To ask if very late potty training is a sign of SEN

[Longwe]

I’m starting to worry a lot about my child. He’s 3 years 2 months and I’ve really tried potty training but we aren’t getting anywhere at all.

His peers all seem to be trained - some accidents which I’d expect but I’m concerned he’s not really progressing at all. Does it mean he has SEN?

It can be yes. But it's not diagnostic in itself. Do you have other concerns?

Mine was nearly 4, no SEN just wasn't ready. You don't need to do this, but I didn't take the nappies off until they indicated they were ready. We had barely any accidents.

Every child is different. Try not to worry.

Have you tried a reward chart?

I don’t exactly have other concerns but communication is an issue.

Have you tried the oh crap naked method?

What kind of communication issues? In most areas you can self refer to speech and language therapy.

So you are thinking possible autism? Issues with interoception, change can be features of this. But being at the slightly later end of normal for potty training would not be the most significant indicator.

Yeah, I hate oh crap. Sorry.

I am not necessarily thinking autism. I don’t know what’s normal, he talks a lot but most of it doesn’t make any sense.

Not always.

Mine was late day time and then night time wetting until we could get referred to enuresis clinic at 7 and was on desmopresson until he was 16!! A* student so definitely no SEN that would have played into potty training

My youngest just didn't seem to get the idea. I was a bit despairing. He was three. I was in the bathroom when he came in. He climbed up on his step to the loo, sat down (we had a child seat installed), did the business, wiped, flushed, washed his hands and left. I was standing there open-mouthed and he was perfectly day trained from that day forward. He was a heavy sleeper so he did wear a night nappy for a while longer. I seem to recall some special underpants with dogs on that he was quite keen to live up to and keep clean.

We got a urinal for ds when he was 3.It was a plastic one that you attached to the wall that looked like a frogs face.He enjoyed standing up to wee.

It can be a sign of SEN but the age you quote isn’t that late. It was the chosen time a few years back. We tried our DC at 2.5 because the US nursery room he was going up to more or less immediately after his 3rd birthday was dependent on this. However, once there there were quite a few unreliable 3 and 4 year olds and a certain amount of accidents were expected. I noticed some parents took in pull ups. Our DC wasn’t too unreliable by 3 and fine by 4. UK friends mentioned that their kids and peers had accidents in school reception year. They are all different and your DC will probably get it soon.

Mine was almost 4 before we got him clean and dry. He is entirely neurotypical and has a master's degree.

Not on its own, no, but with other things yes.

It can be OP - but at 3 years and 2 months it's too early to tell.

My lazy, NT DS1 only deigned to potty train after his baby brother was born, so I was then juggling a potty-training 3.5-year-old with a newborn! The good thing about being so late starting that he was dry both night and day in a week.

Mine are neurodiverse and potty trained early and easily. Probably because of their sensory issues and maybe that they are very bright.

Not sure but was an easy part of parenting for me.

Mine were all 3 and a half before they were out of daytime nappies (more like 5 or 6 at night). All very bright and doing well in school/life. I wouldn't see just over 3 as 'very late' (but then this is MN, where people think 16 months is 'very late' to walk - two of mine were 18 months). And on its own it's not an indicator of anything. What do you mean about the communication, though - what does 'not making any sense' look like?

And yes to it being a very quick process at that age. I can count the number of accidents we had with any of them on two hands. Better than months of washing underwear/sheets IMO.

My DS was 3.5 when it clicked. We'd tried a couple of times but it wasn't working. So stopped and had complete breaks before trying again. We were both getting so stressed it was pointless continuing. The last time it took 3 days for it to click.

He's 22 now and has no issues.

• Struggling to potty train
• Difficulties with communication

Does he get upset if things change/are unexpected/he can't have the same thing each time?

Does he have sensitivity issues with clothes, tastes, noises?

Does he have any trouble amongst other kids? Any problems with hitting?

Put him back in pull ups for now as it's not working, and multiple accidents a day only stress both you and him out. This is your shout, not nursery's. You can still encourage him to use the potty or toilet, but without the pressure you're both currently under. He won't be wearing nappies forever!

I would be raising some concerns regarding his speech, potty training aside. He might just need a bit of help talking.

I have 4 adult ND kids, and they all potty trained between 2 and 2 1/2, so it's not necessarily an indicator. My eldest had speech like yours at that age, and when he decided he wanted to talk at 3 1/2, he was quickly articulate.

Tbh yes .. not stand alone though

What do you mean he talks a lot but most of it doesn’t make sense?

Is he repeating whole sentences?
Does he know your names and call them?
Does he follow simple instructions?
Can he ask for something?

I have experience with both ND and NT but toilet training wasn’t an indicator. I didn’t even consider toilet training any of mine until after they had turned 3yo as none showed any interest before then. Mine ranged between 3yo - 3.5yo and every time it was over and done in a day for most with less than a week for the outlier who was slower than the others.

Well, we can’t have a diagnosis over the internet. I just wondered as we seem to be struggling so much. Speech, he talks a lot but answers completely out of context eg what’s your favourite colour there’s a dinosaur mummy. Doesn’t respond to name consistently, I get blanked a lot.