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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner makes me food I don't like

107 replies

BestieNo1 · 17/02/2024 10:12

AIBU and spoilt here!"? I'm in two minds!!

My partner sometimes makes me food thinking he is doing me a big favour/nice thing but I don't like what he makes and what makes it worse is that I think he doesn't even know me or care!

For example, we come in from a night out and he makes me tea and toast. Nice right!? But he makes very strong tea (I have for 20 years liked mine weak) and the toast is white bread with loads of jam on it. I have been vocal that I don't like white bread and haven't in all our relationship (I get it for him and the kids) so I get presented with food and drink that I have never liked and expected to be grateful?!

I make his food exactly how he likes it. His drinks how he likes it in his favourite cup, Double espresso with handle turned towards him and his dinners on the table with a varied range of meats and vitamins to ensure he has a long and healthy life.

I feel like he doesn't even know me or care what I like as long as the job/effort is done.

AIBU to expect my partner to know what I like and don't like by now?!

How do I say thanks but no thanks without sounding arsey? Argh :(

OP posts:

CurlewKate · 17/02/2024 10:46

Surely you know how the person you live with likes their tea? I mean- my ds knew how I liked mine by the time he was10! The handle towards him thing is a whole other ball game- but not getting your partner's tea and toast right is just ridiculous.

Shivermetimbers13 · 17/02/2024 10:50

a varied range of meats and vitamins to ensure he has a long and healthy life

You do know that you can't guarantee someone a long and healthy life?

For the tea and toast, just tell him.

Original poster

BestieNo1 · 17/02/2024 10:56

Thanks all!

The turning the handle thing is to demonstrate how much attention I pay to what he likes whereas I get the opposite as in, "this'll do" or he CBA to make it how I like it!

Yes sounds like 1950s but lots of relationships are partners doing what they can to keep the other comfortable and happy. Isn't that what it's all about? You both try and make each other happy?

I will say what I like next time or I will do his food and drinks how he doesn't like them and see what happens!! 😜
Thanks all!!

OP posts:

Coconutter24 · 17/02/2024 10:56

How are you even in a functioning relationship if you can’t say to your partner “I like my tea weak” or “brown bread for me please”
If he gives you a strong tea just take a sip and tell him your going to make a fresh one because it’s to strong and you like it weak. How long have you been with him? You say you’ve liked it that way for 20 years plus does that mean you’ve been with him that long also, if so he really should know how you like it but you need to start being vocal about what you like, it’s not rude if said in the right way

VickyEadieofThigh · 17/02/2024 10:56

I'd be saying - to the person I called my partner - "thanks for that but as I've said before, I don't like it..."

I'd only do the over-polite response to a friend who wasn't a partner.

VickyEadieofThigh · 17/02/2024 10:58

BestieNo1 · 17/02/2024 10:56

Thanks all!

The turning the handle thing is to demonstrate how much attention I pay to what he likes whereas I get the opposite as in, "this'll do" or he CBA to make it how I like it!

Yes sounds like 1950s but lots of relationships are partners doing what they can to keep the other comfortable and happy. Isn't that what it's all about? You both try and make each other happy?

I will say what I like next time or I will do his food and drinks how he doesn't like them and see what happens!! 😜
Thanks all!!

There's no need for a passive-aggressive 'doing food/drink how I know HE doesn't like it'. Just use your words.

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 17/02/2024 11:01

or I will do his food and drinks how he doesn't like them and see what happens!

Are you twelve?

MereDintofPandiculation · 17/02/2024 11:02

with a varied range of meats and vitamins to ensure he has a long and healthy life. That’s what the dog food adverts say. Have you looked at him recently?

Sparklfairy · 17/02/2024 11:03

I can just imagine how that conversation would go in my house...

'You know I don't eat white bread, why have you given me this'

'Oh, I just didn't think...'

'Ah okay, so it wasn't on purpose. You just don't care. How is that any better?'

NarnianQueen · 17/02/2024 11:04

EighteenBaldingStars · 17/02/2024 10:19

Refuse the food - he won't take the hump as he seems a bit oblivious tbh!

My dh used to do something similar with me and chocolate. He'd always buy the really dark kind which I find totally inedible. I just don't eat it tbh and he has stopped buying it for me. In his defence I do like dark chocolate but just not the super high coco content one - yes, I'm fussy 😂

I'm always curious about scenarios like this - if you'd suddenly "had a change of heart" and started making a big deal about how much you enjoyed the dark chocolate, would he then have got you milk chocolate instead?

Herdinggoats · 17/02/2024 11:06

You feed him healthy food so he’ll live forever. He gives you processed, high sugar food…do you think he’s trying to knock you off early?

titchy · 17/02/2024 11:08

Yes sounds like 1950s but lots of relationships are partners doing what they can to keep the other comfortable and happy. Isn't that what it's all about? You both try and make each other happy?

Only when it's reciprocated. Otherwise it's called being a mug.

Lampslights · 17/02/2024 11:08

You turn the handle towards him and give him Meals with a variety of meats and vitamins so he can habe a long and healthy life. Like you actually think like that, and behave like that, rather than just make dinner like everyone else?

titchy · 17/02/2024 11:09

Actually has he never made you a cup of tea the way you like it in 20 years? Fuck me OP raise that bar off the ground.

Lampslights · 17/02/2024 11:09

Herdinggoats · 17/02/2024 11:06

You feed him healthy food so he’ll live forever. He gives you processed, high sugar food…do you think he’s trying to knock you off early?

I can see the temptation,,,😂

only kidding op.

MiltonNorthern · 17/02/2024 11:10

Stop taking so much care over what you make for him. Or if he hands you something you don't like smile and say no thank you. Don't be grumpy just be polite. He may get the message...

Porfirio · 17/02/2024 11:10

I thought you were talking about a new relationship not someone you've been with for over twenty years!

Come on! Tell him to stick it.

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/02/2024 11:11

Why do you want to make sure this utter twat lives a long life?

PossumintheHouse · 17/02/2024 11:15

Eh? I don’t get this. Why didn’t you just say “you know I don’t like white bread, you pillock, what the f did you do that for?” Or something similar? Or if you want to be more polite, just, you know, communicate honestly with him? He’s your partner. Tell him straight.

Cosyblankets · 17/02/2024 11:20

20 years?
How?

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 17/02/2024 11:21

My DP used to do this, give me food that I don't like and then call me ungrateful when I picked the fat off the bacon, or ignored chicken pieces that still had bones in, while I made sure he had things as he liked them.
I am sure that he did it deliberately so that I would do all the cooking and he could say I was too fussy! 😉 maybe I am though...

PonyPatter44 · 17/02/2024 11:25

So do you buy two sorts of bread every time? That really twists my melon - why not just compromise and find bread that you both like?

And fgs just speak up and tell him that you don't like your tea too strong. I've you really not said that in 20 years?

Nowt so queer as folk, as noone in my very southern family ever said....

Choice4567 · 17/02/2024 11:32

Variety of meats and vitamins

All I can imagine is a plate of wafer thin ham and chicken and some tablets! Delicious!

nighttimeforgenerals88 · 17/02/2024 11:42

Turning the handle towards him is the kind of detail I appreciate 👌🏼

I would be so annoyed about the wrong strength of tea, and especially about the bread. It's lack of thought.

Get yourself a little milk jug and tell him: "Thank you for the breakfast but from now on can I please have brown bread - I don't like white bread - and milk on the side? Your tea is too strong!"

Oblomov24 · 17/02/2024 11:44

Why don't you talk about it? I really like it when ..... but you make it too strong. Why can't you have these conversations?

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