Partner makes me food I don't like

[BestieNo1]

AIBU and spoilt here!"? I'm in two minds!!

My partner sometimes makes me food thinking he is doing me a big favour/nice thing but I don't like what he makes and what makes it worse is that I think he doesn't even know me or care!

For example, we come in from a night out and he makes me tea and toast. Nice right!? But he makes very strong tea (I have for 20 years liked mine weak) and the toast is white bread with loads of jam on it. I have been vocal that I don't like white bread and haven't in all our relationship (I get it for him and the kids) so I get presented with food and drink that I have never liked and expected to be grateful?!

I make his food exactly how he likes it. His drinks how he likes it in his favourite cup, Double espresso with handle turned towards him and his dinners on the table with a varied range of meats and vitamins to ensure he has a long and healthy life.

I feel like he doesn't even know me or care what I like as long as the job/effort is done.

AIBU to expect my partner to know what I like and don't like by now?!

How do I say thanks but no thanks without sounding arsey? Argh :(

Isn't this a super normal thing to do for a loved one?

And also doesn't everyone turn the handle to face the receiver of the drink? That's not weird at all. It's so they don't burn their fingers!

I would be annoyed if my partner never put in a bit of care or attention to what they offered me so YANBU.

Handle turned towards him
Is he a toddler?

You’d normally place a mug on a surface, not put it in someone’s hands, Surely?!

It's absolutely not normal in my world, lol.

My DH is more than capable of reaching for the handle on a mug of coffee and of making sure his meals are "balanced" and full of a "varied range of meat and vitamins" without me doing it for him.

He's a grown man, not a five year old.

🤣🤣🤣

DH used to do this. He'd basically make food the way he liked it for both of us. He likes really overflavoured food and drink, so eg a stirfry would be dripping with sauce (also usually some form of sweet chilli sauce - I love hot sauces but not sweet or fruity ones), toast and marmite with SO much marmite on it, really, really strong squash, fajitas with wayyyy too much seasoning and half a block of grated cheese. Way too much salt on basically everything. He'd also make steak basically blue/raw which makes me gag (I have mine medium rare). Also I don't like butter unless it's melted on toast/jackets etc, never cold, and he'd slather it cold on sandwiches really thickly.

I started just rejecting it. In his case I think he just struggled to comprehend that people have different tastes and just because he likes something doesn't mean that's automatically the best way to have it.

He's much better now haha! Though still occasionally makes comments about my squash tasting of water etc.

Do you eat/drink it when he makes it though? If you really don’t like/want it, you need to make a point of saying “no thanks, I don’t like it like that”. The problem is though you’ve presumably just been eating/drinking it for your entire relationship now, so of course he assumes you like it

No, OP is right, this is classic man bullshit. It says “I have superficially done a nice thing for you so you must be grateful even though I have made zero effort to remember what it is you like.”

It’s easier for him to make things how he likes them because then he doesn’t have to remember extra info. And if you are ungrateful by refusing or criticising he will say “oh you’re always complaining” or “I’ve just done you a favour” and make you out to be a huge bitch.

I’m not sure what the answer is OP but i hear you 100% and posters acting like this is on you are wrong.

Double espresso with handle turned towards him

This is the most mental sentence I have ever read on MN, and that is saying something. * *

Yes, for the most part...

As if he is paying any attention at all to any of the varied meat with turned in handles displays of Huge Effort nonsense. Just tell him, don't be so bloody precious. What a strange combination of wet lettuce and control freakery.

Just ask him not to make food for you - or remind him.

I've been married for 20 years and DH got me a cappucino the other day. I don't and never have drunk milk! Daft man.

No, I don't make things awkward for them 😅
Yes, if the cup is set directly in front of them then the handle will be to the side where they can easily pick it up without effort.
If it's a milk jug I also place it so the person I'm setting it down for can pick it up with ease. I make sure they don't have to reach accross the jug to pick it up iyswim. If there's a big group I can't do this though obviously.
It takes no time, it's just something I've always done.

If he annoys you that much by not paying attention to your likes and dislikes but you can't bring yourself to assert to him what they are then your only course of action is to cut down on the vitamins and bump him off slowly.

Ooh harsh.

I’d cut out Vit D to begin with, see if he’s looking pasty by the end of the week and move onto Vit C. No idea how many varied meats and vitamins you feed the little prince so it could take a while for him to fade and finally expire, with or without his cup handle facing in the right direction 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

😂😂

This is weird. The paragraph about meat and vitamins is like an AI is writing about being a wife 😂

FWIW I’ve been married 14 years and my husband still makes my tea too milky (we drink the same tea - he just is too heavy handed) and I won’t let him make toast as he’s so stingy with the butter. Maybe I need to start making an exit plan

Just out of interest what would happen if you gave it to him with the handle pointing the opposite way? Do you feel your relationship could continue or would things be spoilt forever after you made such a monumental mistake?

Is your partner ever allowed sweeties as an occasional treat or are you too strict and worry he’ll get a taste for them or not eat all his dinner?

If my partner ever committed such a cardinal sin as bringing me toast on the wrong bread I’m not sure I could ever forgive him, its unlikely to happen though as he’s banned from the kitchen until he can prove that he can be trusted in there.

The varied range of meats might be going a bit far I'll admit 😂

But I sort of took this to mean a balanced meal, which sounds more reasonable.

Tea & toast ? What about proper food ?
Does he put too much chilli in your curry ?
Or feed you a meat you don't like ?
That would be worth complaining about.

I feel your pain, OP. My dad is terrible for this. It’s all very well people saying, “Oh FFS, just tell him”, but that only works if they ever bloody listen!

If I stay at my parents’ house, I have to make sure I get up before my dad does or he’ll start making scrambled eggs. He always puts black pepper in, despite my saying several times over many years that I don’t like it. The worst thing is, he’ll actually announce he’s put black pepper in them with a “yum yum” look on his face, as if he’s done it as some kind of special treat that I’ll love. The last time I was there he couldn’t finish his potatoes and asked if I wanted them. When I said no because they were covered in pepper, he looked confused and said “Don’t you like pepper?” I have no doubt he’ll have completely forgotten again by the next time I see him.

I buy white and granary. Dh likes white. I like granary

Same with butter. He likes the cheap fake butter like ulterior butterly
And I like lurpack

Seems very weird op that in 20yrs he does t make you a cuppa or toast how you like

You have to address this with him.

My ex and me used to disagree with the way each other made scrambled eggs (he would cook them over a very low heat slowly so that the water evaporated and I found it a bit sickly) but we were well aware of how each other liked to do it and would alternate.

I'd just have a laugh about it and say thanks for this I appreciate it but you know I don't like strong tea or white bread. I love weak tea and brown bread. See if he makes it for you next time 🙂