Arguments over dinner, it's always somebody else's fault with him.

[SparkleSmash]

We did our weekly food shop at Tesco on Monday. I got a roast chicken and rosemary parmenter potatoes with it for a mini 'roast' in the week + 5 or so other meals. We then nipped to Iceland afterwards where I saw some loaded potatoe skins and suggested we could make our own at some point in the week.

DP is cooking this evening as I have a stinking migraine. A roast he says. I go into the kitchen to see him scooping potatoe out of the skins. Confused, I ask what he's making. A roast he says. With cheese and bacon loaded potato skins.

I ask why he's doing that instead of using the rosemary & garlic parmenter potatos.

He then tells me that I said we are having loaded potato skins with the roast chicken when I never said any such thing. I suggest he must have misunderstood as that's not the case, he digs his heels in and insists that I did. He will not be budged. I know I didn't say that as it's not something I'd generally pair with a roast chicken.

Admittedly I'm getting slightly annoyed at this point as its a running theme. If he ever makes a mistake, which we all do and is no big deal, he never owns it and always passes it off as somebody else's fault. Every time. That is what has annoyed me, not the simple mistake.

I said it doesn't matter now we'll eat it regardless. He throws the potato's in the bin, still insisting that I said it.

I wish I could say this is an isolated thing but it isn't. The man is completely unprepared to own his mistakes whether something insignificant like this or something more important. It's always somebody else's fault.

We haven't been getting on very well lately and as you might have guessed there are deeper problems, but am I the unreasonable one here?

“DP is cooking this evening as I have a stinking migraine. A roast he says. I go into the kitchen to see him scooping potatoe out of the skins. Confused, I ask what he's making. A roast he says. With cheese and bacon loaded potato skins. I ask why he's doing that instead of using the rosemary & garlic parmenter potatos.”

”Admittedly I'm getting slightly annoyed at this point as its a running theme. If he ever makes a mistake, which we all do and is no big deal, he never owns it and always passes it off as somebody else's fault. Every time. That is what has annoyed me, not the simple mistake.”

Two questions:
How is a roast chicken with loaded potato skins a “mistake”?! It’s not.
So why are you framing it to your DH as if he has made a mistake in cooking your dinner?

I saw the public transport delay story and also fail to see how that was his fault either? Do you also blame him for the train strikes? Public transport is unreliable and often delayed but no one looks at the customers and goes “it’s your mistake, you should have left earlier”

You seem unreasonably critical of your DH.

It’s a shame the whole OP is wittering on about potatoes instead of the broader issue that her boyfriend is a petulant liar and the relationship sounds tedious. Is this boyfriend enhancing your life and making it fun OP? Are you dependent on him in any way?

It seems foolish to have binned them, but I guess he was annoyed as he was trying to cook a meal and thought that was what you had asked for.
Why is it so bad to have potato skins with roast chicken? Sounds lovely to me!
I'd say if you don't like the way he cooks you have to do it yourself. I always cook as I feel the need to control every aspect of the meal.

You sound nit picky OP, he was making dinner while you’re not feeling well, who cares if he’s making slightly different potatoes?

In his shoes I’d be pissed off too, not to the point of binning the spuds but he’s hardly made a ‘mistake’ has he? Is this typical of the kind of ‘mistakes’ you think he makes? Because if so no wonder you’re having issues in your relationship.

Tbh not remembering in detail a fairly dull conversation about potatoes hardly makes him a liar and if this is the level of ‘mistakes’ he’s being accused of no wonder he’s pissed off.

‘The man is completely unprepared to own his mistakes whether something insignificant like this or something more important. It's always somebody else's fault.’
^^sounds like a liar, but ok.

The loaded potatoe skins were a mistake because they were not intended for this meal. We shopped together and meal planned together. Loaded potato skins were tacked on at the end, intended to be a side dish with something else or a snack.

Things we bought for the roast:
Chicken
Parmenter potatoes
Veg
2 big Yorkshire puddings
Stuffing

When have you ever had loaded potato skins on a roast?

Regarding your second question, there was no transport delay. I'm pointing out that it was a bad decision to wait until late afternoon to take the kids on a day out when he had work that night.

He was late home because he was late going out. He blamed the kids for the fact he was late getting home, completely absolving himself of the decision to go out so late in the day.

On the basis the only ‘mistake’ he’s currently accused of not owning is about what type of potatoes to cook I think the OP is massively overreacting due to not feeling well.

Awaiting a massive drip feed of actual non potato based mistake to land now.

You sound incredibly micro managing OP, there’s nothing whatsoever wrong or weird with eating roast chicken with loaded potato skins.

We had a big talk a couple of weeks ago as I was close to ending things, this is after a build up of many issues over the years.

He admitted he has a tendency to be defensive, petulant and immature (whilst I acknowledged some traits of my own that I'm sure drive him up the wall too) and said he'd been reading up about something called "Peter pan syndrome" which he felt he could relate to.

He said he'd try hard to work on certain things but he hasn't.

How was he parented - was he frightened of his DPs and punished if he made a mistake so he hides it? If he can't "own" any mistake because he's frightened of a particular outcome how does he manage mistakes at work - or is everyone else wrong except him?

Not frightened of his parents no, they were quite permissive if anything. Regarding mistakes at work, that is something that has come up multiple times and yep it's always everyone else in the wrong.

The thread would reach 40 pages of my comments alone if I went into everything that is wrong with the relationship. I'm aware that this is a total non event in comparison.

I'm at a point where I already have one foot out of the door. That's why I have an incredibly low tolerance and, I guess, have over reacted somewhat tonight.

You have picked up on some of the main issues I have with him which is petulance and habitual lying. See, it's not about the potato's at all. I'm just sick to death of him standing infront of me and telling me that the sky is purple, so to speak.

He comes out with things that are completely untrue but says it all with such arrogance and certainty that he is right.

All. The. Time.

OK, fair enough.

I've come across badly here.

I have to say this is the sort of thing I would have said, just because I had it planned to go with the chicken etc, but also admit sometimes its better to just keep your mouth shut if you know it will make the other person feel bad/angry and just be happy you dodged the cooking. I do think your partner was ridiculous for binning the potatoes, what an overreaction!

Are you usually so inflexible? Potatoes are potatoes. It doesn’t matter what sort they are with a roast. You are reacting like your meal plan is carved in stone. Deviating from the meal plan isn’t a “mistake”

Again, you are telling him he should have left earlier because he was using public transport. He wasn’t late leaving, he left when he wanted to. That’s not a mistake.

Right, OK.

I’ve never been able to eat with a migraine. Also can’t stand the word “loaded”.

You've probably eaten it by now but as you say, when he’s cooking just leave him to it.

This is clearly not about the potatoes.
It seems like it is just another example of the OP feeling belittled and disrespected by her DH.
Death by a thousand paper cuts.

Who cares about the potatoes? I wouldn’t have made a fuss, it doesn’t seem important but he was being an arse by throwing them away.

This is exactly it.

Deviating from the meal plan wasn't the problem, it's how he stood there and told me I'd said something I hadn't said. This is something he does all of the time. He also does it in reverse, doing/saying something then swearing blind he didn't do or say it.. even though I was stood right there.

He didn't need to bin the potatoes I'd have gladly eaten them and said as much.

Every tiny thing that doesn’t go perfect like her DH getting home a bit late- it’s all his fault. Or the DH deciding to make different potatoes- big mistake DH and I have to get out of my sick bed and point it out while you are in the kitchen cooking dinner.

The poor man cannot decide when he wants to leave the house or what potatoes to cook for dinner without OP striding in and telling him how he is wrong, it’s his fault, and he’s making mistakes again.

I didn't even make a fuss about the potatoes.

You are spectacularly missing the point on both cases. Are you drunk?

Deviating from the meal plan wasn't the problem
It was a problem to you otherwise you wouldn’t have questioned what he was doing. You picked a fight.

OK I'll leave it here. I'm unreasonable. Thanks for your comments.

Loaded with what? I do mine with bacon and cheese that does not belong with a roast dinner IMHO