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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having a favourite child is weird?

103 replies

Surnami · 12/02/2024 19:21

I have two brothers and growing up we did used to joke about who was the favourite but I genuinely don't believe that my parents had one and I think my brothers feel the same.

My dad is closer with the middle child and my mum is perhaps very slightly closer to the youngest and oldest but I definitely don't believe they love or even like us different amounts.

My DH is so blatantly the favourite that it's uncomfortable. Both he and his sister are very aware and when it's mentioned his parents haven't ever even really argued with it. Not only is he very obviously liked more but he's treated differently too. It's quite extreme.

My DH does not seem to think that this is weird at all. He acknowledges he is the favourite but has the attitude that "someone has to be". He thinks all parents have favourites and that anyone who says otherwise is lying.

I don't think he's right but I do sometimes doubt myself. I really don't think my parents have a favourite but they wouldn't tell me if they did.

We have one DS at the moment but both of us would like more. However if it really is this big secret truth that everyone has a favourite then I'd be a bit nervous of having another as it just seems so awful.

OP posts:
icallitasplodge · 12/02/2024 19:25

I agree with you. I don’t have a favourite at all.

My partners family very obviously favour his sister and she is a downright awful person so I can’t work out why but I think it is that she has needed to lean on them more, so they have a strange codependency thing going on now.

HRTQueen · 12/02/2024 19:26

I think there is a favourite more often than not

ask all the children, friends and family and so often one child is mentioned without hesitation

I don’t think they are necessarily loved more just a closer relationship

MolkosTeenageAngst · 12/02/2024 19:26

I think my parents had favourites but they mostly didn’t show it or treat us obviously differently, certainly materially. I do think it’s odd to have a blatant or explicit favourite and don’t think it’s the norm in healthy family dynamics, at least whilst the children are young. In adulthood maybe it’s different, my mum has an obvious favourite now but that’s largely because one siblings lives closer to her and has borne grandchildren so better to those of us who haven’t given her grandchildren and/ or those of us who live further afield.

AhBiscuits · 12/02/2024 19:28

I absolutely don't have a favourite, both of my children are wonderful in their own ways.
When I think about my SIL I feel like she MUST have a favourite, because one of her children is lovely and the other is a fucking nightmare.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 12/02/2024 19:30

I have two DDs and a DS on the way. I love them all equally already. My girls are so different but I love them so much. I can’t wait to see what my DS is like.

My parents didn’t obviously favour either me or DSis. They don’t quite treat us exactly the same but they do treat us equally if that makes sense.

MIL adores DH but she and FIL obviously love all of their children but FIL very much spoils youngest SIL. She can do no wrong in his eyes even though she has some seriously questionable personality traits.

JustMarriedBecca · 12/02/2024 19:30

I think it depends. Both my kids are so different. My son is cuddly, affectionate and loving. My daughter is fiercely independent.

I worry more for my daughter.

My son is one of life's golden children.

Vettrianofan · 12/02/2024 19:30

I have multiple children and they are all loved, no more than the other. There are no favourites.

Hopingforbetterluck · 12/02/2024 19:31

I am one of five and I don’t believe my parents have a favourite. We joke that the boys can do no wrong in my mums eyes but I’ve never felt anyone of us was the favourite.

I have two DC and I love them both equally. DS4 made me a mum and having him got me through some of the toughest of times when I had three late losses after him. Then DD came along a year ago and she is fabulous and seeing them together is amazing - neither are my favourite, they are both incredible in their own way. Don’t let the dynamic in your DH’s family put you off having another child. I think that situation is not the norm really, certainly not in any family I know.

FlamingoFloss · 12/02/2024 19:34

I only have one child but I do think about this (I have 2 siblings). I can only liken It to how I feel about my cats. I love them all but I have a couple
of special ones.
i think I’d be the same if I had more children

maudelovesharold · 12/02/2024 19:35

All three of mine think they’re the favourite!

Liontame · 12/02/2024 19:36

I have 3 and definitely don’t have a favourite. I love them all an incredible amount and I think the best way to describe it is, they each have their own section of my heart. We all have our own things we bond over and I take care to make sure they all get lots of cuddles and told how special they are to me.
I am a middle child and did sometimes feel like I wasn’t the favorite, which is maybe why I’m extra conscious of this.

BardRelic · 12/02/2024 19:36

My mum clearly prefers my brother. She tries quite hard to treat us equally and fairly but she just prefers him. He's her first born and a son and she just values that bond above a second born daughter. She's convinced girls are harder to bring up - she told me so repeatedly when I was a child. It didn't seem to occur to her that that would be a self-fulfilling prophecy. As a teenager I told her it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I suspect that was just another example of me being difficult.

I do think that if parents have a favourite they shouldn't treat them as such, particularly when they are younger children. I don't think it's inevitable that there is a favourite - but I do think it's quite common.

MissyB1 · 12/02/2024 19:37

Interestingly both my dh and his brother claim the other one was the favourite. Bil insists Dh was “golden balls” and Dh insists Bil was “the spoilt baby of the family”.

4Bangles · 12/02/2024 19:37

I think my mum and dad love us the same but like us differently as we have such different natures. My dad likes my brother much more for sure.

RockSocks · 12/02/2024 19:45

Maternal grandma's favourite was her only son and it was incredibly obvious.
My Dms favourite was my brother.
DF he would do anything me or my brother asked, he dosent play favourites.
Paternal grandma I'm not sure she has a favourite child but I am definitely the favourite grandchild, mostly because I am the only one who visits or calls for a chat.

I have 2 Dds I don't have a favourite child.
They have asked once or twice and I told them my favourite is the cat, they think it's hilarious and bring it up regularly.

Colinswheels · 12/02/2024 19:46

I don't have a favourite but my older child has an easier personality plus being older which means I sometimes prefer spending one on one time with her going shopping etc but this will likely come with my youngest in time too. My youngest is an absolute firecracker but she also brings so much joy and laughter.

My SIL insists my DH is the favourite but my PIL do everything for her including buying her a house to live in rent free and paying for her son's top of the range iPhone etc so no idea why she thinks that.

Windydaysandwetnights · 12/02/2024 19:49

Many dc here.. No favourites.. At times more favourable ages /stages sees 1 relationship easier than others. Swiftly changes as the months plough on!!. Teen years maybe we actually seep dislike at times but never love less!!

Darhon · 12/02/2024 19:49

My children think I have a favourite but can never quite narrow it down to which one. I don’t have a favourite. I’m the same with the cats I live with, I like them both the same.

Disturbia81 · 12/02/2024 19:50

No don't have a favourite. I can understand when they get older and one might be not a very nice person

OtterlyMad · 12/02/2024 19:53

I think it’s weird that your DH’s parents don’t even deny it! How horrible for his sister.

My siblings and I still make jokes about our parents having favourites but it’s always lighthearted. While I do think my parents were closer or favoured us at different times in our lives (e.g. my dad was closer to my brother when he was playing football because he was footie mad as well, but favoured me when I was at university because I was the only one of his kids that went so we had that in common) it was never consistently in favour of one child over another.

TheTimeIsNowMaybeNow · 12/02/2024 19:54

I have 4, my favourite is however is causing me the lest grief at the time.

I have a friend who quite obviously favours one of hers over the other

ChillysWaterBottle · 12/02/2024 19:55

YANBU. Having a favourite is weird and damaging.

FacingTheWall · 12/02/2024 19:57

My parents don’t have a favourite.

I don’t have a favourite as such, but I find it easier spending time with ds, because we’re more alike personality-wise. I find Dd trickier to deal with, but we have a lot of shared interests still and spend a lot of time together. They both know they’re loved equally.

Thedance · 12/02/2024 19:58

I don't have a favourite I love my children equally and I love my grandchildren equally. I don't think it's true that everyone has a favourite the whole idea seems alían to me. I don't have favourite friends either. I appreciate them all for who they are.

Theminer · 12/02/2024 19:59

I don’t think it’s unusual to have favourites… ive definitely observed it a lot but don’t think everyone does.

I knew a couple with twin girls- one very noticeably prettier than the other and they definitely favoured that one. We used to get sent 1000000 of pictures of one for every 2 pictures of the other.