To ask if very late potty training is a sign of SEN

[Longwe]

I’m starting to worry a lot about my child. He’s 3 years 2 months and I’ve really tried potty training but we aren’t getting anywhere at all.

His peers all seem to be trained - some accidents which I’d expect but I’m concerned he’s not really progressing at all. Does it mean he has SEN?

You really need to get him on the pathway for support. Early intervention makes such a difference.

What you sought any medical advice yet about his communication issues?

What do you mean?

DS2 didn't stop wearing nappies until 3.5. Once he decided he wanted to be out of them ( and believe me, we had tried and had potties around since 2 ) he was dry in a day and then dry at night a week later and has 0 accidents in the 8 months since. I don't bekeive he has SEN, just didn't want to do it until he wanted to do it.

I think the poster means you need to seek help from a GP and raise your concerns as if there is a diagnosis there then it's better to get it early to help child with any difficulties.

Portage also may be able to help and you can self refer to them.

Ah right well we’ll see how things go (no idea what portage is!)

3 years 2 months isn't particularly late, especially for boys in my experience. Nursery will encourage you to persevere because it ultimately makes less work for them, but if he isn't getting it then just put him back in pull ups and revisit in the summer when clothes are generally lighter and easier to take off.

Honestly, I worried so much over potty training DS and got unnecessarily caught up about what other people, including nursery workers, would think. As if it was somehow a reflection of our inability to parent, or laziness, that he didn't get it, neither of which were true. I should have listened more to those other people, mostly friends with older children, who told me to take the pressure off and he'd get it eventually, no need to stress. He did, and when he was ready (at close to 3.5) it was easy.

Yeah I worry a lot that people will think I’m just being really lazy!

I mean your child has communication difficulties and most of what he says don’t make sense. This is not the norm. You need to see the GP and find out who they think is the most appropriate service so offer him help. The earlier he receives help the more effective it will be.

OK, well we’ll see how things go. I have no idea what’s normal and no one else has raised concerns so I think going to the GP now is unlikely to be helpful.

Have you had his hearing checked if you’re being blanked a lot? Would be worth having this checked as can have a big impact on communication/ language (not just newborn check but as an older child I mean). Locally we can self refer to hearing services but worth seeing what you do in your area.
Were potty training our 3 year old this weekend. Finding it incredibly tedious
although sure our problem is he’s just lazy rather than anything else. To be honest I don’t think 3 years is particularly late, if it’s not working now have a break and retry.

My son was 4. I was worried he would be going to school in nappies.

After lots of potty training on and off he said I'll use the toilet when I'm 4.

The day he turned 4 he used the toilet. No accidents at all from then on. Still wears night nappies but we are beginning to wean off those as he is now 6.

As others have said, it’s only a concern if you have other development red flags. For what it’s worth I have one child who is neurotypical (as far as I know) who was a nightmare to potty train at 3.5 and an autistic child who potty trained at 3 much quicker.

It sounds like you’re more worried about being thought badly of than there being any developmental delays? If so just don’t be an arse about other people’s kids development and they won’t do it about yours.

My eldest was potty trained at 2and half and never had a wet night either.
My youngest was nearly 4 and had wet nights till he was 8.
And one wet night at 10.
No SEN at all just different.

I also really don't think that age is particularly late. I'd take a break from it and try again in a month or two. I remember other parents battling for weeks and months with it when their children just were t ready. One parent was adamant her DD was fully potty trained on a day she was at our house and had 10+ accidents (thankfully we were in the garden). This was a regular occurence. Poor girl just wasn't ready (age 2.5 at the time).

DS has a diagnosed condition he's 11 and has sensitive / overactive bladder and the muscles around it. He was therefore very slow to train and is still under the continence team and on medication.

So it could be something like that.

I would advise just persisting and taking the emotion out of it. It's possible he's not lazy / not trying hard enough but just physically can't do more than he's doing

It may work for your child though. The science behind it is sensible, children feel the wetness best when they are naked, and they can see that they are weeing. That's when it starts to click into place. Children are so used to the sensation of weeing when wearing nappies that they don't consider the mechanism behind it, it's just something that they do.

I’m not sure how to take that. I’ve never knowingly been an arse but if I have said something on this thread that has been taken that way then I can only apologise. I don’t know what, though.

Hearing is fine.

Your not lazy at all and dont worry what others will think as i said above my youngest was almost 4 but he still had accidents in the day and this happened even when he was 5&6.
Never had a dry night till he was 8 apart from 1-2 accidents when he was 10.
It just takes time.

My DTs were 3y 10m when they toilet trained. I tried numerous times beforehand, but they just didn’t get it. My DS just decided he wasn’t going to wear nappies one day and whilst he had a couple of accidents that was it done, and his sister followed suit a couple of days later.

No what I meant was unless you are operating in a particularly criticise and compete with each other about children’s development type atmosphere nobody is going to think you’re lazy because your child is in nappies.

I’m not sure about that, but thanks!

No, definitely doesn't mean SEN.

I have 2 DC, one SEN and one neurotypical.

Neurotypical child didn't potty train properly until they started school. I tried everything and she was still wearing a nappy on her 4th birthday. However, as soon as she started 'big school' she was dry both days and nights.

DC with SEN was also late toilet training and wasn't dry until 6ish, but this was just one symptom of many (and not the first sign something wasn't quite right).

Not necessarily. Both of mine are neurodivergent and were potty trained and dry at night before any of their friends, at age 2.
You have to look at other signs as well.

Hi op,

3.2 isn’t late for potty training really. Especially not for boys. It’s usually any time by 4. And it’s supposedly easier in the summer.

However, I am a bit more concerned by what you’ve mentioned about him not always responding to his name and him blanking you. My son only does that when absolutely engrossed in the tv until I turn it off. I would recommend you do just query this with the GP.