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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think having a favourite child is weird?

103 replies

Surnami · 12/02/2024 19:21

I have two brothers and growing up we did used to joke about who was the favourite but I genuinely don't believe that my parents had one and I think my brothers feel the same.

My dad is closer with the middle child and my mum is perhaps very slightly closer to the youngest and oldest but I definitely don't believe they love or even like us different amounts.

My DH is so blatantly the favourite that it's uncomfortable. Both he and his sister are very aware and when it's mentioned his parents haven't ever even really argued with it. Not only is he very obviously liked more but he's treated differently too. It's quite extreme.

My DH does not seem to think that this is weird at all. He acknowledges he is the favourite but has the attitude that "someone has to be". He thinks all parents have favourites and that anyone who says otherwise is lying.

I don't think he's right but I do sometimes doubt myself. I really don't think my parents have a favourite but they wouldn't tell me if they did.

We have one DS at the moment but both of us would like more. However if it really is this big secret truth that everyone has a favourite then I'd be a bit nervous of having another as it just seems so awful.

OP posts:

Legendairy · 12/02/2024 20:33

I often tell mine that I don't have a favourite, I don't really like either of them, or I say my favourite is the one annoying me least that day 😂

My 2 boys are so different that I have such a different relationship with both of them.

Wednesdayonline · 12/02/2024 20:34

I think my parents have always loved us completely equally. However now as adults they spend more time and energy on whoever needs the most help from them which tends to be the youngest, but I don't think that's due to favouritism, more need.

Chairwoman · 12/02/2024 20:34

I genuinely don’t have a favourite either. Mine are all boys - 8, 6 and 2. Obviously different age stages but also totally different personalities and looks!

DS1 is sporty, confident, outgoing, clever and fun. We can have such a laugh together. He’s so charming and will talk to anyone.
DS2 is cute as a button, kind and profoundly worldly! He’s quiet and a bookworm but also silly and really pushes himself out of his comfort zone even when he’s shy.
DS3 is fierce and knows his own mind (well he is a toddler) but also so loving and clever. He’s coming on leaps and bounds and is really starting to develop his speech and personality.

Sometimes they equally drive me mad but I honestly do not love one or favour one. Which is weird for me as an only child ha, I don’t understand the dynamics having not grown up in a big family.

TheSnowyOwl · 12/02/2024 20:36

All of my children think they are my favourite. Most of the time I prefer the cat.

Legendairy · 12/02/2024 20:45

TheSnowyOwl · 12/02/2024 20:36

All of my children think they are my favourite. Most of the time I prefer the cat.

My pug is definitely my favourite 😂

Veggie1965 · 12/02/2024 20:46

I have always joked that I love all three but at times I haven’t particularly liked them.
As adults they all get it !

phoenixrosehere · 12/02/2024 20:47

My little sister is my mum’s favourite and I was my dad’s favourite. Replaced by my 3 mo daughter as his favourite.

NaughtyBoyGeorgeMichaelJacksonBrown · 12/02/2024 20:48

My mum is the younger sister of my uncle and has always made it clear (to me) that she hates how much her mum favours her older brother and how the red carpet is rolled out for him.

However, she has then gone on to very much favour my older brother over me; materially, time -wise, financially, "understandingly" and emotionally. The irony is palpable!

Like a PP has said though...any attempt to bring this up meant I was the 'difficult and hard to love' one! Self fulfilling prophecy.

I have an only so I can't comment on it but my XH did say he wouldn't want to have another kid with me because there was no way I could love any baby more than my DC. Bullshit projection IMO.

Have definitely observe the phenomena time and time again. Sometimes it's just needs-based but sometimes it's fricking obvious!

Veggie1965 · 12/02/2024 20:48

Legendairy · 12/02/2024 20:45

My pug is definitely my favourite 😂

Show quote history

Yes my JRT is the easiest 😂

Jellykat · 12/02/2024 20:49

I dont have a favourite, both my boys are very different.

However, my abusive ex p used to brag that his mother told him regularly that he was her favourite (3 siblings).. I truly believe this helped to form his entitled Narcissistic character.

PriOn1 · 12/02/2024 20:54

Please, OP, don’t have a second child with this damaged man. My DH was the favourite child in his family and his making it obvious that one of our children was his favourite has damaged all my children, but especially the one who felt most rejected.

We are now divorced and all my children are no-contact with my ex, but there was a danger for a while, that I would lose contact with one of them as he blamed me for allowing his father to treat him as he did.

Having favourites causes no end of pain. I love all my children unreservedly and equally, and that is how it ought to be. Obviously some are easier to get on with than others, but the love they receive should still be equal and they should never, ever feel they are lesser or less loved than their siblings. If I could go back and only have one child with him, I would.

whatwhhatt · 12/02/2024 20:54

I have three and definitely don't have a favourite...they all think they are my favourite 😅

However I think at different times each one has needed me more- so may have gotten more attention/time with me/money spent on them etc. I make it very clear to them that I will do anything thing in my power to get them the best I can and if it's not your turn to need it this time know that when you need it it will be there. When they were younger it would be things like new clothes because they had grown out of them and I wasn't replacing three sets of wardrobes 😂

MrBanana · 12/02/2024 20:56

I don’t have a favourite but I do have one child who is a pleasure to parent and the other who is much harder work. I admire them and love them both equally though.

ChiefEverythingOfficer · 12/02/2024 21:00

I don't have a favourite. My children are all so very different it would be impossible.

I do have favourite things about each though.

DS1 - as an adult his intellect and ability to stretch me in conversation.
DS2 - as a young adult his easygoing and affectionate nature.
DD - as an older teen her strength and sensitivity

My parents appeared to heavily favour my brother - it's only now I am much older, that I can see he needed more. Rather than favouritism.

Very odd to have a blatant favourite indeed.

Hellostrawberries · 12/02/2024 21:01

For me there's a difference between favouritism and favourite. I have two young adult daughters. There's no favouritism whatsoever. I would never do anything for one and not the other. But ... DD1, as is completely normal at 21, finds me completely boring. She only comes to life when she's with her friends and bf and makes minimal attempt at conversation with me. DD2 on the other hand adores me. She always wants to talk to me and tells me everything that's going on in her life. She's my favourite one to spend time with.

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/02/2024 21:02

My parents had subliminal favourites: my dad favoured me and my mum favoured my sister. Neither of them would have admitted this openly in a million years but my sister and I both knew.

This was mainly down to temperament and personality: my dad (deceased) and I were both fiery, argumentative extroverts who liked to win every point and my DSis and my mum were much milder mannered janitors and both introverts.

I don’t think they even would’ve recognised it themselves.

But it must be horrific for them to be explicit about this.

TimetoPour · 12/02/2024 21:02

I always have a favourite. It depends on which day of the week it is, who has done their homework, who has done a chore without asking etc. If they have both pissed me off then my favourite is the dog 😆

Someone is always my favourite, the other always gets a turn too- we laugh about it and the kids usually end up giving each other a dead arm 🤷‍♀️.

Cant imagine ever seriously loving one more than the other though.

letscrackopenthebiscuits · 12/02/2024 21:04

FlamingoFloss · 12/02/2024 19:34

I only have one child but I do think about this (I have 2 siblings). I can only liken It to how I feel about my cats. I love them all but I have a couple
of special ones.
i think I’d be the same if I had more children

Edited

Haha. Oh god.

Allthingsdecember · 12/02/2024 21:04

I have two children and I was so worried about this when I was pregnant with my youngest. Now they are both here I can’t imagine loving one more than the other.

StrawberryEater · 12/02/2024 21:09

I don’t know how common it is but my DH always was and remains the favourite child of both his parents. It has been very damaging to his siblings, especially his younger brother. He hasn’t been given more than them or anything like that, but it’s just horribly obvious when you see them all interact. It makes me feel deeply uncomfortable.

mondaytosunday · 12/02/2024 21:12

I was my mother's favourite. She treated us the same, we all got the same amount of her time and care. But I knew. As I got older she and I would have long talks and I would go on walks with her. Neither of my siblings had the same connection, but to the outside world and maybe even to my sisters we were all equal. I don't think she loved me more though, just that we had a slightly closer relationship.

OnTheBanks · 12/02/2024 21:14

I'm one of six, I don't think my parents had a favourite

caringcarer · 12/02/2024 21:30

I've got 3 adult DC one DD and 2 x DS's. I don't have a favourite. I do see my youngest DS more frequently because he lives 3 miles from me and the others 140 and 150 miles away. My MiL definitely loves DH's brother more than DH. It makes DH sad because he's a fantastic son to her and when FiL died he went up and spent 10 days of his holiday helping her sort out his funeral and his brother did absolutely nothing.

MrBanana · 12/02/2024 21:34

My DH is one of five. We all know (and joke) about the order of favourites and my MIL makes no bones about it being true. The favourite children have had the favourite grandchildren. So much so my DS thought they weren’t his grandparents too but exclusively his cousins who are the chosen ones. I did get my DH to tell my MIL that was what he said as my DS was also commenting on the extra gifts etc that they got and I asked that if she chose to gift one child and exclude others she’s did it tactfully and out of the left our children’s knowledge.

BruFord · 12/02/2024 21:45

My two children (18 & 15) are such different personalities that I inevitably have different relationships with them. But I don’t have a favorite, I love them equally and find them irritating equally. And I know that they feel the same about me. 🤣

DH is one of four though and there definitely seems to be two Golden and two Less Golden children. Except they shift! For years, his brother and his younger sister were the Goldens, but I think that DH is usurping his brother’s place now.

Tbh, I think his parents have finally realized that DH’s brother is self-centered and DH isn’t. It’s a case of you reap what you sow.

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