhandling my breasts to get baby to latch on ..there was a gap in the curtains,no matter how they were pulled he could see straight in .. perhaps if he'd moved his chair so his back was facing me ,but he didn't,he didn't even hide the fact he was watching.
The dad in bay opposite left me stood waiting, holding my pad in the loo while he took his morning poo in the toilet .he was in no rush ,he was also in the ladies and didn't care

Isn't it strange that everyone has a mother, and everyone has been born yet the conditions for women giving birth are dire

The problem is that care for women who are giving birth and have just given birth is sub standard. Facilities are sub standard or else there would be all private rooms in every maternity unit so partners could stay and other women would still have privacy.
If there were enough staff (or in some cases enough staff who care) then men wouldn't be let into shared spaces to 'help' (or to
Bond with their babies).
It's probably been said but if men gave birth then conditions would be improved (and I don't mean men pretending to be women cos that's a whole other story).

We put up with the status quo don’t we? Why should a postnatal ward look virtually identical to one of a person who’s just had a knee replacement, or just in there for observation?! And why do we accept that it’s fine?

Surely the argument here should be about better maternity provision for woman all round and that includes the designs/layouts of the postnatal wards that women are made to stay in!

I’ve had 2 children and thankfully gave birth in a hospital that had individual rooms and en suites. The thought of not having my husband there after the most emotionally and physically draining episodes of my life makes me feel incredibly sad and vulnerable. I would not be opting to put myself in that position given the chance. It’s my husbands child too.

Also, we read all these stories on here and elsewhere about how men are shit/men do nothing/men leave everything to the women etc etc but yet what message does it send to them if they’re packed off home for a good nights sleep and told they’re not needed during the first hours of their childs life! It’s madness.

Some women can’t - or won’t - cope with any situation on their own. When I had my children it was strict visiting hours and patients only on the ward at night. It was common to be in hospital for at least a week after delivery. Now it’s only a day or two.

we need to take a step back and think of other patients privacy - not some women’s need to have a partner around 24 hours a day. You’re mature enough - in most cases - to have a baby so you’ll cope for 24 hours without a constant companion. Or pay for a private room if you can’t. No one else wants your partners littering up a ward when they may be feeling vulnerable after giving birth.

Sadly, you are so right. If men gave birth it would be completely different. It's still appalling, given they have mothers and most children themselves that it is this way. That's what the discussion should really be about

Anyway
Anyone thinking the NHS will ban dad's on post natal ward is dreaming
It takes the pressure of midwives and staff ,
With no dads there
Midwives would actually have to respond to the call button,and do more than all sit chatting in their office

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/sep/30/mother-and-baby-fell-deaths-hospital-charlotte-bevan-zaani-bristol-inquest

Not everyone "copes". I gave birth to DS at St Michael's about 3 months prior to this incident. The midwives and nurses were amazing and v helpful but they can't have eyes on everyone all of the time.

It’s not about women ‘coping’. It’s about women and babies not getting physical care after major emergency surgery in many cases.

By all means ‘take a step back’ but these times when women were in hospital for a week were also times when the NHS had more staff. The problem here is lack of staff.

Your private room argument doesn’t swing either. There aren’t enough. Thankfully in my hospital since covid, private rooms are now prioritised for the most traumatic births. You can’t pay for them.

The problem here is lack of staff

Then we need to get rid of the useless males and show the issue in it’s true light.

This is awful!

There was also that recent case in Italy where a mum suffocated her baby by accident after falling asleep with it on her, as she was so exhausted after a long labour and no one around to help her rest.

Fucking hell.

a) Regardless of what problem you show, the reality is that the lack of staff won’t be solved anytime soon or ever.

b) No one needs to be shown it’s a problem. EVERYONE KNOWS. Not just by the countless stories on mumsnet of women’s shitty postnatal care, but my stories from friends, the news, NHS complaints….I could go on. Why do you think it needs to be highlighted any more or made any worse?

I had no idea I wouldn't cope. No one had any warning my mental state would deteriorate alongside my physical state.

I'm sorry that happened to you. There is clearly an issue with the behaviour here.

I do think the two ward option is best here. No visitors and visitors.

I find this all really bizzare.. my husband is just as much a parent as I am, and I expected him to be there the entire time. I had an elective c section and he changed our babies first nappy, fed her, let me sleep, went and got me nice food, ran and got me a sick bowl when I was sick. I paid absolutely zero attention to anyone else on that ward - I couldn’t have even told you if there were other men there. I felt completely at ease having my husband there, and if he wasn’t allowed to stay then my birth experience would’ve been completely different. I really feel for women that have to do it all alone.

I'd be happy with a female support being allowed to stay overnight too. There is nothing about caring for the new mother or baby that requires a male specifically. Women traditionally would have had perinatal support from other women.

my husband is just as much a parent as I am

You had major surgery - you were in hospital to recover. No other surgery allows overnight visitors.

I do wonder if the use of open postnatal wards in the UK affects breastfeeding rates. When you're tired after birth and it's not going well straight away it might not take much for you to pack it in. Having men there all the time would only make it more difficult for women struggling.

@Scarletttulips that’s because no other surgery results in a newborn baby