@Lostmymind11 , I will not pretend that life is fair. And I will not give a big pep talk about being a fighter because the truth is, I don’t believe in that. The cancer is in your body and I don’t think you should fight your body - your body needs all the love you can give it right now. Think of hope as a tiny seed that has to be fed and watered by doing things you enjoy, things you’ve put off because you were too busy, things you want to do with your child, things you want to do for yourself. If the worst news does come, handle it then. Do NOT give up these days to the fear of days that either will come, and then you’ll have wasted your best days in fear of them, or hopefully will never come, and you’ll have still wasted days that are priceless in fear of them. I know, I KNOW, it’s impossible not to be afraid sometimes. I’m still afraid. Especially at night. When it’s dark. And quiet. And the fear seems bigger, and the hope seems smaller.
But you just treat your fear like you would want someone to treat you - tell it that you can’t guarantee it will all be ok, but you’re going to aim for it to be the best it can be. Give it a blanket and a warm cup of tea. Give YOU a blanket and a warm cup of tea. Buy one of those world’s softest blankets online and don’t feel badly about it. Have a special tea just for you and your little one. Find rituals that will give you peace.
Because you can’t fight a storm. But you can stand in the middle of it and have peace. And I know how hard that is, believe me, as I’ve been trying and learning and failing and getting angry and trying again for two years now and I’ve probably still got a year to go before the end. You just keep trying. I really, really hope your scans aren’t too difficult and the news isn’t too bad. Get yourself a treat afterwards, whatever that looks like for you. In fact, have a treat every day and know that today, whatever day today is, you were braver than a lot of people have to be. Very, very best of luck.