Social media makes valentines awful

[OrangeeeSmarties]

DP and I never celebrate it massively. We get each other a card, small present or do something tiny. My DP has never been one for huge gestures or flowers, instead he shows me every day in so many little ways that he loves me and notices me.

Yesterday we simply went for fish and chips on the seaside. It was so lovely and simple and it was perfectly fine with me.

Then I go on instagram. Everyone I know posting a couple picture. Red roses everywhere, girls I know taking videos of their kitchen covered in candles and photo frames and a dinner plate with a red rose on it.

I now somehow feel like shit?

I know SM isn’t real but I can’t help but feel like, was I supposed to get that? Is that what DP was supposed to do? Were we supposed to post each other on our stories (we didn’t)??

I hate it!!!

Hi OP, I spent over 20 years in a coercively controlling relationship before I recognised it as such. If you want to do a nice dinner together (which many people do on valentines day), but he's persuading you that fish and chips on the beach is "better", and he regularly invalidates your feelings and wishes, then this isn't okay. If this isn't the case though, then just enjoy.

Social media isn’t reality. Behind the roses could be a different story. Focus on your own life and I’d suggest a social media break if it makes you feel like that. Fish and chips at the beach sounds great to me

You follow the wrong people. None of my friends posted anything like that! I’m pretty active on social media and I’ve no idea what any of them did/didn’t do for Valentine’s Day.

Yeah there is all sorts of fabricated bollocks on social media. But the fact that you came back from what sounds like a perfect evening with your partner doing stuff you both enjoy to then feel sad by comparison of others is an issue that you need to work on, not the internet.

I got rid of all my SM accounts a couple of years ago. I am so much happier as a result.

If social media is honestly making you feel bad about something you did with someone you love that made you both happy, for God's sake delete it! It isn't compulsory! My wife (who I love beyond measure) and I did absolutely nothing to 'celebrate', if that makes you feel better!

I would probably rid of Instagram and Facebook, you know it makes sense

I see those posts and feel sorry for them. It's a performative gesture done for the benefit of others and means nothing

What a nasty, sneering, patronising reply. Did you mean to sound so unpleasant? OP is allowed an opinion different to yours without being spoken to so nastily.

This

Stop looking at sm 🤷🏻‍♀️

This. Why does it matter to you what anyone else has down and then posted on social media. So weird. Stop looking at you if other people's days upset you that much.

Why are you looking on social media?
I didn’t post anything about valentines on there even though my dh spoilt me rotten. I’m aware that other people I know have dead husbands and I really am not going to rub salt in their wounds.
I’m looking at red roses as we speak, bought for me by dh but nobody outside of my house knows about them.
I disagree that people feel much worse now than in the past. I was never a popular girl at school. Far too shy and gangly. I felt sadness and embarrassment receiving zero attention on every single Valentine’s Day whilst my best friend got oodles of cards from various admirers.
It’s life.

Also just wait for Mother’s Day when social media will be full of people posting memes about dead mothers.

DH bought me a tart tatin and I bought him a chunky Kit Kat.

I am so glad I do not give a shiny shit about social media, if it upsets you just don’t look as it’s not compulsory.

I totally understand why you're saying OP.

I am also really flabbergasted by the aggression of some the people on here!

The influencers were just using valentine's for content and a lot of those people on your instagram with roses and other tat will have just fallen prey to their ad campaigns. That's all it is.

Congratulate yourself on not having been influenced!

I once went on a weekend break with a former female friend. She booked it.

When we got to the hotel, they checked us it, receptionist said, that's a double room for two nights. I said no it should be a twin room can you check again? Friend said no, it doesn't matter, we've shared a bed in the past, who cares. Anyway, they had no other rooms.

We get to the room and first thing she does is take the flowers out of a vase, place them on the bed and take a picture of our lovely double bed!

Over the weekend, there are numerous staged photos (I'm in none). When it comes to ordering drinks, she keeps saying are sure you don't want a pint? I have never drank a pint in my life. Anyway she takes photos of her cocktail with a half empty pint glass on the table beside us. (Presumably on the basis men tend to drink pints more regularly than women)

I saw the photos on SM a week later with a whole load of "best weekend, totally spoilt, what a treat, feel so special".

She was away with me but completely staged everything, from the minute she booked the double room to make it look like she was on a romantic weekend away with a man!

People are commenting "new man in your life etc?" and she's responding "happiest I've ever been, feel so loved"

Bonkers.

Do you not think that pre-social media, such 'celebratory' days were not compared? Work, school, social places all had chat about what you got for .... (insert relevant marketing bollox day) which facilitated comparisons
But I agree, SM being so ubiquitous now, makes comparison easier. But why not be comfortable in your own skin/relationships?

DH and I didn't do anything at all for Valentine's Day and I saw endless posts on social media but it doesn't bother me. Everyone's different. I know we love each other🤷‍♀️if it bothers you this much, you should just delete it. Not worth it.

Ha @ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees that's outrageous!

I've had a similar experience on a Mother's Day when I went to the park with a friend and she turned up with a picnic, sumptuous cushions, and a lace dress with matching parasol. She and her dd both wore white with enormous floppy sun hats.

I always assume that if people post stuff like that on SM it is because they are insecure with very low self-esteem. It's all very "look at me".

Chips at the beach sounds perfect.

Some years ago I remember reading a study that went along the lines of how women scored lower levels of satisfaction in almost all aspects of their lives after half an hour reading women's magazines. SM is just the modern day equivalent of that.

These photos are one moment in time, often carefully curated to only look fabulous and do not include all the mess of life. Just look on here at all the complexities of relationships and what a life together really entails. Flowers are less than 1% of it.

If you struggle to view SM as such (and many people do) then simply stop looking. Free yourself from it all.

Besides, who says rose petals and candles are better than fish and chips and a walk by the sea? I'd genuinely and honestly prefer the latter and it's probably a bit less wasteful

I agree with this

DH and I don't always bother with a card, far less flowers etc. But, I couldn't care less if others do it differently

I have more compassion for people who are single and would prefer not to be. Dates like mother's day, Christmas etc can be really tough

That's beautifully bizarre.

I use SM but it’s so full of shit. If you were having such a fun time surely you’d forget all about your phone 🤨

Your night sounds great and genuine. We exchanged cards and a bar of one another’s favourite chocolate, that’s all. I ask my fiancé not to get me flowers on Valentine’s Day as he gets me then spontaneously through the year and hate the thought of him milling around displays of red roses with a bunch of hapless men all doing it because they feel like they have to. It’s all performative nonsense which, let’s face it, social media is pretty much made for.

You do you and continue enjoying your wonderful moments with your DP.