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Original poster

Terrified i'm dying!!!!

697 replies

Lostmymind11 · 16/02/2024 16:37

Sorry if this is on the wrong thread but i'm not sure where to put it

Nearly 2yrs ago i had surgery to remove a sarcoma (no treatment afterwards as not needed). My 6 month scan was clear and i had another scan 4wks ago to check if it had come back. The hospital have rang today and told me they had booked me in next Friday to see a member of the surgery team. I am abaolutely terrified and beside myself with worry. I am a single parent to a very young child who has no contact with dad due to domestic abuse. I barely have any family/friend support. If the cancer is back i really don't know what i will do. I feel physically ill

OP posts:
misssunshine4040 · 24/02/2024 03:17

5YearsLeft · 24/02/2024 02:40

@Lostmymind11 , I will not pretend that life is fair. And I will not give a big pep talk about being a fighter because the truth is, I don’t believe in that. The cancer is in your body and I don’t think you should fight your body - your body needs all the love you can give it right now. Think of hope as a tiny seed that has to be fed and watered by doing things you enjoy, things you’ve put off because you were too busy, things you want to do with your child, things you want to do for yourself. If the worst news does come, handle it then. Do NOT give up these days to the fear of days that either will come, and then you’ll have wasted your best days in fear of them, or hopefully will never come, and you’ll have still wasted days that are priceless in fear of them. I know, I KNOW, it’s impossible not to be afraid sometimes. I’m still afraid. Especially at night. When it’s dark. And quiet. And the fear seems bigger, and the hope seems smaller.

But you just treat your fear like you would want someone to treat you - tell it that you can’t guarantee it will all be ok, but you’re going to aim for it to be the best it can be. Give it a blanket and a warm cup of tea. Give YOU a blanket and a warm cup of tea. Buy one of those world’s softest blankets online and don’t feel badly about it. Have a special tea just for you and your little one. Find rituals that will give you peace.

Because you can’t fight a storm. But you can stand in the middle of it and have peace. And I know how hard that is, believe me, as I’ve been trying and learning and failing and getting angry and trying again for two years now and I’ve probably still got a year to go before the end. You just keep trying. I really, really hope your scans aren’t too difficult and the news isn’t too bad. Get yourself a treat afterwards, whatever that looks like for you. In fact, have a treat every day and know that today, whatever day today is, you were braver than a lot of people have to be. Very, very best of luck.

This is such a beautiful post, I'm going to save your wise and powerful words.

Op I am so sorry you are in this situation, please know that we are all behind you here and keep posting and let us support you any way we can. Xx

Original poster
Lostmymind11 · 24/02/2024 03:23

@5YearsLeft thank you for your beautiful words. I will read that daily to keep me going

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostmymind11 · 24/02/2024 03:27

I wish i had never gone to the appointment today. I would be none the wiser and could have happily carried on living my life until the inevitable happened. I had so many plans this year for me and my child and now i doubt we will get to do any of them. I don't know how to carry on living with this hanging over me

OP posts:
octoberfarm · 24/02/2024 03:39

Oh, I'm so sorry OP. Just here to offer you a massive hug and a handhold. Wishing you all the luck in the world moving forward. People are out here, cheering you on Flowers

Imfreetofeelgood · 24/02/2024 03:55

Love to you and your little one OP. ❤️

TiptoeTess · 24/02/2024 04:38

So sorry OP. What are your next steps?

FixItUpChappie · 24/02/2024 05:09

Missunshine - thank you for sharing that.

OP I've no wisdom like Missunshine, but I am thinking of you and sending my wishes for you and yours into the universe.

PaintInColour · 24/02/2024 05:29

OP I am sorry it was bad news. You have already been so strong and brave and you will get through this. Life is not fair but there is always hope. Try to take one day at a time. I am sure we all know someone who has a prognosis of months and then went on to have many more years ahead so please don’t give up. But allow others to give you love and care. X

JohnSt1 · 24/02/2024 06:05

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. 💔

Wishing you and your little one all the best.

Dibbydoos · 24/02/2024 06:10

Good luck @Lostmymind11 I hope it's not what you think.

Pls post an update when you can as we're all rooting for you x

itsgettingweird · 24/02/2024 06:15

Sorry to hear this.

Hoping you get a treatment plan and treatment starts soon

Tilllly · 24/02/2024 06:27

@Lostmymind11
In general health, there's the cancer support thread
If you want to join us there, there will be someone with experience of where you are now

Newchapterbeckons · 24/02/2024 06:33

5YearsLeft · 24/02/2024 02:40

@Lostmymind11 , I will not pretend that life is fair. And I will not give a big pep talk about being a fighter because the truth is, I don’t believe in that. The cancer is in your body and I don’t think you should fight your body - your body needs all the love you can give it right now. Think of hope as a tiny seed that has to be fed and watered by doing things you enjoy, things you’ve put off because you were too busy, things you want to do with your child, things you want to do for yourself. If the worst news does come, handle it then. Do NOT give up these days to the fear of days that either will come, and then you’ll have wasted your best days in fear of them, or hopefully will never come, and you’ll have still wasted days that are priceless in fear of them. I know, I KNOW, it’s impossible not to be afraid sometimes. I’m still afraid. Especially at night. When it’s dark. And quiet. And the fear seems bigger, and the hope seems smaller.

But you just treat your fear like you would want someone to treat you - tell it that you can’t guarantee it will all be ok, but you’re going to aim for it to be the best it can be. Give it a blanket and a warm cup of tea. Give YOU a blanket and a warm cup of tea. Buy one of those world’s softest blankets online and don’t feel badly about it. Have a special tea just for you and your little one. Find rituals that will give you peace.

Because you can’t fight a storm. But you can stand in the middle of it and have peace. And I know how hard that is, believe me, as I’ve been trying and learning and failing and getting angry and trying again for two years now and I’ve probably still got a year to go before the end. You just keep trying. I really, really hope your scans aren’t too difficult and the news isn’t too bad. Get yourself a treat afterwards, whatever that looks like for you. In fact, have a treat every day and know that today, whatever day today is, you were braver than a lot of people have to be. Very, very best of luck.

Your post made me cry 5 years, Everyone should read it.

Darling op, this is a horrendous shock for you. I am so glad you have a mum that can move in and support you properly in the coming days and weeks.

Macmillan are just fantastic- call them and cry as much as you need to. There are no words that will take away your pain and shock but the world is full of beautiful people that will hold your hand, do what they can to make you better and be there in the darkest of times. On here, in real life and all around you. 🌱

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

MsRosley · 24/02/2024 06:38

Lostmymind11 · 24/02/2024 03:27

I wish i had never gone to the appointment today. I would be none the wiser and could have happily carried on living my life until the inevitable happened. I had so many plans this year for me and my child and now i doubt we will get to do any of them. I don't know how to carry on living with this hanging over me

OP, you're in the first stages of shock and grief. You won't always feel this way. My mother was given a difficult diagnosis, and after the waves of shock wore away, she went on to live the happiest years of her life. Please grab all the counselling and support you're offered, and know that the worst bit is right now and won't last forever x

Totallyfried · 24/02/2024 06:49

Sending a huge hug OP 💐

poetryandwine · 24/02/2024 06:50

MsRosley · 24/02/2024 06:38

OP, you're in the first stages of shock and grief. You won't always feel this way. My mother was given a difficult diagnosis, and after the waves of shock wore away, she went on to live the happiest years of her life. Please grab all the counselling and support you're offered, and know that the worst bit is right now and won't last forever x

Show quote history

This is a very wise post, OP, though it may not seem so yet.

In practical terms it will be a little while until you know what you are working with.

Please grab all the help you can get with both hands, including the help here.

SofiaAmes · 24/02/2024 06:54

A friend of the family has a company that is doing clinical trials with a new treatment for liver cancer and they are having phenomenal results. I know there are trials ongoing in the USA. It may be worth looking into whether they have any in the uk. They are Eureka Therapeutics

Pottedpalm · 24/02/2024 06:56

@5YearsLeft has put it better than I could.

Original poster
Lostmymind11 · 24/02/2024 07:17

Morning everyone, i am shattered after a horrible night but my little one is up and wanting to play. Coffee time for me then i'll grab a shower and plaster a smile on my face because what else can i do. Inside my heart is breaking

OP posts:
CrunchyCarrot · 24/02/2024 07:21

Lostmymind11 · 24/02/2024 07:17

Morning everyone, i am shattered after a horrible night but my little one is up and wanting to play. Coffee time for me then i'll grab a shower and plaster a smile on my face because what else can i do. Inside my heart is breaking

Big hugs to you OP, I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. Do take every moment you can to enjoy time with your little one. I'm glad your mum is going to come to stay with you.

Such fantastic support from the posters above, you are not alone. 💕

Talapia · 24/02/2024 07:32

What a lovely post from 5 years left.

I am so sorry to see your update.

I used to be on the cancer support thread and can recommend taking a visit over there.

Do whatever you feel you need to get by. If you feel you need something to help you sleep or antidepressants to help ask for them.

I'm pleased your Mum is coming to be with you.

Roselilly36 · 24/02/2024 07:46

I am so, so sorry. That’s awful news, but remember what your words were you would never have known unless you had the scan, so you feel well, wait and see what the plan is but in the meantime look after you. And I would also be exploring alternative wellness options. Flowers

Original poster
Lostmymind11 · 24/02/2024 07:53

@Roselilly36 do you know of any alternative wellness options?

OP posts:
Topjoe19 · 24/02/2024 08:00

So sorry OP. I can't imagine how you are feeling. Sending so many positive vibes your way 💕

IloveAslan · 24/02/2024 08:02

Sending you hugs 💐