Partner makes me food I don't like

[BestieNo1]

AIBU and spoilt here!"? I'm in two minds!!

My partner sometimes makes me food thinking he is doing me a big favour/nice thing but I don't like what he makes and what makes it worse is that I think he doesn't even know me or care!

For example, we come in from a night out and he makes me tea and toast. Nice right!? But he makes very strong tea (I have for 20 years liked mine weak) and the toast is white bread with loads of jam on it. I have been vocal that I don't like white bread and haven't in all our relationship (I get it for him and the kids) so I get presented with food and drink that I have never liked and expected to be grateful?!

I make his food exactly how he likes it. His drinks how he likes it in his favourite cup, Double espresso with handle turned towards him and his dinners on the table with a varied range of meats and vitamins to ensure he has a long and healthy life.

I feel like he doesn't even know me or care what I like as long as the job/effort is done.

AIBU to expect my partner to know what I like and don't like by now?!

How do I say thanks but no thanks without sounding arsey? Argh :(

Just tell him. Apparently I don't make tea how my DH likes it so he makes his own. Simple. So we're both happy he gets the drink he wants I don't have to bother. I don't actually like tea.

Variety of meats and vitamins

wtf?

make his food exactly how he likes it. His drinks how he likes it in his favourite cup, Double espresso with handle turned towards him and his dinners on the table with a varied range of meats and vitamins to ensure he has a long and healthy life

Give over.

I’d just say” Darling, if you are making toast, please make mine using the granary bread, and my topping of choice is x not y. And can you make the tea how I like it, weak with lots of milk?”
And if he does it wrong, don’t eat the toast, and ask him to add more milk/ water down the tea.
If he still can’t manage it, stop making drinks and food fir him.

I make his food exactly how he likes it. His drinks how he likes it in his favourite cup, Double espresso with handle turned towards him and his dinners on the table with a varied range of meats and vitamins to ensure he has a long and healthy life

Stop doing this immediately you plonker🤦🏼‍♀️
You should treat him exactly how he treats you!

I wasn’t expecting this thread to make me laugh so much!

If I'm setting out a cup of tea or jug of milk for visitors I ensure the handle is turned towards them...it's a fairly normal courtesy when setting out tea for someone?
I

You lost me at the handle turned towards him

What an absolute bastard he is

LTB

Does anyone else care what way their mug handle is facing?

I'm afraid the handle thing is a bit much.

Yes sounds like 1950s but lots of relationships are partners doing what they can to keep the other comfortable and happy. Isn't that what it's all about? You both try and make each other happy?

Of course one does try to make the other happy but I do wonder what he has said to make you turn the handle like that? Seems a little extreme. He isn't taking care like that for you. Have a conversation with him, say you are touched that he does think of you but that he isn't paying attention to what you actually like!

Handle turned towards them? No that is weird, it would be to the side surely?

Is this a wind up?

@PonyPatter44
"So do you buy two sorts of bread every time? That really twists my melon - why not just compromise and find bread that you both like?"

Why can't people have what they want?

He's been reading Shakespeare and is out for MURDER. Is his name Macbeth by any chance?

"Is this a dagger which I see before me, The handle toward my hand?"

First thing I thought of 😉

Did you start doing all the cooking?

He doesn’t notice that you turn the handle towards him or put a variety of meats on his plate to help him live longer (who would).

All he sees is you doing things for him like making him a cup of tea or food, to show appreciation.

Which is exactly what he’s doing back.

You need to tell him exactly how you like it or ask him to stop doing it.

But you also need to relax and understand that it’s not the minor details that matter.

His love language is doing things for you.
Your love language is the tiny minor details that you expect him to know and remember.

Perhaps ask him to stop making you food and drink and instead do other things to show you appreciation like run a bath or pour some wine.

Who holds their cup with the handle pointing towards them?!

That’s not how you hold a hot cup of tea.
You hold it with the handle on the side.

You’re actually doing the opposite of being courteous by making it even more awkward for them.
So if you think that they notice these things then they’ll just notice that you are trying to be awkward.
(I doubt they notice though).

‘I make his food exactly how he likes it. His drinks how he likes it in his favourite cup, Double espresso with handle turned towards him and his dinners on the table with a varied range of meats and vitamins to ensure he has a long and healthy life.’

OP, you’re his wife not his servant. Stop with this nonsense

I'm not a hot drink drinker but I'm curious, what is setting out tea? Everyone I know just makes a mug or a pot of tea.

Meat and vitamins made me giggle though. Like a medieval style platter of meats, scattered with vitamin pills for the modern man's longevity.

Is it the case you are going way over the top for him and in doing so are expecting him to go way over the top for you? Tbh that is a pretty high expectation to put on someone.

If he doesn’t make it how you like it just say you’d rather make your own?

Ha ha ha 🤣 Is it even legal to marry a six month old baby? 👶🏼 You sound perfectly insane in the lengths you’ll go to in order to please your little princeling. I’d tell him where to stuff his unwanted toast, personally.

I rather like the handle turned towards him detail also. I give my DS water only in his favorite glasses and my father his bourbon in his favorite glass and switched from a Christmas paper cup to the ikea porcelain one when asked by my daughter without hesitation. It’s a little love you from the acts of service love language. If given food I don’t like I decline. If it’s DH I say hey DH you know I don’t like that and push it away. Use your words..kindly but explicitly.. and sorry MN but train him up to do it right.

This makes me a bit sad... seems very confrontational over white bread! In my house, the conversation would be more like:

"Is that for me? No thanks, I don't eat white bread"
"Oh sorry I didn't think"
"No worries, can you go and stick some brown/wholegrain/sourdough in the toaster for me, while you eat this? Thanks"

Mainly because we love and respect each other and mistakes are easy, especially if you're just on autopilot

It's all in the delivery. Written down it can sound arsey but actually in person it would be more of a good-natured pisstake.

That said, I might well be arsey if this shit had been going on for 20 fucking years