Was it unreasonable to take the table

[user17382]

Out with Dm today and my young DC's. There is a particular cafe that we really like and hadn't visited for a while. Went in and there were not tables so we said we would do some more shopping and then come back to see if any were free. Went back about 30 mins later and we see a table of 4. So we went straight to it and sat down/took coats off etc and went up to order.

At this point we realised a couple at the counter were complaining about us to the waitress. Apparently they had been about to sit at our table and as it was the last one available in there they now had nowhere to sit. Staff were very good and moved things around to get them some chairs but they spent the whole time in there tutting and giving us dirty looks.

My logic is that when going in to somewhere busy we always find a table first and then order. If we waited in line with the kids and then went to find a table and couldn't get one we would be stuck as the kids are too young to take the food or drink as takeout. But then I did feel really uncomfortable and that maybe we did something wrong.

Oh come on, everybody does this, you walk in, you find a table and then you go and order your food, especially if it’s busy.

I find it bonkers that so many people would queue up for food and/or drinks without being guaranteed a table to sit at and enjoy said products!! 100% YANBU, I would always get a table first then look at what I want to have!

*You do if it’s the only seat available

Actually I personally wouldn’t as I hate sharing space, but you have to accept if you’re going to take up fewer seats than you need that someone may come and join you. Blame the cafe for not having 3 seat tables.*

So really you agree. 🤣

MN is nuts!

I’m in 2 minds - I think it’s fine for people to ask, and you have to expect to share space, really… but I hate it so wouldn’t do it myself (and would have to leave if someone asked me). But I don’t think it’s rude of the person who wants to sit down just bloody weird

Come on, now. This is not how coffee shops work at all! It’s unusual and very much not the norm to ask to take the fourth seat in such a scenario.

Of course, I’d agree to you joining us if it were me and my two children, for example. I wouldn’t want you to have to stand. But I don’t think this happens a lot at all. Most people would find it a bit odd at the very least.

Yes it’s very odd to sit at a table with 3 people and be the 4th person as a stranger. Whilst they’re having food/drink it’s their space. And to still sit there until any friends join them. Bugger off! Any random would be invading it. It’s so so so odd. Honestly don’t care if you don’t want to eat at a park on your own (?) because if I’ve arranged to meet and chat with friends at a cafe, a random stranger wouldn’t be welcome.
Two people taking up a 6 seating table, no issues at plonking yourself at the other end, but it’s just the personal space issue for me. It’s so weird…

Thank you for saying this.

I'm a widow and most times I'm eating out I'm on my own. It's frustrating to pay for my food and then see couples or groups coming in and 'booking' tables by having one person sit at it. (The exception is if someone has a disability or is obviously pregnant.)

One of those 4 seater tables. 3 friends chatting over coffee and in comes @user1471554720 and plonks herself into the circle. " Is this chair free?"

( clearly no-one is sitting there so 🤷‍♀️)

Honestly 😄😭

No one does that!

I'm a widow and most times I'm eating out I'm on my own. It's frustrating to pay for my food and then see couples or groups coming in and 'booking' tables by having one person sit at it. (The exception is if someone has a disability or is obviously pregnant.)

I'm a widow and I leave my coat there. 🙄

She doesn't even asks if the chair is free, just decides they are lying when they say another friend is joining them!

Honestly, the manners of some people! There have been times when I've gone to a café as too tired to go home and cook when various different relatives have been receiving end of life care in the nearby hospital, another time I'd sadly suffered a stillbirth, there was a time my husband left and I went out for coffee with a friend. I've been there also supporting other friends through various issues including breast cancer, marriage breakdown, family death, child illness, job loss etc etc. We don't just go to a café to eat - it's also a social function. Can you imagine some rude stranger plonking themselves down in any of those situations? Normally, it would just be to catch up, but you can't go around assuming it's ok to just intrude on others.

Fortunately, in the real world, this doesn't seem to be a situation that actually arises. At least not where I live. But then, I don't live somewhere where people speak like guests on Jeremy Kyle and say "talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening".

@Fallenangelofthenorth its completely bonkers

Usually try and get a table first then order otherwise there may be nowhere to sit lol 😆 Someone stays there and other goes to order for both/group? . Unless with a child in which case it's pot luck.

It's not "your space"

If it's an informal café venue it's incredibly precious to think you can't share a table.

It’s quite normal to expect to have that table for the exclusive use of your party for a reasonable period of time!

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle its no where near precious to expect to sit with friends/your group, at a table you have sat at. It’s not a free for all. That’s the whole point of tables surely. For groups, whether it’s one or 6, it’s a group of people who CHOOSE to sit and eat/drink together

It's not "your space"

It sort of is though.

Hmm, anyone joining couples having their Valentine's coffee and cake today?

It's extremely rude and selfish not to offer a space if the only free space is the one occupied by your imaginary 4th friend.

I expect the people who have a problem with sharing are ones who thinks their handbags are entitled to a seat on a train.

Absolutely. There are lots of places and spaces in life no one actually owns but polite social norms mean that people with good manners respect others space and don’t intrude on them.

*It's extremely rude and selfish not to offer a space if the only free space is the one occupied by your imaginary 4th friend.

I expect the people who have a problem with sharing are ones who thinks their handbags are entitled to a seat on a train.*

You're getting defensive now. 😂😄😄👍🏻

Alway table then food who wants to wander round with hot food trying to grt a blinking seat

I think the reason this is so rare is that the random person doesn’t want to sit with three strangers who are having a chat in the first place!

Next time you’re in a cafe, have a look round. I think you’ll find that every table has been commandeered by people who know each other. Many tables will have the odd free seat. That’s how it goes.

That’s not to say I would refuse to accommodate someone who found themselves in a pickle due to lack of planning. But it just never happens! This is that fake version of reality you’re describing!

If it became the norm for random people to just rock up and join me whilst enjoying a meal with friends, then "entitled" or not, I wouldn't eat out ever. I don't want some stranger just sat there - no doubt with terrible table manners since they CLEARLY don't have any understanding of the correct table etiquette- like bloody Jim from Friday Night Dinner.

And I dare say there'd be a hell of a lot of free tables tonight if your romantic meal for two might have the potential to include some random sat there between without even asking.

This thread is just getting silly now.

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle haha ridiculous. My bag goes on my lap, and anyone can sit next to me, because public transport is a free for all, and spaces get used up quickly. Plus you don’t go on public transport to socialise with pals, only for then some random to plonk themselves down next to you, invading your space and conversation

I’ve known it happen a couple of times IRL (excluding restaurants where they actively make you share space with strangers). Both in NT cafes, weirdly enough, and the “intruders” were probably in their 70s with the groups being in their 20s/30s.