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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you get on with your SILs?

102 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 16/02/2024 21:49

Just curious if people do?

I have 3 SILs married to my brothers (well one engaged).
I don't live close to any of them so not super close but I like them all. Just nice people, good company and I catch up with them when I'm back home and I seem them plenty even if my brothers are not around. We occasionally call/text but not regularly.

My partner's two sisters are completely indifferent to me. They aren't rude or unkind, they just make zero effort to even talk to me. If I talk to them, I get very little back. Partner just says we are very different types of people and they aren't as sociable. They are very sociable with everyone but me!

Just wondering how others get on?

OP posts:

ProbablyHungry · 16/02/2024 22:12

My husbands sister and I get on really well, see each other separately and text semi regularly.

My brother’s wife is lovely and perfect for him, but we have less in common so don’t text often. But she’s a much loved member of my family.

Soonenough · 16/02/2024 22:12

Like my sister's partner well enough not a bad guy . My DH SIL took a long time to come to like . Once we both had kids and began to vent about our mutual MIL we were firm friends.

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 16/02/2024 22:13

I think if we lived closer, we'd get on really, really well. But we live 6000 miles apart. My brother died coming up on 3 years ago this April and I can count on one hand how many times SIL and I have talked since. She's taken a big step back from our side of the family. Maybe she needs to do that for her... maybe it's been part of her grief and her recovery.
I do get sad about it. I have felt angry even at times (not so much anymore, but I did). But she needs to go in the direction that feels right for her and I don't want to be an obstacle on her path to healing. I have no doubt that if I saw her tomorrow morning, we'd hug and cry and have a good ol' natter. And knowing this is enough. The love is there, in its own way. I just hope she's happy. She's a good person. She was an incredible wife. My brother, honestly, I've never seen a man love his wife and children so much. That too is enough, just knowing that.

NoOrdinaryMorning · 16/02/2024 22:16

Nope, she's never liked me and ex-communicated me as soon as DH died. Wants nothing to do with DC (yes, blood related to her)

ChangeUsername123 · 16/02/2024 22:17

My husband has a sister and I love her to bits. She’s always been close to my husband and we’ve often gone out together with another friend.

We also have another SIL, who’s married to their brother and we get on well with her too, however she’s a funny kettle of fish. She’s very much a ‘drama llama’. It’s hard to describe her but she can be hard work. That said, we kind of just let it go over our collective heads and we still all get on well.

I often say I’m so lucky. I love my MIL in law dearly and she’s often more affectionate and caring than my own mum. My FIL passed away not long ago and I loved him too. We all get on well on my side of the family too and I’m really close to my sisters and their husbands.

EdithStourton · 16/02/2024 22:18

I have a lot of SILs.
Most of them come somewhere between 'lovely' and 'fine'.

Then there is the obnoxious know-all who frankly dislikes me, and the one who is a spiteful cow. I have given up trying to be nice and just avoid them like the plague.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 16/02/2024 22:18

My brothers wife is brilliant. She's so warm and kind, she's the best auntie to my children and genuinely seems to love them or at least has taken the time to form individual relationships with all of them.

My husbands sister... very different story. We actively avoid spending time with her as she is just awful. Has tantrums if things don't go her way, is so aggressive... shows absolutely no interest in having any kind of conversation with our children let alone any meaningful connection with them.

fuckssaaaaake · 16/02/2024 22:21

Love two of them, hate one.

coxesorangepippin · 16/02/2024 22:21

We get on, but only superficially

We don't have the same interests, for example

sonjadog · 16/02/2024 22:22

I get on okay with my SiL. She is quite a tricky person and takes offense easily, so I try to avoid too much contact with her. But I am pleasant and polite when our paths cross. She has been very unpleasant to me a couple of times, but I am not prepared to lose contact with my brother, so I have just let it wash over me and have reduced contact with her in recent years.

BarelyLiterate · 16/02/2024 22:25

I get on ok with my brother’s wife when we meet, which is generally at Christmas, birthdays etc. She is a very nice person. The problem is that we have absolutely nothing whatsoever in common. It’s like we come from different planets.

She is very maternal, her children are her world. I’m childfree by choice. She is very materialistic, loves her designer labels, jewellery, make up, perfume, beauty treatments etc etc. I couldn’t care less about any of that stuff. She’s very into reality TV, celebrity culture, social media etc etc. I’m interested in politics, current affairs, sport & books. I’m not on social media at all, which she thinks is weird. She may have a point, to be fair. I could go on but you get the idea.

Charlie2121 · 16/02/2024 22:26

Nobody in our extended family really knows each other.

The majority live within maybe a 30 mile radius but have never met each other.

We never have big family get togethers. In fact when it was my father’s funeral I didn’t recognise many of the attendees. Apparently they were aunts/uncles/cousins but we’d have not seen each other since we were very young children maybe 30+ years ago.

My DH is the same. He has no idea who most of his extended family are.

There’s no animosity or history of big bust ups but they have just never been part of our lives.

My BIL and his wife have never met my DS.

TheSnowyOwl · 16/02/2024 22:26

Yes, very well with DH’s sister and we often meet up and message daily.

I hardly ever see my brother’s wife. She lives abroad and whilst my brother and their children visit regularly, she is scared of flying so stays in their home country. They’ve been together around 20 years and we’ve met just a handful of times. We do communicate on a family WhatsApp group and stay up to date with what is going on, but we aren’t close.

familyissues12345 · 16/02/2024 22:27

Yes. We call each other sisters, as neither of us have a biological one. I absolutely love her to bits!

GingerLiberalFeminist · 16/02/2024 22:28

My DH's sister has been off with me since we eloped. She just about gives me the time of day if I see her. It's a shame.

My DB's gf is very sweet and we make an effort although they live abroad.

Disneydatknee88 · 16/02/2024 22:30

Sort of? My DH has 2 sisters who are wildly different in personality. When we first got together I moved to the city he grew up in and we lived close to one of his sisters. She was absolutely wonderful at welcoming me to the area and into the family but is very intimidating and always had drama going on that I had no interest being involved in. We get on alright but not someone I'd choose to hang out with solo. We then upped sticks and moved closer to his other sister (complete coincidence) and we just gel so well. We work for same company now. See each other very regularly both alone and with DH and kids. With regards to my siblings OHs, I get on with them great! I'm quite close with my brothers and they have chosen spouses with similar personalities so we just get each other. I never had sisters growing up so I'm really grateful for the sisters they have brought into our family!!

Herdinggoats · 16/02/2024 22:37

Just call her my sister to be honest, she’s lovely, couldn’t be happier that my brother brought her into our family

AnnieBuddyHere · 16/02/2024 22:40

Yes, I love my SIL and my ex SIL.

ThatWriterInTheCorner · 16/02/2024 22:40

I have one SIL and she's epic. Funny, kind, clever, creative, makes my brother so happy and is the mother of my entirely excellent DNs. Very, very glad she decided to join our family

dontforgetme · 16/02/2024 22:42

I have 4, 3 I get on really well with, the other 1 is a total twat.

80skid · 16/02/2024 22:45

Politely yes. Would not choose to spend time with her and know not to trust her as far as I could throw her. She has form for deliberately causing issues and enjoying the drama. I also tire of the selfish attitude, disregard and disrespect to me. I could go on much longer, but can't be bothered. Essentially, I will speak to her but if I don't have to, it's much better.

luckylavender · 16/02/2024 22:46

I have 3, 2 x DH sisters & 1 BIL wife. I really like one, always have. We are very different people & don't see each other much but when we do it's great. Another I haven't always understood but she's grown on me & is very kind. The last one I probably dislike more every time we meet even though I thought she was good fun at first.

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 16/02/2024 22:47

I have four SIL's. Barely know two of them but they're nice enough, good friends with one and have never met the other.

Maray1967 · 16/02/2024 22:51

I get on great with both of mine, but neither is a sister of DH.

One is DB’s wife and one is BIL’s wife.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 16/02/2024 22:51

No.

One we are NC with. The other very low contact.
Unfortunately both are very similar to MIL, no idea how my DH turned out the way he did! 🙈

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