Was it unreasonable to take the table

[user17382]

Out with Dm today and my young DC's. There is a particular cafe that we really like and hadn't visited for a while. Went in and there were not tables so we said we would do some more shopping and then come back to see if any were free. Went back about 30 mins later and we see a table of 4. So we went straight to it and sat down/took coats off etc and went up to order.

At this point we realised a couple at the counter were complaining about us to the waitress. Apparently they had been about to sit at our table and as it was the last one available in there they now had nowhere to sit. Staff were very good and moved things around to get them some chairs but they spent the whole time in there tutting and giving us dirty looks.

My logic is that when going in to somewhere busy we always find a table first and then order. If we waited in line with the kids and then went to find a table and couldn't get one we would be stuck as the kids are too young to take the food or drink as takeout. But then I did feel really uncomfortable and that maybe we did something wrong.

I've always said, each table should have a number on it, but like on a stand, and you have to take it with you when you order. If you don't have it, or it's not on the table, it's obviously being used by someone else. It's a crazy system to let people queue up when there might not be a table for them when they're done.

so may just be an issue with where you live

Northern and north-western cafe cuisine is heavy on the round bun with filling. If they have gluten-free bread, it's that awful Schar stuff that was made in a cement mixer using the same amount of sand you'd use for the actual cement. Spud U Like was a lifeline for me until they closed 😭

Not particularly relevant to whether you should get a table first or not, though.

It explains why I've not experienced the problem everyone else is discussing of the food service happening faster than the tables are vacated. One of my more computer sciencey colleagues described "food before table" as setting up a "race condition" so I'm off to find diagrams.

Not being unreasonable at all, it’s standard practice to leave a coat or similar at the table, especially if there are two of them, one stays with the table.

standard practice worldwide

suspect that the kind of venues you describe fail the "have you got anything gluten-free?" test by offering sandwiches, toasted sandwiches, soup and a roll, and variations on a theme of cake, and will say "I think the crisps are gluten-free? Sorry..." or hold up the vomit-inducing hell that is a Mrs Crimble puketastic coconut concoction that's been gathering dust for six months ahead of this moment and do the "see, we have something, did I do well?" grin that makes me think of a puppy doing it's first "sit" trick.

What absolute tripe.

But all this talk of 'trailing Granny'. She's an adult woman with autonomy!

Apologies. Didn't mean to sound ageist.
Though adults do trail as well. Especially if they're taking up the rear keeping errant toddlers in place.

YANBU jesus people aren't psychic I would have assumed they were from a different table.
Rules are always table first food second.. Leave 1 person sitting at table. Duh.

If someone randomly sat down next to me, i'd turn the convo extremely crude and maybe even disgusting, in the hope of making them feel uncomfortable - i have no shame! Just like the person invading my space.

I'm in the table first, then order camp.

I'm with you OP. With these sorts of places you have to make sure you have a seat first. So, get a table, show the table is occupied, then go and order.

I could clear a room, nevermind a table, by sharing the horrifying details of my perimenopausal periods and blood clots in varying sizes. Smallest being pea sized, some grape sized, going all the way up to egg/tomato sized. Just what you want when you're tucking into a jam doughnut!

That happened to me. I was with a friend having a private conversation about her ex partner and a random sat at our table (without asking if it was free) then told us to tone our conversation as she didn’t need to hear that sort of talk.

Well sit somewhere else then love and don’t invade others space

It's definitely common sense. It's ridiculous to order and then wander around looking for a seat

YANBU I'd have done the same thing. Whose to say the couple at the counter weren't going to take away? One of them could have gone and sat at the table while the other ordered. Even if they were paying separately...

Table first and then food. Why on earth would someone order food without knowing they can sit?!
I wouldn't say you're unreasonable at all!

This, im on my own so i grab a table put my coat over the back of a chair then go order.

This has turned a bit...
So now people are saying it's rude to sit down next to others? Say a couple sat at a table for 4 or 6, and somebody else comes along and sits down as there is nowhere else. People find this rude?? Friggin hell.
I gather you don't go to festivals and gigs and stuff.
Incredible. That is massively rude not to offer the remaining spaces. If you want a private convo, stay at home.

It's rude not to ask, yeah. And even ruder to still sit there, having not asked, when you've been told not to sit there as someone else is joining them. I would never do that myself. I don't think it's a common occurrence though as it's certainly never happened to me. Where I live people would always ask, and the existing diners would always say "sure, no problem". It's the lack of manners at the beginning that sets the tone.

That was not the scenario thought the poster that was told she was being rude had said she would join three people at a table for four, even if they asked her not to by politely saying the space was taken.

I only share a table if there are no free tables available. It is very rude for 3 people to take 4 seats and leave another person stand with their purchased food. I often don't have anywhere to eat the food so I can't get 'take out'. It is very unsafe as a lone woman eating my food in the park just so 3 people can share a 4 seater and not be discommoded!!

It makes sense for a group to get the table first, some order while some keep the table.

When meeting friends we aim to meet at quieter times or alternatively book a table at a good restaurant. We don't take over the place and force a lone woman into unsafe situations.

The conversation did turn crude once. I explained that they were taking up a large table for 2 and that I had no other seat. I also said that I HAD to sit until I was finished my food so, in other words, turn crude awat. Talk to the hand, cos the face aint listening.

It's not unsafe to eat in the park on your own. Don't be silly. I am glad you only book at 'good' restaurants though. Personally I only eat at shit ones.

I think it’s very rude not to let someone sit down if there are no other spaces available. Yes, the person should check first that the seat isn’t (genuinely) taken, but they’re not really asking for permission.

I don't find this wrong or unreasonable at all. Why would you order food and then stand around looking for a table? You find a table and, as the poster has said, order food so you know you have somewhere to sit to eat said food. Numbers on tables, waitresses, doesnt matter - you dont order food to sit in and eat without having somwhere to sit and eat! Especially with young children, you would be stupid to order food and then hope for a seat while you have those to keep under control too! And if there is no seating what then? Sit them on the floor to eat? You'd get judged for that!

Not to mention you don't always know what those people queuing are going to be ordering - did the couple giving them dirty looks actually order food and want to sit with it, or were they just ordering a coffee that they could have just as easily taken away and sat outside with? As some others have mentioned, in some cafes you go from one extreme to the other - people saving tables and then ordering, which for some reason sounds absurd to some even though its completely logical, and people who may order a coffee and then sit and nurse it for 2 hours on a table for 4+ while people are in and out searching for somewhere to sit to eat a full meal.

By the sounds of some of these responses, you can't win no matter what you choose to do.

We don't take over the place and force a lone woman into unsafe situations.

For goodness sake.

It's usually coffee and a bun with mates not "forcing lone women " into anything. You are really stretching this topic. I'm howling.

You do not go and join three people sitting together at a table of four.

You do if it’s the only seat available

Actually I personally wouldn’t as I hate sharing space, but you have to accept if you’re going to take up fewer seats than you need that someone may come and join you. Blame the cafe for not having 3 seat tables.

You do not go and join three people sitting together at a table of four.

Nope I wouldn't. 😄 I mean seriously.

Very possibly if it was a bigger table and they were one end and I was another.