How would you deal with this awful manager?

[Tsc2011]

I have a senior role in a mid- size company and my role is very technical. I’ve been here 5 years and mostly enjoy it (I work from home, good salary and benefits and a lot of flexibility). A few years ago a competitor asked me to interview with them and I went out of curiosity. There I met, we’ll call her ‘Sally’, who I immediately got bad vibes from and I decided the job wasn’t for me.
Cut to two years later and Sally joins our company and is immediately vile. What was a very friendly, supportive team suddenly had this woman who was aggressively competitive and uncomfortable to work with. I find her very competitive with me whilst I mostly try to avoid her. She was also best mates with our manager.
Three months in to her contract, and not even through probation, we get told she’s been promoted to be our line manager (an extra layer of management we’ve not had before).
I’m still not clear what her role as line manager is. She has very little to do with us (which I count as a good thing), and as I work from home I avoid her as much as possible. Her inexperience has shone through many times and we’ve all witnessed how much she likes to be right and agreed with, even when she’s wrong. Some of the interactions I’ve witnessed are just wrong and she’s not well liked.

Now, over the last few months I’ve been working on a very stressful project. I’ve also had loads of extra work piled on me by her whilst others on the team, including her, are doing barely anything. I’ve told her it’s stressful and I’ve asked for an extra pair of hands but none have been forthcoming. We’d warned management that the volume of work and the tight timeframe left us open to errors creeping in but they did nothing. The huge amount of stress and very long hours have led to a slight back injury becoming a lot worse and I ended up in hospital where I’ve been told that the tension has damaged nerves and I may now need an operation- all very stressful and painful.

I came back to work this week and in a call with her I asked how the stressful project was going. She told me that she’d taken it on and in the tens of thousands of calculations I’d done she’d found 4 mistakes (which should have been picked up by another colleague in review), she therefore didn’t trust my work so deleted it all and started again. For context we all review each others work and I always find countless mistakes in hers but she gets very snippy of you point them out. I was shocked. It was around 50 hours of work and 4/10000 is pretty good going in our line of work. She was obviously loving telling me this and said she’d informed her boss as well and had written a list of errors so that we can sit down and go through them. Fine, but then she went on to emphasise how unhappy she was and how much extra work I had caused her.
This was on all in my back to work meeting, where stress had played a big factor in my time off.

I feel really down. I’ve been working so hard with no thanks or appreciation so to pick me up on minor errors and make out they were worse than errors usually found in these projects has been gutting.

How would you deal with her when she wants to discuss this. She really makes my blood boil and I’m worried about how to take this.

By the way, if you do get this job on Friday (please God!) then go off on the sick for the rest of your time with these twats.

Good luck tomorrow

She sounds horrible and I sympathise. The first thing I’d suggest doing is documenting everything that happens - dates/times/exactly what’s been said/any witnesses. I also wouldn’t just keep letting things happen as you’ll not do your mental health any favours and you might end up wishing you’d nipped it in the bud.

Could you speak to her about how you’re feeling and follow it up somehow in an email so that you have it in writing. Do it in a respectful way but so that she knows how unreasonable she’s being and how she’s made you feel.

eg. Manager - I was disappointed with your feedback on my work and that you decided to redo it. I don’t feel that 4 errors in 10000 warranted this and the rework was unnecessary. Can we discuss and be clear about expectations going forward?

Also - I’d say something about the fact that your return to work meeting is supposed to be about how you are and how to support you and you didn’t feel you were given that opportunity.

Try to keep your cool, it’s annoying but sometimes people who patronise and are condescending are quite insecure deep down and this is how it manifests.

HR are there to protect the company but you have employment rights that she doesn’t have due to length of service. Your employer has a duty of care to prevent work related stress, HR will know that.

I have knots in my stomach just reading your last post, after my own negative workplace experience with a new hire, so I can really empathise with how you're feeling. I was fortunate in that a number of us -independently of each other - made our feelings known to management and, despite the new hire being married to a relatively senior and well respected colleague, they were asked to leave. It turned out the new hire had crossed a number of people in the firm and individually, we were all telling management that we couldnt work with her and were seriously considering leaving. All of us have been there for 5-10+ years with no previous issues with colleagues so it was taken pretty seriously.

With that in mind, I say talk to your colleagues who have issues with her and then talk to the MD. Big mouth or not, you'll probably be giving your reasons for leaving if you do get a new job and by doing it now, they might take action so you don't have to leave.

Good luck in your 1:1 tomorrow and in the job interview.

Thanks everyone. I’m very worried about tomorrow. She becomes very childish when confronted (name slinging, belittling and running to her best mate to get him to back her up etc) so I doubt it will be a reasonable and considered discussion. I think I’ll record the meeting. I just don’t want to cry.

No advice, just want you to be reassured that she is fucking batshit crazy.

Please do keep looking for other opportunities even if you don't get the job you are interviewing for. Of course it could all work out and you get a reset of things but I'm not really liking what I'm reading. You clearly feel that your bosses' boss is not someone you can trust to raise concerns and you've not had a good experience with HR and it sounds like you have a boss who could well be engineering a move to put you on a performance management plan (creating a paper trail of her concerns about the quality of your work is always the first step). You have to take very seriously that she could be setting up to manage you out (perhaps she has someone else in mind for your role).

I think your email was brilliant. She sounds deranged. Stay calm tomorrow. Write down what you want to say and practice it (and do some deep breathing) before you see her. We'll all be rooting for you - bullies have no place in the modern workplace.

She can only get your goat if she knows where you tie it up.

Have confidence @Tsc2011 whatever happens, you will still be capable after the meeting, whereas she will not.

Wishing you lots of luck for tomorrow and your interview on Friday.

if she starts name calling and getting personal you need evidence of how unprofessional she is so recording is a good idea.

@Tsc2011 I’ve rejoined just to say, having read the entire thread, this is so she can claim the work as hers! You need to make sure people know how little she has changed (considering it was so bad she had to ‘delete it all and do it again’). What a liar. I hate people taking credit for others’ work. Fuming on your behalf.

I know your not supposed to but I would record tomorrow's meeting. She appears to have given you little option but to do so.

Total respect for your email. I hate people like her. Her behaviour is so unnecessary.

Omg! So sorry you are going through this stress.
keep your cool during the meeting, is she says “your work was not of good quality” ask for specific examples then bam explain your logic.
can you take backups of your work going forward? I really hope you get a new job and when that happens pleeeasee send a formal letter to her spineless boss about her behaviour!!! So annoyed for you.

@Ohnobackagain thank you! Yes I agree. There’s not a lot of other work going on at the moment, just projects she doesn’t want to work on because she hasn’t got the experience. I have another full on project starting straight after this and we get judged on how many hours we charge clients so mine was looking good but hers was meh. This is also a client she desperately wants to ingratiate herself with .

Please don't record the meeting secretly it will only go against you. Explain you are going to take written notes so you can be clear about what she is asking of you and you can reflect on them afterwards.

If her behaviour is such that you can feel you are getting upset, stop the meeting and tell her that her behaviour is causing you to be ill and you are now going home.
Get up and walk out.

Well done Op, sounds like a well written email. Hoping it's not so awful tomorrow. Definitely record it if possible. I wonder if she's likely to revise if you request this though - not sure what the options are.

It sucks if you do have to leave but keep your cool & best of luck for tomorrow-rooting for you!

Ive suffered pretty much exactly the same. It drove me to the absolute edge, there really is no other option than another job.

Whatever happens, keep your cool. If they give you some crazy choice, don’t be put on the spot - say you’re going to give it some thought and will reply when you’ve considered it.

I think you need someone senior in that meeting and/or you need to say that this is all about billed hours, point out how little she’s changed etc.

What about taking on the work she doesn’t want (because she won’t want it ever and won’t interfere) not least to prove someone competent can handle it?

Still not sure whose idea it was she be an (unnecessary) line manager.

Best of luck for tomorrow. I would have my phone on in my pocket if I were you - I know it is not strictly ok, but with people like this sometimes you have to protect yourself. Take a deep breath, look at it as an opportunity to observe batshit behaviour in action, take the approach of a curious observer and ask her for specifics when she is critical and ask her to be explicit about the standards - for example, how many mistakes per 1000 calculations and what measures does she expect to catch them? People like this love to upset you - so the less upset you get, the better.

Good luck OP.

She's managing you out OP.

Its shit and awful to say but female managers are more often like this to female team members than males.

HR won't protect you. As a PP said, their role is to protect the company.

Start job searching.......

100% record that meeting.

Good luck she sounds awful.

Repeat things back to her

If she says ‘you made a lot of miskates’ repaeat ‘I made a lot of mistakes?’ And let her answer

let her justify her stance - she won’t like it as she is relying on your answers -

Take a pen and paper - and take notes by all means record the meeting - it will keep you in check if nothing else.

Do a follow up email just to confirm things discussed.

Good for you OP!
But, I am afraid that I would echo the thoughts of others. Really, staying and trying to fight this will be hellish. I’d say you want to protect yourself, and get out asap.

Do not record covertly. Ask if she minds recording it. Then make sure you write up a note, and get it agreed afterwards. If she turns up with HR, or someone else, don’t continue with the meeting - say you will need to postpone until you also have a supporter/representative.

You are essentially looking for self-preservation here. I may sound bitter and suspicious, but I am a bit, actually, after what I went through last year with my awful boss, who accused me of lying, not doing work on time, etc., when I was actually off sick!!

I would say that you are looking to find another job, and maybe see if you can even get a bit of a pay off from this one. I’m sure that colleagues/clients will say good things about you, which will override any attempts to besmirch your reputation.