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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are some MN so vile?

102 replies

IsMNReallySoAgressive · 12/02/2024 00:01

Some lovely people on MN.

However… I have been following a few threads tonight and I’ve noticed how unkind some people can be.

”My trauma was worse than yours so stop complaining.”

”Sarcastic or passive aggressive replies.”

Surely people are not this unkind in daily life.

Why do people feel they can speak to people so differently when they are not face to face? There is literally a whole load of people who lack empathy and common decency.

An OP is obviously upset/bothered enough to vent or ask for advice but the way some people reply is awful.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and to offer advice. People need to hear opinions vastly different to theres, it’s how we learn and grown as humans. Do people need to be so vile in their replies telling people to get over themselves, their failing, etc. There is given advice and there’s just belittling people, being rude and making an OP feel worse about themselves.

AIBU to expect MNs to be able give advice, even if it’s not what the OP wants to hear, without insulting the OP?

OP posts:
LilBus · 12/02/2024 00:07

Are you new here? It’s always been this way for as long as I’ve been here (years)

Original poster
IsMNReallySoAgressive · 12/02/2024 00:10

@LilBus No, but I think it’s getting worse! If you posted you used to get some really good advice. If you were being a twat with your question you got told. Nowadays it seems a lot more personal, aggressive and less understanding. It’s sad.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 12/02/2024 00:13

It is possible to challenge on the thread and report personal attacks.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/02/2024 00:14

Everyone has also been saying it's getting worse for years.

Think of it this way, you;re not in the pub with your mates asking a question, you're asking the whole pub, all at once. You have mad, sad, traumatised, silly, weird, scary people. None of whom know you or care about you. Of course a lot of the answers are weird.

Also MRAs like to hang out here and tell women off.

TeenLifeMum · 12/02/2024 00:16

I think it’s always here but sometimes it bubbles over to threads you wouldn’t expect. I was posting a light hearted post on a light hearted thread this evening and a poster decided to be really patronising and “correct” me on a technicality. They must have felt so smug and superior.

I’ve seen it happen to others but that was the first time for me in a long time. Not as bad as 2011 when I was posting about my newborn prem twins and how they were tube fed and had to be topped up with formula because I couldn’t express enough for 2 babies. A poster said “that’s such a shame you didn’t have more support and had to ruin their virgin gut!” I actually laughed because wtf?! I had lots of support but emergency C-section meant milk took time my tiny babies didn’t have so formula saved their lives. I did leave mn for a few years after that.

GrumpyOldCrone · 12/02/2024 00:18

Bear in mind that this is an anonymous public forum on which anyone can post almost anything. So it’s quite likely that there are 17 year-old boys here pretending to be middle aged mothers, for example. People are not necessarily what they seem.

I tend to assume that the most egregious posts are made by people who are not the target demographic of the site.

TheBeesKnee · 12/02/2024 00:20

Welcome to the internet, it's full of all sorts of people. Some nice and some not so nice. We can't really prevent the not so nice ones from going online or reproducing and using Mumsnet.

Underthesea65 · 12/02/2024 00:21

I definitely think it's getting worse, but I just call it keyboard warrior syndrome. Although, I have a thread going at the moment and the absolute love and kindness I'm being shown is second to none. It's really helping through a really dark period of my life

FiveShelties · 12/02/2024 00:22

Posters are constantly name changing so can say whatever they want and just go to a different ID.

Namexhanged · 12/02/2024 00:24

Means to take out the stress of your daily life onto someone anonymously with no consequence.

Someone spoke to them poorly at work, they wish they could have snapped back, but to prove to themselves that they have a back bone and a strong character, they'll go show some randoms who is the boss lady

flipflopfly · 12/02/2024 00:26

I think some see it as sport. There's a couple of posters who as soon as I see their names I know they are going to pile in on someone. Others tend to hang round certain topics looking at any opportunity to have a fight. It's obviously how they get their kicks. Nowt as queer as folk 🤷‍♀️

Raspberrymoon49 · 12/02/2024 00:30

Some very sad, bitter, unhappy and unhealthy people around who validate their insecure selves by cowardly cruelty on an anonymous website, says everything about their character and pleased I have no one like them in real life

ViciousCurrentBun · 12/02/2024 00:49

MN is positively delightful compared to some forums and very tame.

RoomOfRequirement · 12/02/2024 00:53

Some threads in AIBU are awful. I have no reason to want to kiss the arse of those posters. If this is where they hear their behaviour is unacceptable, that's fine with me.

eilaka · 12/02/2024 00:53

I report nasty comments as not in the spirit of the website. Usually the comments get deleted as a result. But I agree, people can be very rude and nasty from behind a keyboard. Probably they aren’t very nice irl either.

Fallenangelofthenorth · 12/02/2024 00:56

I agree with you that's it's got nastier. I think as it's got bigger and bigger it's attracted trolls and as @GrumpyOldCrone said, you don't know who anyone is. It's no longer just a site that attracts mothers, there's a load of men's rights activists, bored kids, TRAs, trolls from X redirected here, all masquerading as women and mothers. And that's on top of the actual women/mother's who are also nasty bastards.

Grimchmas · 12/02/2024 00:59

I definitely think there's been a decline in behaviour over here. Possibly reflects society? Everybody is just getting more and more burnt out and shorter fuses.

Treehugger22 · 12/02/2024 03:38

A lot are Dailymail zombies that's believe anything the news writes so turns their weak minds against others especially easy to do as they are unhappy in their personal lives

That's why ignore dear just don't turn into a creature yourself

Highlighta · 12/02/2024 05:02

There is a lot of oneupmanship.

Some poster always knows better, is wealthier, thinner etc etc

Then the next one comes along and tries to outdo the previous poster with nastiness too.

And then it carries on into a complete pile on of know it alls.

(and I scroll through thinking that probably the uber rich thin poster is living in a fantasy world and none of it is true anyway)

Col posts are awful.

I.e. Poster says something like we could only afford to have beans on toast tonight. Please tell me that it's OK for the dc. Poster comes along and says, it's OK, my DC had caviar on brown toast, although it's a terrible choice. I'd prefer it if he'd had
the sourdough I had flown in. I think you need to change jobs OP and earn more.

Next poster. Good grief, sourdough. Terrible terrible stuff. Caviar should only be served on a lettuce leaf. You should be ashamed of yourself for giving your DC all those carbs. You are setting them up to fail in life.

And so it goes on. Outdoing one another with being the most mean and glorifying themselves at the same time.

Most of them are made up imo.

ahoyhoyhoy · 12/02/2024 05:46

Yes I agree it can be a very spiteful place. I post very rarely and usually under different usernames as I’ve been ‘followed’ across threads before and know whatever I post, even if it’s about something mundane, some arsehole will be along to make a shitty comment.

Bestyearever2024 · 12/02/2024 05:51

I've received fabulous help and advice on MN. That's what I choose to concentrate on

If I see a post or a thread that appears to be spam or particularly off/unpleasant, I'll report it. That seems a good idea to me

Over the years, there have been so many threads bemoaning the awfulness of MN and its posters

I'm not sure if any of these bemoaning threads have made a difference to the way people post?

BCBird · 12/02/2024 05:59

It does surprise me how quickly comments turn nasty

Snuggleyou · 12/02/2024 06:11

Highlighta · 12/02/2024 05:02

There is a lot of oneupmanship.

Some poster always knows better, is wealthier, thinner etc etc

Then the next one comes along and tries to outdo the previous poster with nastiness too.

And then it carries on into a complete pile on of know it alls.

(and I scroll through thinking that probably the uber rich thin poster is living in a fantasy world and none of it is true anyway)

Col posts are awful.

I.e. Poster says something like we could only afford to have beans on toast tonight. Please tell me that it's OK for the dc. Poster comes along and says, it's OK, my DC had caviar on brown toast, although it's a terrible choice. I'd prefer it if he'd had
the sourdough I had flown in. I think you need to change jobs OP and earn more.

Next poster. Good grief, sourdough. Terrible terrible stuff. Caviar should only be served on a lettuce leaf. You should be ashamed of yourself for giving your DC all those carbs. You are setting them up to fail in life.

And so it goes on. Outdoing one another with being the most mean and glorifying themselves at the same time.

Most of them are made up imo.

Omg crying laughing reading this 😂

BobnLen · 12/02/2024 06:21

People post about things they have bought which they then realise they have made a big mistake, are we supposed to appease them and tell them how lovely it is.

ChiefEverythingOfficer · 12/02/2024 06:28

My personal favourite is the poster who deliberately misunderstands a crystal clear OP. Then heaps of follow on posters take the misrepresentation as gospel and pile onto the OP - it's almost like pack mentality sets in and no matter how hard the OP tries they can't get the thread back on track - often giving up and disappearing altogether.