Offended MIL went for lunch with BILs GF

[DeCourtes]

Hey, so I’m probably being over sensitive but I’m quite upset. DH and I have 2 DC, 4 and 2. We’ve been together 10 years, married 6.
DH has a brother who is 11 years younger, he is definitely his parents favourite, he’s a competitive sportsman (earning money I mean, pro), he’s in the early stages and still quite young, obviously as a result his parents have put all their energy into him for many years.
MIL and I aren’t close, we live 10 minutes apart and see her maybe once every 3 weeks. She does have the kids more but doesn’t actually bother with DH or I. In the 10 years we’ve been together, we have never gone for lunch or dinner or a drink without DH. My own mum is currently living in New Zealand so I’d have loved more support from MIL, however it’s clear she’s not much of a fan of me.
BIL has a new girlfriend, she’s 20, been together since summer. Due to the nature of what he does he is hardly home though, so they haven’t actually spent loads of time together. Things seemed to get serious fast though. She is definitely more MILs type (very attractive and very well off) compared to me.
Today BIL was coming back to the uk for the first time since Christmas, obviously a big deal. MIL went down to London to see him off his flight. It’s 1.5 hours on the train and his flight wasn’t due in until 4. She went down first thing and had brunch with BILs girlfriend, has sent loads of pics of them together to the family group chat and added her to it??
Im really upset she’s putting more effort in with a GF of 7 months than a wife of 10 years.
DH just thinks it is what it is?!

AIBU to be offended and upset?

but worry not, when she’s old and needs help she wont see golden son or his gf for dust, it will all be down to your dh, because you won’t be bothering with her either

What a lovely way to repay her for looking after your children twice a week...

OP - It's coming across that you don't like MIL either and just have your nose out of joint because she's dared to like someone who doesn't despise her

"We should go for coffee sometime" is not the same as "Hey, let's grab a coffee together on X day" or what's likely happened here "if you're coming down to meet DS too, why don't we grab lunch together?"

And why shouldn't a (currently at least) serious partner be invited into the family chat?

Can't you and your husband say no?

Does your MIL abduct your children twice a week?

To all the people having a pop about the childcare - the MIL didn't bother her arse with OP before the kids came along.
I think as PP said, Goldenballs son has been the priority and by extension his gf is now No 1 DIL (or pseudo DIL).

I can understand why it would upset you when you're on the other side of the world from your own mother and family and you've tried to build a relationship with MIL but it's not been reciprocated. I think you'll just have to adopt your husband's attitude and think well, have it your way, but I do understand why you feel the way you do.

DH likes her having them, it’s a compromise, if it were up to him/her it would be everyday.

OP, can you explain what you think two women meeting the same person off a plane, should've done about eating food?

Do you really think they should've eaten in separate places?

Don't you think that'd be really odd?

Is 7 months serious at 20/21?

You seem really ungrateful. You'd rather have them in nursery? You really must hate your poor MIL, absolutely no gratitude.

Its no wonder she has warmed to the other girlfriend if this is what she's been dealing with 😕

Is 7 months serious at 20/21?

Only the couple in question know if their relationship is serious?

Realistically, BIL has been out of the country more than he has been in and they are quite young, I’d imagine they aren’t that serious!

It doesn’t sound as if she is really someone that you want to spend time with. I’d bet that she asked your MIL for brunch.

Why don’t you suggest something to your MIL?

It might well be. They know how they feel

I'd consider it serious enough for her to be in the family chat tbh if she's met the rest of them/known to them. Or is she not allowed until married?

You can't decide that on someone else's behalf.

I knew very quickly with my DH that our relationship was serious.

I don't understand what that's got to do with anything though?

You've had 10 years to get close to your MIL and it hasn't happened. Now you're jealous that she might be getting close to your BIL's GF.

Why does it matter how long they've been together or how serious it is? They're their own women, they can do what they like.

You're not close to your MIL though. And from your posts, it seems you like it that way. So it's a win win. Maybe she's just "clicked" with BIL's girlfriend, in a way that you two never have. It's not about how long she's been on the scene.

From your posts, I'm not at all surprised that your MIL prefers her son's girlfriend. You sound unpleasant and extremely unappreciative.

I've been married 22 years, together 26, and I have never been anywhere with my MiL without DH. Don't think it has ever occurred to us. She's his mum, not mine. Likewise, he would never spend time with either of my parents without me.

Is there a particular reason why you don't like your MIL?

Something that happened ages ago, for example?

This

however it’s clear she’s not much of a fan of me.

What's clear from your OP, is that you are not a fan of hers, despite you using her so much for full on childcare 2 days a week.

Well, quite.

My MIL won’t even visit our kids if my partner isn’t here. She chose to spend Christmas alone because he ended up working Christmas Day when she was supposed to come to our for dinner before we knew he was working. We had dinner anyway without them both!

Rather than be upset or envy this new woman, be relieved you don’t have to deal with someone that petty. Would you really want to hang out with this woman?

You see your MIL more than I see my mother (not for want of trying), so you are quite close.

Why do you feel offended when you clearly don't like her? Or BIL by the sound of it. Strange.

I’d be more than happy not seeing my mother in law! We’ve just had a baby and they seem to think they can just pop round…

If you’re that bothered by seeing your MIL one to one then invite her out for brunch or lunch.

I've known my MIL for nearly 30 years. We have a cordial enough relationship, but have absolutely nothing in common.
She has never done any childcare, partly because she lives hours away, but she hasn't wanted to cover holidays - that's fine, it's a valid choice. My own DM didn't want to either, and I respect their choices.

MIL has a much closer relationship with her other DiL - they enjoy each other's company, and frequently meet up for meals, days out etc.

This is normal. We are naturally drawn to some people over others. It's only an issue if you make it one.