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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Arguments over dinner, it's always somebody else's fault with him.

132 replies

SparkleSmash · 15/02/2024 18:13

We did our weekly food shop at Tesco on Monday. I got a roast chicken and rosemary parmenter potatoes with it for a mini 'roast' in the week + 5 or so other meals. We then nipped to Iceland afterwards where I saw some loaded potatoe skins and suggested we could make our own at some point in the week.

DP is cooking this evening as I have a stinking migraine. A roast he says. I go into the kitchen to see him scooping potatoe out of the skins. Confused, I ask what he's making. A roast he says. With cheese and bacon loaded potato skins.

I ask why he's doing that instead of using the rosemary & garlic parmenter potatos.

He then tells me that I said we are having loaded potato skins with the roast chicken when I never said any such thing. I suggest he must have misunderstood as that's not the case, he digs his heels in and insists that I did. He will not be budged. I know I didn't say that as it's not something I'd generally pair with a roast chicken.

Admittedly I'm getting slightly annoyed at this point as its a running theme. If he ever makes a mistake, which we all do and is no big deal, he never owns it and always passes it off as somebody else's fault. Every time. That is what has annoyed me, not the simple mistake.

I said it doesn't matter now we'll eat it regardless. He throws the potato's in the bin, still insisting that I said it.

I wish I could say this is an isolated thing but it isn't. The man is completely unprepared to own his mistakes whether something insignificant like this or something more important. It's always somebody else's fault.

We haven't been getting on very well lately and as you might have guessed there are deeper problems, but am I the unreasonable one here?

OP posts:
longtompot · 16/02/2024 12:34

MyFirstLittlePony · 15/02/2024 22:05

I can’t see what he did wrong

he was cooking a nice meal, just slightly different from what YOU wanted, the wrong kind of potato.., sorry but that is a ridiculous thing to pick and argue about

it sounds like you are angry with him, and only you know why (I am sure there is a valid reason 😁😬) but surely it is not about the wrong potatoes…

He then tells me that I said we are having loaded potato skins with the roast chicken when I never said any such thing. I suggest he must have misunderstood as that's not the case, he digs his heels in and insists that I did. He will not be budged. I know I didn't say that as it's not something I'd generally pair with a roast chicken.

Admittedly I'm getting slightly annoyed at this point as its a running theme. If he ever makes a mistake, which we all do and is no big deal, he never owns it and always passes it off as somebody else's fault. Every time. That is what has annoyed me, not the simple mistake.

I said it doesn't matter now we'll eat it regardless. He throws the potato's in the bin, still insisting that I said it.

It's not about the potatoes, it's about him saying op said something that she didn't, and not admitting he got it wrong, to the point he threw the food away! From the other posts it seems this is the common thing that happens and that is what op is annoyed about.

Moier · 16/02/2024 12:39

Does it matter.. gosh l wish my hubby had cooked for me when l was with him.
But thanks for the suggestion.
I'm now having cheese n bacon potato skins for tea.
( Also can you tell me how you get 5+ meals from one chicken). Many thanks.

goingrouge · 16/02/2024 12:45

I know it's not really the point of the argument and the thread but I think the potatoes are important.
What sort of weirdo would serve cheesy potato skins with a roast dinner. It doesn't go, it's weird and wrong and I would be pissed off.

You can't put gravy on potato skins!

Mrsttcno1 · 16/02/2024 13:03

goingrouge · 16/02/2024 12:45

I know it's not really the point of the argument and the thread but I think the potatoes are important.
What sort of weirdo would serve cheesy potato skins with a roast dinner. It doesn't go, it's weird and wrong and I would be pissed off.

You can't put gravy on potato skins!

Sorry to jump on this as totally appreciate it’s not the point of the thread, but it’s funny to see the different opinions on this. Where I live one of the most popular things at the takeaway in the town is “cheesy chips with gravy” and loads do loaded fries (loaded with cheese and bacon) with gravy! So I’m actually now thinking how have we never thought of loaded potato skins on a roast before🤣

Americano75 · 16/02/2024 13:27

OP, if you are still reading, I get it. You're pissing into a hurricane with some sadly.

Graphista · 16/02/2024 15:01

I think there are PPs on this thread who have never encountered someone who will never, ever, admit that anything is their fault.

Or may be that type themselves!

It's soul destroying living with someone like this. My dad was like it too.

There is no situation in which the 6 year old is at fault.

Totally agree

The issue isn't with the potatoes/soup it's his total unwillingness to acknowledge or accept his part in any misunderstandings or miscommunication that has occurred.

Mum got to the point that certain discussions she recorded - with dads knowledge and consent - eg if they were planning a holiday or major purchase cos he was murder for arguing he'd said something he hadn't. This was late on in their marriage which was a very long one, it was only then he finally had to concede he often misremembered conversations.

Theunamedcat · 17/02/2024 21:27

mrsm43s · 16/02/2024 11:51

But I don't think this is an issue where anyone is at fault. It just is what it is. We've all dealt with children who derail things and make us later than planned. It's not a fault issue, it's just a life issue. We sometimes put our children's wants first, and it can come at a time/convenience cost to us.

OP is insistent that there is blame and her DH is at fault.

He's presumably just saying that DS wanted soup, so they ended up running later than planned. "We were later than planned because DS wanted soup" isn't blame. It's just a fact (assuming it did lead directly, or indirectly to them being late).

There is no fault. Not on DH. Not on DS. It's just one of those things. Life works out like that sometimes.

However, equally, her DH was, not unreasonably, not happy that he ended up pressed for time. I suspect he was looking for support and empathy, not blame and a tongue lashing.

I think there's a very unhealthy dynamic in this relationship. Too much blame, not enough support. It quite possibly works both ways.

No she is insistent that he is blaming every one and everything for things only he has control over he was the only adult in charge that day why is he blaming a 6 year old? say no we arnt going home to eat have a greggs instead 🤔 but of course that would have made him even later and still unable to sleep before work so its still not making sense

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