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AIBU?

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Original poster

Social media makes valentines awful

112 replies

OrangeeeSmarties · 15/02/2024 03:41

DP and I never celebrate it massively. We get each other a card, small present or do something tiny. My DP has never been one for huge gestures or flowers, instead he shows me every day in so many little ways that he loves me and notices me.

Yesterday we simply went for fish and chips on the seaside. It was so lovely and simple and it was perfectly fine with me.

Then I go on instagram. Everyone I know posting a couple picture. Red roses everywhere, girls I know taking videos of their kitchen covered in candles and photo frames and a dinner plate with a red rose on it.

I now somehow feel like shit?

I know SM isn’t real but I can’t help but feel like, was I supposed to get that? Is that what DP was supposed to do? Were we supposed to post each other on our stories (we didn’t)??

I hate it!!!

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 15/02/2024 08:36

Other peoples postings are not responsible for your reaction.

Your reaction has to relate to some level of you feeling you are missing out. So that's something you need to address.

If you are content then no posting can change that. Somewhere deep down you are looking for more.

BeeDavis · 15/02/2024 08:37

It’s not SM’s fault though.. me and my husband bought cards and had an M&S dine-in meal last night. I don’t feel bad about it even after looking on SM. That’s your issue if it makes you feel shit. There’s no need to.

Moveoverdarlin · 15/02/2024 08:44

You should feel smug OP! You’ve got what those others want. I’d much rather have fish and chips on the beach than a red rose on a plate! All those people posting on SM are doing it for other people’s benefit.

Me and my DH bought lovely cards and I gave him £15 quids worth of Cadbury’s Cream Eggs. We’re happy, had a lovely day.

My friend who is in her mid 40s posted about ‘her best boy, best friend, my rock, my constant, my one true love’. It’s fucking cringeworthy, just tell him, they live together! She’s had more blokes than hot dinners, everyone can see through this bullshit.

Solid relationships are built on fish and chips on the beach in the pissing rain. (I should put that on a card).

neverbeenskiing · 15/02/2024 09:05

You're not confident enough in your own opinions op, that's the problem not social media.

I disagree. Multiple studies have found a strong link between moderate/heavy social media use and depression, anxiety, loneliness, and in particular feelings of inadequacy. I was on suicide prevention training recently for work and it was discussed that MH professionals are now advised to routinely ask about social media use as part of their assessments because there is a growing recognition that it can have a huge impact on how a person feels about themselves and their level of satisfaction with their life.

A handful of posters on here saying "I look at social media and feel absolutely fine" doesn't change the fact that this is a widespread problem, not something unique to the OP at all. These platforms are deliberately designed to be addictive, to keep users coming back for more even if they feel shit after. Some studies have suggested that SM may be more addictive than alcohol or cigarettes. On MN people are often told that "comparison is the thief of joy". Thanks to SM for many people comparing themselves to others has become a compulsion, and the opportunity for negative social comparison is now infinite.

Metallicant · 15/02/2024 09:10

I think you’d be much happier if you came off social media.

I deleted my Facebook account a few years ago and felt so much better and happier afterwards (and had a lot more time for other things). I now have to have it for work but have no ‘friends’ who are individuals, just other organisations and businesses.

Alwaystired23 · 15/02/2024 09:18

theGooHasGone · 15/02/2024 03:57

Comparison is the thief of joy.

100% this. Your evening to me sounds perfect!

RobinEllacotStrike · 15/02/2024 09:25

As a Gen X er I can confirm V Day was also shit way before social media existed.

RosePetals86 · 15/02/2024 09:30

This is my biggest gripe with SM- it’s poison! OP you actually had a lovely Valentine’s Day with your OH and you didn’t feel the need to get validation from others, yet logging online made you feel inferior and question your experience! SM is a load of BS!
*I actually thought it was V day the day before with the amount of uploads of people in matching heart pjs and balloons- since when did vday start being celebrated on pancake night?

People have gone insane.

WonderingAboutBabies · 15/02/2024 09:34

Ignore SM. Most people who gush and post like that on SM are incapable to saying it to their other half in person.

notanothernana · 15/02/2024 09:34

Stuff on SM, be it about holidays, partners, children etc NEVER gets me down. I am happy with my lot and know that behind those posts is the truth.

I feel no need to post about my life, maybe that says it all? Those that are secure with their lot don't feel the need to declare all.

Etincelle · 15/02/2024 09:37

I'm a widow and I was on my own at home. You just have to get on with it. No point moping. You've got a loving husband and you went to the beach with him. Maybe stop feeling sorry for yourself..

CranfordScones · 15/02/2024 09:37

Your day sounds lovely.

Social media makes everything awful!

Readingthedictionary · 15/02/2024 09:38

I don't do social media anymore, haven't for more than a decade.
DH said do I want a gift, to which I said fuck no.
That was that. I'm not a romantic and perfectly happy with that. I did joke that he can present a rose between his bum cheeks if he really wanted.

99victoria · 15/02/2024 09:48

My OH and I don't celebrate Valentines Day at all - we don't exchange cards or presents or go out. In fact yesterday we had our grandchildren for a sleepover.

I don't give any fucks what other people post on line. We've been happily married for 12 years now 😍

ClairDeLaLune · 15/02/2024 09:53

Have you not heard the saying that the sign of a good relationship is no mention of it on SM?

Your relationship is your business. Those that show off about theirs on SM are most likely bigging it up to be something it isn’t.

Trulyme · 15/02/2024 09:54

YABU

SM is fake.

Its very well known that the more someone posts on SM, the worse their relationship/life is.

Some people need validation from others.

You sound like you aren’t that sort of person and you need to be careful that you don’t become one, as attention seeking can be addictive and for your own MH it may be better to come off SM (or avoid it around celebration days).

hopscotcher · 15/02/2024 09:57

Your day sounds lovely. I wouldn't take much notice of Instagram.

Magicpaintbrush · 15/02/2024 10:05

Valentine's Day is a commercial money making exercise that the retail industry trots out on a yearly basis - I can't take it seriously. DH and I get each other a card, but we leave it at that and both refer to it as 'Enforced Romance Day'. When our actual wedding anniversary comes around two months later we make something much more special of the day because it personally means something to us.

Please don't let all the red roses and heart shaped boxes of chocolates on social media sway how you feel - what you and your DH did to mark the occasion sounds MUCH nicer anyway. I'd much rather my DH did lovely, romantic things just whenever because he was inclined to of his own accord, rather than because it's feb 14th and he feels he ought to.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 15/02/2024 10:08

You know what. My husband cooked us a steak and dd was with him when he bought them. She asked for one. We ended up eating our steaks all together and watching telly. No sex as DD is in half term and went to bed late 🤣. We bought each other a card. It's actually the anniversary of our engagement as well but tbh we've never made a big thing of valentines anyway. I saw it all over sm and even at work!

visilost · 15/02/2024 10:12

My nephew and his gf of 6y put some loved-up pictures with lots of roses, candles, champagne, dinner all over instagram yesterday. Yet, I found out 2 weeks ago that he's had another gf for approximately 2y now.
Photos on sm doesn't show true picture.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 15/02/2024 10:13

I cannot believe adults buying into this absolute bullshit. Honestly.

Been happily married to DH for 21 years and never 'celebrated' this bs day once.

I am rather cynical in general though I will admit and have always cringed at valentine's. Even when younger.

FakeSucculent · 15/02/2024 10:16

The nicest valentines post I saw yesterday was from a mum who's 18yo son had made her steak and chips for tea and brought her flowers.

I am single and I thought it was nice to see everyone spoiling each other, though it does make you wonder who it's really for if the first thing people want to do is post a photo of it for everyone else to comment on.

Fish and chips by the seaside is a lovely way to spend an evening, and you enjoyed yourselves, don't let sm tarnish that!

howdidillydoodily · 15/02/2024 11:03

Who can be arsed when you've been together years and got kids!! I did get a bunch of roses and one of my fave perfumes I've run out of.. I got him a £10 M&S aftershave he'd ran out of and a mug.. we bought a £15 Morrisons deal and had it in front of the TV with the kids who had pizza! That was it.

Zara909090 · 15/02/2024 11:14

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SgtJuneAckland · 15/02/2024 11:16

I'd much rather fish and chips at the seaside than a performative gesture for social media!
Come off of Instagram

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