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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What does FWB mean to you?

83 replies

Curiousto · 14/02/2024 20:07

There has been a few threads across all the boards recently where people in FWB arrangements have been told they aren't FWB by other MN users. One poster said they were exclusive FWB, and was told by another poster they weren't FWB, but were in a relationship.

On this night of lurve, what does FWB mean to you?

I've read with interest as for me, my FWB and I message every day, several times a day. We see each other about once a fortnight for the weekend. I've stayed at his for 6 days in a row. We go to the cinema, to restaurants, on walks, bike rides, to pubs, day trips out to local cities. Been on 2 UK 4 day breaks together. We've got events planned in the diary up to August. We've met each others friends and family.

We talk about the stresses of life and have supported each other through some tough situations. We mostly message, rarely call. It's been this way for 18 months.

I've slept with 3 others and been on a few dates in that 18 months. He doesn't know about them. He may have slept with others. I don't know. Not my business.

It works for us.

If you're in/have had FWB, what works for you?

If you've never experienced FWB, what are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Notevenslightlydamp · 14/02/2024 20:13

That sounds like a relationship to me.
I had a FWB - we'd go out for a drink, have a laugh, have a shag, go separate ways and repeat. We got on well but we were mates who slept together but we didn't share our lives to anything near the extent you do. I'd text him if I saw something he'd find funny etc, but he was not in my 'inner circle of friendship' (that is not a euphemism).

CantFindTheBeat · 14/02/2024 20:16

I think introducing to each other's families is unusual.

ChangedUserName13 · 14/02/2024 20:17

Yours sounds like a relationship / open relationship.

My FWB - was literally that.
We hung out for drinks / with our joint friends; went home, shagged had breakfast repeat.
Literally friends who slept together

We'd occasionally catch up in the week to see if either of us were around at weekend / if we saw something the it he would like - memes etc

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 14/02/2024 20:18

You’re in a relationship as far as I am concerned.

a FWB for me is someone I can have a drink with, and a shag. I wouldn’t normally message much outside of organising either of those two things. For me, it is “safe” as in not with a complete stranger in a random property, predictable and fun sex, with someone I can chat to in the glass of wine that comes before but I don’t need to explain why I’m leaving at 7am to.

Hipnotised · 14/02/2024 20:18

Fuck buddy.

Not had one, mind - not sure DH would be too happy 😂

LilBus · 14/02/2024 20:21

Some of the fwb I read on here are clearly just fuck buddies

Curiousto · 14/02/2024 20:34

My FWB - was literally that.
We hung out for drinks / with our joint friends; went home, shagged had breakfast repeat.
Literally friends who slept together

That sounds like fuckbuddys to me.

I have things planned in the diary with friends for the year. We restaurant, cinema, walk, bike ride, have days out. I've holidayed wth them. I message with another friend at least twice a day. Lots of my friends have met my family and other friends. I share my life traumas with my friends, as they do with me.

All those things are what friends do.

I'd really like the "exclusive FWB" poster to come on here. I'd like to hear more about how that works for them.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 14/02/2024 20:35

You’re in a non-exclusive relationship

FWB doesn’t have that level of intensity

pictoosh · 14/02/2024 20:51

FWB generally means being utilised for sex. To me.
Seems to be all about the benefits and not so much of the friends.

betterangels · 14/02/2024 20:52

That sounds like a non-exclusive relationship to me.

We're friends and texts once in a while and can have a drink and a chat, but we don't go on trips or know each other's families. I don't want that level of intensity/commitment. That's why I don't seek out relationships.

Dacadactyl · 14/02/2024 20:52

My thoughts are one or other of you is using the other and why you're not in a relationship, God only knows.

Noideawwhatsoccuring · 14/02/2024 20:54

Curiousto · 14/02/2024 20:34

My FWB - was literally that.
We hung out for drinks / with our joint friends; went home, shagged had breakfast repeat.
Literally friends who slept together

That sounds like fuckbuddys to me.

I have things planned in the diary with friends for the year. We restaurant, cinema, walk, bike ride, have days out. I've holidayed wth them. I message with another friend at least twice a day. Lots of my friends have met my family and other friends. I share my life traumas with my friends, as they do with me.

All those things are what friends do.

I'd really like the "exclusive FWB" poster to come on here. I'd like to hear more about how that works for them.

A fuckbuddy is someone you meet for just sex. No socialising. No going to the pub and having a chat.

How is your FWB introducing you to family?

Sounds more like you are in an open relationship. Not friends with benefits.

IncompleteSenten · 14/02/2024 20:54

Sex with no strings attached. Sleeping with someone you're friendly with but don't want to be in any sort of romantic relationship with.
Scratching itches, basically.

StormKevin · 14/02/2024 20:58

I now know the difference between a FWB and a fuck buddy. I think. Every day’s a school day!

Curiousto · 14/02/2024 21:11

pictoosh · 14/02/2024 20:51

FWB generally means being utilised for sex. To me.
Seems to be all about the benefits and not so much of the friends.

Woah. That sounds strong.

I love having sex. I find it so much better when you know the person and their likes/preferences and they know yours. I certainly don't feel utilised.

OP posts:
Froggy99 · 14/02/2024 21:16

FWB and fuck buddies are the same thing to me. What you’ve described sounds more like a casual, non exclusive relationship.

pictoosh · 14/02/2024 21:16

That's fine. You asked what it meant to me?

Curiousto · 14/02/2024 21:20

How is your FWB introducing you to family?

His brother dropped something off while I was at his one weekend @Noideawwhatsoccuring . Brother then invited me to join a birthday meal on another weekend I was at his. I was happy to hang out at FWB house but he felt rude leaving me when he'd invited me to stay, particularly as brother had asked for me to go as we'd really clicked. Going home isn't an option, as he lives a decent distance away.

He met my family a similar way. He was visiting the same weekend my brother was able to do one of his rare visits to my town.

OP posts:
Curiousto · 14/02/2024 21:20

pictoosh · 14/02/2024 21:16

That's fine. You asked what it meant to me?

Good point.

Apologies.

OP posts:
autumn1610 · 14/02/2024 21:21

I have been in a FWB situation which was a lot of messaging probs 4/5 days out of 7 and a meet up once a month where we would spend evening together and stay over and then leave in the morning. yours sounds more on the side of a relationship but to be honest does it need a label if it is works for you.

PurplePansy05 · 14/02/2024 21:23

What you're describing is a relationship IMO.

Years ago I had a FWB who was my ex partner (after several years apart). We both knew I'd be moving abroad in few months' time and we didn't want the ties. We had a fab time together, we did go out a lot, partied, had evenings out at the cinema and drinks. He popped in to stay at mine, I popped to stay at his, we had dinners together. I would say it turned into a but of a summer romance after starting as FWB, but we both knew it'd be no strings attached and we weren't in love, we just enjoyed each others' company physically and intellectually. It was a really good time, actually. We're still friends now, probably 15 years later. Both married and we have families, occasionally we collaborate professionally and we still respect each other a lot. Great memories, but absolutely none of the excitement now!

gamerchick · 14/02/2024 21:24

What you class as a fuckbuddy 'is' what a FWB is. You're describing a none exclusive relationship.

It doesn't matter anyroad. As long as there aren't any babies or STDs. Fill your boots.

TheSnowyOwl · 14/02/2024 21:25

I think a FWB is someone you sometimes have sex with but have no attachment or strong feelings for and you both sometimes have sex with other people. It’s not a particular regular occurance or else it’s just an open relationship.

TheCadoganArms · 14/02/2024 21:25

To me it has not been so clinical as just sex but more dating with zero expectations. Drinks, meals, cinemas etc a couple of times a month. Usually someone utterly removed from my main social circles or work. A secret almost.

maxelly · 14/02/2024 21:31

Yeah I mean it's your thing, you can call it whatever you like but to me it sounds a little bit beyond what I'd call friends with benefits.

To me FWB implies you have an ordinary friends relationship, but also happen to (sometimes) have sex. I don't usually plan weekends away just me and one friend (except my one best friend but I've known her since we were kids and she's more like a sister), I don't message my friends multiple times a day, I wouldn't expect to be be introduced to most of my friends wider circle, parents or extended family (except at birthday parties, weddings etc). Most of them I meet up with in group situations rather than 1 on 1. Those are the things that make your situation seem more like a long term casual/non commited or non exclusive relationship rather than FWB to me. FWB does also seem to have a short term element to it where either party can pretty much call an end to the 'with benefits' side to the relationship without notice and no hurt feelings on either side, whereas if you're planning trips etc I'm guessing either one of you would actually be quite hurt if the other suddenly decided sex was off the table?

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