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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed with a friend and pull her up on her contradictions?

85 replies

pussinboots61 · 15/02/2024 12:51

How do you deal with awkward friends? I have a friend who makes issues every time we make arrangements.

The latest thing is that a group of us are arranging to go for a meal in March. My friend and her friend who comes along are insisting on the meal being early because they don’t want to be out after dark.

Initially, my other friend who is booking the meal thought the meal we are going for, which is an afternoon tea, would only be served from 3.00 pm and the awkward one was saying that’s no good as she and her friend have to be home before dark. My other friend enquired and the meal is now served all day so its booked for 1.30 pm which suits everyone.

However, what annoys me is that the awkward friend was prepared to spoil it for everyone and make it all about her again. But to cap it all, she sent me a text this morning to tell me that she and her friend are going to the theatre tonight, hence they will be out after dark.

Is it better to ignore this contradiction or pick her up on it? It’s really getting on my nerves now.

OP posts:
MrsKwazi · 15/02/2024 12:53

I would have to send a faux innocent reply to that text!
I

Original poster
pussinboots61 · 15/02/2024 12:55

MrsKwazi · 15/02/2024 12:53

I would have to send a faux innocent reply to that text!
I

How do you mean, what kind of reply?

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 15/02/2024 12:56

pussinboots61 · 15/02/2024 12:55

How do you mean, what kind of reply?

Show quote history

"But... YOU'LL GET DARKED ON!"

Spirallingdownwards · 15/02/2024 13:00

Reply "theatre tonight? I assume you mean matinee as otherwise you won't be back by dark?"

Isnsneii · 15/02/2024 13:00

I had a friend like this, she was exactly this way and when it came to my wedding prep, she wouldn’t accommodate hair and make up trial appointments or even make plans for the morning of the wedding. She was bridesmaid and she pulled out 12 weeks before the wedding and cost me hundreds of pounds in the dress I paid for and all the money for the trial appointments as hair and make up people take payment in advance.

I haven’t spoken to her since, people like this only ever think of themselves and never accommodate anyone else. I pulled this friend up on her behaviour as well and it ended up being a huge row before we stopped talking.

Galeforcewindatmywindow · 15/02/2024 13:02

What is wrong with her she can't be out after dark? Gremlin? Awkward vampire?

doppelgangermirror · 15/02/2024 13:02

I'd totally pull her up on that, in a jokey sort of way.

I have a 'friend' (part of a group) who pulls similar stunts - I just can't be bothered with it.

Jewelanemone · 15/02/2024 13:03

Home before dark? Is she scared of vampire attacks?

TwelveKeys · 15/02/2024 13:03

Was it something like they don't want to be driving in the dark? Tbh they sound ridiculous, altho afternoon tea is something that could be all day so not that unreasonable to try and find a time that suited everyone. It's just weird to have this apparent contradiction.

wevegotthepower · 15/02/2024 13:03

Did you (or anyone) outright ask why they can't be out in the dark?

I'm curious now!

TemplesofDelight · 15/02/2024 13:03

Of course say something. 'What happened to you not being able to be out after dark?'

Actually, how come no one said anything at the time when she said she wanted to move the meal time because she didn't want to be out after dark? What is her concern -- safety? She doesn't like driving at night? She's afraid of the dark?

Darklingthrush123 · 15/02/2024 13:05

Very annoying of her to move an afternoon tea to lunchtime. I think I would have tried to stop everyone accommodating her!

SiobhanSharpe · 15/02/2024 13:05

As I've got older I have a few friends who now won't drive after dark.
Use it or lose it, I say.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 15/02/2024 13:06

Yeah I'd have to call her on it. But I'd want to do it in the WhatsApp group so other people stop pandering to her shit TBH. Something like: "Have a great time at the theatre tonight! So glad you and (friend) have both overcome your fear of the dark and are able to stay out late now! Looking forward to planning more things outside of lunchtimes now! X"

QueenBean22 · 15/02/2024 13:07

I dunno, Is it a long way to travel? Badly lit roads or something?

PandaCwtch · 15/02/2024 13:08

It make no sense at all even without the contradiction How long does afternoon tea take? Sunset on 1st March is 6pm, so that's 3 hours from a 3pm start.

Does she work? How does she get to and from work mid-winter when it is dark from 4pm?

It makes no sense.

olympicsrock · 15/02/2024 13:09

I’d be saying “what a shame you can’t make it”

SpringIsJustAboutSprung · 15/02/2024 13:11

I had a similar friend who always had to be home for 4/5pm. It transpired she was a secret alcoholic and she started drinking around the same time every day. She’d also only go out at night if there was alcohol involved, it was all very odd.

Aaron95 · 15/02/2024 13:12

You deal with it by going ahead with the meal at 3pm. If she can't make it then tough, there will be a next time. You can't please everyone all of the time.

stayathomer · 15/02/2024 13:12

Maybe they’ve a lift home or something? Or less of a journey to make? Or it’s in a less dodgy spot?

Original poster
pussinboots61 · 15/02/2024 13:12

Thank you for your replies. She's always been the same but will go out later when it suits her.

She doesn't work now and doesn't drive but when she worked she had to go home in the dark in the winter.

My friend who booked the meal was going to pander to her if the meal had have just been from 3.00 pm but I put my foot down and said if that is the case then she would have to miss out if she didn't want to come and why should we miss out because of her? I think had the meal time been limited my friend would have said something but at first all she could say was the 3pm afternoon tea had been cowboshed because of her.

I will reply to this but I don't want to drop my friend whose organising the meal in it as she may relalise she's been talking to me about her but I feel something has to be said.

OP posts:
Mary46 · 15/02/2024 13:12

Yes op friends are odd. I remember when my son was small the friend always had us doing driving. His routine etc. But fine pull my kid around in my car. Yes you should say it.

HipHop63 · 15/02/2024 13:13

Does your friend struggle to drive in the dark? Many older people do (just assuming she is an older person).

Maybe going to the theatre entails getting a taxi and afternoon tea means driving and that is why they don't want to be out after dark.

CadyEastman · 15/02/2024 13:15

I'm getting to the stage where I don't like driving at night, it's made worse by the new, brighter headlights.

It's odd that she hasn't said this though. I would have said that I was getting a lift for the evening theatre trip.

easylikeasundaymorn · 15/02/2024 13:19

I mean I'd struggle to be friends with someone so wet they wouldn't go out after dark anyway but yes I'd have to pick up on this particular example, possibly with a faux 'Oh I hope you enjoy but are you going to be okay? I know you and X don't like being out after dark? How are you getting home?' sort of thing.
And in the future wouldn't consider changing any plans for them, just 'ah sorry x, see you at the next event.' Surely not wanting to go out after dark would mean they barely leave the house in December?