the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

male staff would not be sex offenders they would not pass dbs/crb check

as for visitors, the wards are busy during day with nurses/cleaners/hearing test ladies/doctors etc walking in and out of the ward,unlikely an assault could take place,different story at night to pounce on a sleeping woman and put hand on mouth or pillow on face

woman who has just had a stomach operation and stomach muscles cut open would unlikely be able to fight a man off, if not that it could cause stitches to come apart and cause another complication

@strawberryswizzler but most people don’t have £10k…

I hated being alone post csection.

Then a couple of years later I started volunteering in our local postnatal ward and realised how many women use that window where there are no visitors on the ward to report incidents of DV and request support.

That put my 4 days on the postnatal ward into perspective. Giving a woman and her baby at risk of abuse or violence a chance of a safe life was worth my discomfort.

But postnatal wards need more midwives/HCAs.

That only works if there's a private space for everyone who wants a male partner there.

As I said, I delivered in the US. Women are allowed privacy in hospitals there after delivery - private or at worst semi private rooms for all, with ensuite shower and loo where I delivered, and there were enough nurses and nursing aides to provide appropriate care.

British women accept appalling conditions for maternity care.

Huh? Walking around in their pants?

then have more faith in the qualified nhs staff.

After having my baby in covid DH was only allowed in for an hour a day. It was a nightmare. My epidural took ages to wear off and I was stuck in bed unable to reach my suitcase or the baby cot or get up to get food. There were nowhere near enough staff to help, they were clearly doing their best but they just couldn’t keep up with the non-medical taking care of us things as well as the essential medical stuff.

They either need to let partners in to help or have enough staff to do it all. I doubt there’s the money for additional staff.

I had bad PND and anxiety following that birth and I really think being alone with no support and no sleep for 3 days post birth contributed to that.

Very important yes. But again, you are dismissing the impact it has on many women to be left on their own as "discomfort". It can be deeply traumatic.

You’re in denial @strawberryswizzler. Read the replies to your post. Women have been left for hours unable to care for themselves or their babies. There are not enough qualified carers. That is a fact. Women are suffering as a result. You are refusing to acknowledge these women, who are telling you their traumatic birth stories.

My 16 year old son had a routine op that had complications which required him to stay a night on the adult ward in the men's bay. I wasn't allowed to stay with him.

Ooooh yeah. Rife. First thing in the morning they get up and walk to the women’s toilet to have a piss. And leave the seat up. Or piss on the floor. Or both. Or worse, take a shit and cause a revolting smell while preventing women who actually need the closely located toilet due to birth and or a section, from using it. Just foul.

I completely understand the argument on both sides.

Ideally, I think separate wards - one for women who want it to be female only and one for women who want their partners there would be the best solution but again, that isn't going to happen any time soon.

I understand why some women don't want to share a ward with strange men at night, especially considering some of the behaviour reported on this thread but I also understand why some women would feel more vulnerable without their partners there, again, especially after reading about some women describing it as the worst night of their lives because they were left to look after a newborn alone whilst also trying to recover from major surgery.

What about them? They will cope like the rest of us have done. If we keep trying to plug the gaps with men, staffing levels will continue to drop, care will get worse, and what on earth will happen to women without a helpful partner? It's not mothers giving birth tomorrow that I'm worried about, it's mothers of 5/10/20 years from now - it will snowball if we don't do something about it.

It's awful to see women pitted against one another, citing their needs.

The old divide and conquer is working well, eh?

Petitions should call for adequate staffing, which would remove the need for untrained males in a female space.

no i’ve actually said i was one of those. my postnatal care was shocking but the answer is still not to allow random men on wards full of vulnerable women overnight. and why would you want women to settle for that anyway? why should we be relying on unqualified partners to provide care?

‘Untrained males’. How does my husband train to become a qualified father @mathanxiety ? He’s there to care for his baby not me, as I will be incapacitated, and unable to do so.

Maternity wards need to be redesigned so everyone has their own space. Even if it’s open bays on a large ward but with solid walls. Being separated from some random man by a curtain when you’re utterly vulnerable is not on.

I wouldn't care about all the other 'random men' on the ward if it means I can have my DH there with me. The first 2 nights after C-section was hell on earth

@strawberryswizzler I don’t think men should be on women’s wards. I think men should be allowed overnight in private rooms. Or women should be able to have a female overnight carer, eg their mother.

Exactly. So why should da menz be allowed around vulnerable women who have just given birth?! It's fucking ridiculous. MEN staying on a maternity ward after their baby momma has popped out their sprog. I have never actually known it happen. Once again, the parallel universe of Mumsnet strikes. In the real world, I have never know any man stay overnight in the maternity ward. Utterly ludicrous idea.

So provide the staffing...

Exactly. NONE of the baby daddies are qualified to care for a woman who has just given birth. Stupid STUPID idea to have them staying on the maternity ward!

@mathanxiety what about us women having a c section this week? Next week? There aren’t the staff. So what do we do? We’re terrified

@EbonyRaven dads are there for their babies, not the patient

Not everyone on this thread coped. It's a shame that their experiences are largely being dismissed.