Social media makes valentines awful

[OrangeeeSmarties]

DP and I never celebrate it massively. We get each other a card, small present or do something tiny. My DP has never been one for huge gestures or flowers, instead he shows me every day in so many little ways that he loves me and notices me.

Yesterday we simply went for fish and chips on the seaside. It was so lovely and simple and it was perfectly fine with me.

Then I go on instagram. Everyone I know posting a couple picture. Red roses everywhere, girls I know taking videos of their kitchen covered in candles and photo frames and a dinner plate with a red rose on it.

I now somehow feel like shit?

I know SM isn’t real but I can’t help but feel like, was I supposed to get that? Is that what DP was supposed to do? Were we supposed to post each other on our stories (we didn’t)??

I hate it!!!

Mumsnet is nothing like social media sites such as Facebook and Instagram, because it’s anonymous people are generally more honest. It’s not all “isn’t my life wonderful” and people are generally saying things they don’t feel comfortable saying in real life because they fear judgement and giving a negative view of themselves. In fact, mumsnet actually makes me feel better about my life most of the time! Social media did not.

It's sounds like you have had a lovely day. My husband buys me flowers year round I'm not talking bouquets for £50 but just lovely bunches of flowers when I least expect it. We don't need a day to express how we feel for eachother or to confirm to the rest of the world how much we love each other.
If it was my choice I wouldn't bother at all but we do buy cards for eachother and he cooks a lovely meal.
Social media will always be full of people that want to impress others but we never know what truly goes on and yes some may be legitimate. If your happy and your loved that's all that matters.

Your fish n chip meal sounds ideal.
That is the reason I do not have instagram, posy want to be expensive hype.
Enjoy your genuine connection

Valentine's is such bollocks. Can't believe so many suckers fall for it.

Sounds like you had a lovely day OP

MN, Reddit, MSE, Digital Spy, etc are not the same sort of social media as FaceBook, Instagram, etc as they are anonymous forums and not somewhere you load up photos of your life story. OP is talking about the latter.

Your Valentines Day celebrations sound fabulous OP, and your DH sounds like a keeper.

I would rather have a man like your DP, who shows he loves you every day, than one who made a huge gesture on one day a year and that's it. Ignore the SM posts and just enjoy your own life.

We don't mark it at all, apart from a mention in passing between ourselves but don't even bother with cards. Neither of us get bothered by SM crap about it.

You're not confident enough in your own opinions op, that's the problem not social media. Start trusting yourself a bit more, you enjoyed your fish and chips, you don't care that you don't get presents and flowers on valentines - nothing wrong with that.

Also nothing wrong with people posting their meal out, or their flowers online if it makes them happy, doesn't mean they have a shit relationship or their partner is only generous one day a year.

Op if you'd put pics of fish n chips by the sea, I'd have been impressed by your pics much more than flowers and candles. It sounds much nicer.

We didn't even acknowledge the day at all and I wasn't bothered. I look at social media for inspiration and never feel inadequate.

This is the only Valentines post I saw in my social media. As others have already said, often it's the most insecure that write the most gushing posts. Celebrate all that you have, your day sounds lovely.

I'd prefer your day to those on SM. It's all fake and ick for me lol.

We were both at work till late. We don't do cards anymore as I don't really like them and neither does OH. We usually just have something nice for tea. Last year he cooked me a steak and this year he made me a pork and apple hot bun (one of my favourites) lol then we curled up and watched some more of the walking dead. Happy with that lol 😆😁

"It's the most insecure that write the most gushing posts"

100%. The couples I know that always post gushy wedding anniversary posts online, without exception, have been marriages that have had major issues - for example, they have split up for a while (years) and one has gone off with someone else. Or the husband played away, or attempted to, many many times during the marriage.

Honestly, if you had posted a photo of your fish and chips at the seaside as your valentine's a) it would be much more meaningful than all the valentine's tat posted and b) I'm pretty sure there would be people that would be envious of that.

You should. You say you're happy but then feel terrible. Delete it now

I know one in particular like that. Plastered her instagram with the very expensive flowers and cutesy shit her bf had bought her with captions of how loved up and special it all was. Blah.
except I work for her bf, so I know he’s fucked off with the lads for a football thing for 3 days and wasn’t even there. He’s just chucked a load of cash out and tada, valentines complete.
if you can’t accept SM is bullshit, you probably need to come off it.

Delete social media. If you feel worse after looking at it than you did before, it’s not doing you any good. I deleted social media a couple of years ago and I do not miss it one bit. Even though I knew it was all an illusion (people pretending to live their best lives) it still used to make me feel a bit sh*t after I’d looked at it. Ironic really as my DH and I are extremely happily married but didn’t used to bother posting our lives on social media, and I know others who would come across as living perfect lives on social media who behind the scenes were on the edge of divorce.

I don’t think I saw anything much on social media, except a male friend who received a penis shaped chocolate from an anonymous person! Which I thought was pretty cool 😂

But seriously the only people making a big deal about Valentines were companies trying to sell stuff!!

Try not to worry about what others do, make your life for yourself OP. Good luck!

Social media is an outlet for bragging and one-upmanship. Just delete it and enjoy the lovely relationship that you have.

FWIW, I think Valentine's day is overrated and is commercially driven by card and gift manufacturers. I told DH fairly early in our relationship that actually I would rather not get involved with it, so we havent "done" anything for Valentine's Day for about 30 years! But we do kind and considerate things, unprompted, for each other through the year.

Who cares what others are doing. We didn't even get each other cards this year as money was a bit tight.

Not only is it valentines day for us, but the day we got together (14 years ago this time). It's just another over commercialised day

If SM had the power to upset you- delete it isn't not worth it. For what it's worth your valentines sounds lovely.

We did similar, went for a curry and a walk by the seaside. No dressing up in anything fancy, just happy to spend time together. We have a very happy and loving marriage.

I saw all the SM posts but take them with a pinch of salt as I believe insecurity drives a lot of SM.

I went into the nearest city yesterday and it was crammed with (mostly) men carrying flowers.

I must have seen two hundred people carrying flowers. Twice when I was in a shop a delivery driver arrived with a bouquet for a member of staff. I can't remember ever seeing so many people celebrating Valentine's Day.

But that is a you problem not anyone elses fault.

H and I do nothing at all on Valentine’s Day. I see all the stuff on social media and all I think is that if that works for those people then great. But spending a fortune and making a big deal on it just isn’t us.

we show each other we love Each other every day. That’s more than enough for us.

The problem is that you don't know what you're really looking at. The extravagant display might have been there, but the only good part of an otherwise miserable day. Could be a deflection from an affair, making up after he's had a warning about divorce, anything. She might have set it up herself because she doesn't want to be the only one without these pictures. And it could be what it seems. You just can't tell. Honestly, it's best not to dwell. In the end, you had a lovely day. If you were to look inside your own heart for what would make you, you, happy, you've probably found it. If it wasn't so, you'd be staging photos/with someone who likes showing off in that way too.

Well, OP, this is social media too, and you have just posted about your lovely, albeit low key evening with a loving partner who makes you feel loved every day, and who has bought you a gift and card. All of which will be 100% more than a great many women will have received and who will be reading your post and feeling like shit and wishing they had your Valentines Day. So, be grateful for having a lovely and thoughtful partner, and stop comparing your lot; or if you are unhappy, do the “romantic” over the top thing for yourself and see if that makes you feel better or a bit hollow and forced and not who you are. SM over sharers only tell you the bits they want you to see - remember that.

You sound totally insecure, how ridiculous you're upset and questioning your DH because others got different things.

Get off SM and live in the real world.