To ask if very late potty training is a sign of SEN

[Longwe]

I’m starting to worry a lot about my child. He’s 3 years 2 months and I’ve really tried potty training but we aren’t getting anywhere at all.

His peers all seem to be trained - some accidents which I’d expect but I’m concerned he’s not really progressing at all. Does it mean he has SEN?

3 is very young still to 'get it', especially for boys. I know of little boys who still have accidents in Reception (and not down to lazy parenting or because there is something wrong with them - they just get it at their own pace.

Mine were both well over 3 before they potty trained.

I tried a few times, but they had loads and loads of accidents/little awareness I stopped and went back to pull ups and tried again in a few months time. When they were actually both ready, they cracked it in a day or two.

A lot of people have 'turning 3' as some sort of magical milestone in their heads, but my (anecdotal) experience is that early potty trainers had loads and loads of accidents and this went on for months if not years. I'm definitely happy with my approach of waiting to take my cues from them no matter when that is.

Also bribery with chocolate raisins...

PS I'm not sure about the 'boys later than girls' thing as it doesn't correspond with my own observations. That's just me though.

If he can follow a 2 step instruction like get your coat and shoes, and express other needs such as wanting to take his jumper off because he’s hot or wanting a drink because he’s thirsty then he should be ready and it’s probably just laziness, defiance and/or lack of motivation. Laziness on his part obviously, not yours! Not wanting to stereotype either but some kids, and IME they’re mostly boys, don’t care about being wet or dirty e.g. they’ll roll in mud in the park and be remotely bothered. Not sure if that applies? But if it does bribery oftens works well for these kids as it’s an external motivator!

Also have you had a hearing check? I’d be worried about the not responding to his name and inappropriate answers to questions so I wouldn’t assume no hearing issues unless you’ve had it checked very recently because it might not even be SEN related. Glue ear which is really common in under 5s means they’re hearing like they’re underwater so they can hear ok sometimes but with background noise or if you’re not straight in front of them it becomes a lot harder. It can also come and go in each ear so sometimes it can appear hearing is fine, other times it really isn’t. So maybe worth investigating if you haven’t already.

As lots have said impossible to say based on that alone. Anecdotally DD2 was a nightmare when toilet training, really difficult. She's mid teens now and viewed as bright, mature and capable at school.

Do you mind linking it? I can’t seem to find anything like it

3/4 of my children (the three boys) all potty trained at 3y4mo. The eldest didn't night train until reception, but the others were day and night dry in one go. They just weren't ready before then.

They're now 12, 11, and 9...and no SEN. The eldest still wets the bed maybe once a week but bed wetting is heredity in the males in our families.

Sounds like he has some speech and communication issues which are more of a sign of sen than the toilet training, especially not responding to his name