Offended MIL went for lunch with BILs GF

[DeCourtes]

Hey, so I’m probably being over sensitive but I’m quite upset. DH and I have 2 DC, 4 and 2. We’ve been together 10 years, married 6.
DH has a brother who is 11 years younger, he is definitely his parents favourite, he’s a competitive sportsman (earning money I mean, pro), he’s in the early stages and still quite young, obviously as a result his parents have put all their energy into him for many years.
MIL and I aren’t close, we live 10 minutes apart and see her maybe once every 3 weeks. She does have the kids more but doesn’t actually bother with DH or I. In the 10 years we’ve been together, we have never gone for lunch or dinner or a drink without DH. My own mum is currently living in New Zealand so I’d have loved more support from MIL, however it’s clear she’s not much of a fan of me.
BIL has a new girlfriend, she’s 20, been together since summer. Due to the nature of what he does he is hardly home though, so they haven’t actually spent loads of time together. Things seemed to get serious fast though. She is definitely more MILs type (very attractive and very well off) compared to me.
Today BIL was coming back to the uk for the first time since Christmas, obviously a big deal. MIL went down to London to see him off his flight. It’s 1.5 hours on the train and his flight wasn’t due in until 4. She went down first thing and had brunch with BILs girlfriend, has sent loads of pics of them together to the family group chat and added her to it??
Im really upset she’s putting more effort in with a GF of 7 months than a wife of 10 years.
DH just thinks it is what it is?!

AIBU to be offended and upset?

So you use your mil for childcare twice a week but you’ve never once taken her for lunch or coffee. It sounds like you’re the problem. I regularly used to go and visit my mil with our son when my husband was working. You have to put in the effort. It seems like you want the childcare but don’t want to make any effort with her.

It's also beyond rude to always turn down your offer of coffee or coming into the house, extremely rude.

@lizdanvers have you read the op.

I don't think you have because op says when she was younger she would always invite mil out for coffee and now she always invites her in after mil drops off the children inspite of just getting home herself!.

Far from wanting free childcare: she doesn't want mill to look after them, at all.

Iv been with my partner 20 years have 2 kids, my SIL been with Older BIL for 15 years 1 kid, younger BIL girlfriend 1 year there’s pictures up of them in MIL house but none of me and SIL 😂😂😂

Why do you want to spend more time with her?? You clearly can't abide the woman! 😂

If OP likes her then worth investing some energy in resolving the situation. If not then why look for anything more, if that is the case accept more distant relationship and try not to care about her having lunch with bil's girlfriend.

If mil is likeable it could be habit/taking relationship with OP for granted that is the issue rather than deliberate exclusion. (I don't think one brunch proves anything either way).

Do people have to be treated exactly the same. I mean different people have different relationships. Obviously it’s not nice if someone is scapegoated or treated badly, but this doesn’t sounds as that level. Sounds like they just maybe get along more for whatever reason.

My FIL is, and always has been, pleasant and kind to me. He really doesn’t like my SIL husband however. So the relationship between FIL and his 2 children in law is very different, but we are very different people and my SILS husbands personality clashes with FILs where as mine doesn’t.

The OP has said she'd rather her kids went to nursery than be looked after by her MIL. So she clearly doesn't like her. Maybe MIL has picked up on this which is why she refuses OP's insincere invitations. Not rude, just not a hypocrite.

It costs me £8450 per year for 2 days nursery.

My mil could take my worst enemy for brunch if she saved me that much money.

I think as far as shit MILs go, you haven't done too badly OP. She doesn't like you but still does childcare and doesn't cause drama from the sound of it.

It definitely could be worse, having read years worth of MIL threads on here!

Would you actually like brunch with your MIL, you don’t sound like you like her very much?

Do you ever invite them round for a meal?