To ask if very late potty training is a sign of SEN

[Longwe]

I’m starting to worry a lot about my child. He’s 3 years 2 months and I’ve really tried potty training but we aren’t getting anywhere at all.

His peers all seem to be trained - some accidents which I’d expect but I’m concerned he’s not really progressing at all. Does it mean he has SEN?

Probably just lazy. All children are different. Try bribery.

“Does it mean he has SEN?”

not by itself, no. In combination with other signals, possibly.

I think it can be. But each child is different. You just have to perservere.
I found a you tube video called something like stevie goes potty and it really clicked with my son. X

It can be but it doesn’t mean he has SEN. If you’re worried then talk to your HV.

What have you tried so far with potty training? Is he hitting all his other mile stones?

Ask the health visitor for some materials online and on paper. They usually help fast

That's not really late.

If you google its average. A study in the US puts it at 39 months.

My son was 3-4 when he finally got out of nappies. My daughter potty trained herself just after she turned 1. I never worried about son being SEN- he was just happy for me and dad to sort all that for him 😂

Are there any other indications that he has SEN?

This alone doesn’t suggest SEN, but it depends how well he’s been taught what he needs to know to toilet train. Even if he does have SEN, his body should be physically really by now.

I would say that alone doesn't necessarily mean he has SEN unless there's other things your worried about - all children progress differently though so try not to worry too much and just continue what you're doing and if you're worried speak to HV or GP x

I wouldn't say that sounded particularly late.

Is there anything else that's worrying you?

I would say that if late potty training is your only concern, but your child is speaking well, understanding instructions with two or more pieces of information, e.g. can I have the small, blue brick? And has good motor control in other areas, I wouldn’t worry too much. All children do things in their own time, and may “concentrate” on one skill set first.

If you are worried about other things too, then the toilet training could potentially be a piece of a jigsaw. For now, I would have a chat with nursery staff if they go to see if they have any concerns (if you do).

Otherwise, just enjoy spending time with your child, chatting with them, reading books with them, try to have as many real world rather than screen-based experiences as possible. Don’t worry about toilet training for now - he may be ready for another try over the Easter weekend if you are at home lots. Good weather always helps for potty training, if only to make drying the resultant laundry easier!

It can be but if he's meeting all his other mile stones I wouldn't worry my now 17 year-old was the same age and it just clicked he had no SEN
My severely autistic son however didn't toilet train until he wss nine .

Not unless combined with any other factors / signs of SEN.

In my personal experience boys do tend to take longer. I’d say about 3 and a half.

HV hasn’t been massively helpful. Not a personal dig but if he can’t do it he can’t do it I guess. Just worried.

Ds1 was just about to turn 3 when he told me he wanted to wear pants and that was him done for daytimes. Still has nighttime accidents now some nights - he’s 7.

ds2 was an absolute different story: 10 pairs of pants a day at nursery; screaming terrified of the potty or the toilet. Then; I took a week off work, the week before he was due to start school nursery - he was 3 years 6 months. I bought him little boxer shorts instead of tight legged pants and it took the whole week but he got there - and has been dry day and night since, he’s 4 now.

no SEN between them

Well, we have a tumble drier so that’s not a problem but changing numerous pairs of soiled and wet pants a day is getting me down a bit. I’m sure the poster above meant to be helpful but I’ve no idea why it’s been assumed we just sit in front of a screen all day

OP that wasn’t what I meant at all, I was just suggesting some things that can be protective factors. My eldest was in special school from 3 with very limited language and other difficulties but is now at 16 doing very well. That is what was suggested to me to provide additional enrichment on top. I made no assumption about your parenting at all, just that I was told that with a vulnerable child I should be doing extra all the time with him.

I would guess you have noticed other things to have come to this conclusion. I think it is common to question if things are a sign when you have concerns. Talk to you Health Visitor/preschool etc about all your concerns. They may see things you don’t and will also keep more of an eye out if you mention it.

I have a child in special school with speech delay and motor skills delay. He was fully potty trained, night and day, well before he was 3 years so they very much don’t necessarily go hand in hand.

It could be personality, it could be SEN, it could be a specific physical issue, it could be experiences/environment. Try the ERIC website if you haven’t already.

Meh. Both of mine were 3 before they were toilet trained. No SEN. It's within the range of normal.

DS was finally toilet trained at four years and two months. It was very easy to train him this late on because he completely understood what he was supposed to be doing and all his friends were trained so he was inspired to join them! He was trained in a week with the help of nursery. My DS does not have any learning difficulties.

All children are different and learn at a different pace. I would take a break and go back in a couple of months. Does he go to nursery? My DS never took toilet training seriously with me but I agreed with his nursery they would start training him from drop off on Monday morning and he was toilet trained at nursery by Wednesday! It's definitely worth speaking to nursery and getting them on board to help you.

Given that we now regularly have children joining our Reception class wearing nappies, I don't necessarily see a correlation.
DC1 was an early 'self-trainer' who literally just needed to be shown her potty and cracked on with it, but DC2 took much longer. We used a variation of the 'Poo goes to Poo Land' story (googlable) and full-on bribery. We'd sit DC2 down on the potty at the slightest sign of needing to go, watch cbeebies until it came, and present a reward ‐I got a bundle of second hand figurines DC2 liked on eBay and handed one out with each poo. This went on for about a month.
DC1 does have SEN. DC2 is very able academically.

We didn't train my ds until that age. He was around 3 years and 3-4 months. He would not have understood it before then. He picked it up really well as he had better communication at that age.

Thanks. I am fairly confident I’ve tried everything but no joy. Nursery and preschool both say to keep going but we just haven’t got anywhere which obviously is a worry.

My eldest was 3y4m when we trained him - just wasn't ready (or willing) before then and I was pregnant so couldn't deal with all the extra washing. He nailed it in a week over the Easter hols and one year later he's dry at night too.

Thanks. I guess I’m worrying because if I’m honest I would have expected him to understand at this age.