Family Court Judges ignoring abuse

[BluntDeer]

I can't even begin to express the frustration and heartbreak I'm experiencing due to the unjust treatment I'm facing within the family court system. My child is 20 months old, and have been going through a custody battle for the last year. Father has multiple arrests on record, due to his behaviour around me and our child. Lives with a family member who is in active addiction, an alcoholic. His parents have stalked me, and helped him carry on his abuse on me.

It's truly devastating to see my precious child being sent to an environment that I know is not only unsafe but also filled with constant danger. Although a few months of contact centre were first ordered, the judge has now granted him 2 days a week.

The evidence I've presented clearly shows the prior abuse the father subjected me to while pregnant, and the unsafe conditions my child's father exposes them to. It's incredibly distressing to witness the court's disregard for my concerns, as if they're turning a blind eye to the well-being of my baby. My barrister has mentioned the father’s behaviour multiple times, which the judge completely ignored. The living conditions my child's father subjects them to, surrounded by drug addicts and alcoholics, is a constant source of worry and fear for me. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle, desperately trying to protect my child from harm. I feel like women, and domestic abuse survivors have absolutely no rights in this country. Even if they do manage to escape an abusive relationship, they still have to hand their child to an abuser multiple times a week, or be threatened with change of custody by the judge.

I've seen a lot of posts on here saying exactly the same thing. Social services will remove a child if the mother stays in an abusive relationship as (quite rightly) the child is in danger. But then the mother leaves, and family courts allow unsupervised access without the mother even being there to try and protect the child. It's very worrying.

Aren't the records all sealed in family courts too? So no chance of getting media attention. I do really feel for you and anyone else in this situation. Especially the poor children.

Yep, I'm with you OP. The reasoning is absolutely batshit. I don't understand it.

Sorry you're going through this.

Yes, all sealed, apparently to protect the child’s identity, but personally I think that it is To protect the judges, who throw out contact orders without giving the safety of the child a second thought. Funnily, after the father’s first and only arrest that happened in my home, due to me contacting police, social services were automatically called out, and that’s exactly what they said, leave him or we will take your child! Which of course I did.

Is it an option to contact social services again and flag the unsafe conditions your child will have 2 days a week from now on?

This is terribly sad. I hope he’s the type to lose interest and stop making arrangements.

Play the short game for long terms goals.

Good idea, although I think court orders trump social services recommendations as far as I am aware, basically being forced to comply. There is so much more to it, his family also have prior criminal charges

This is so heartbreaking. I have no advice but I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope he loses interest and your baby stays with you.

If you have a child with someone they have rights and the child has rights to see both parents, sure it is not suitable in some cases but the rights don't just disspear because you want them too

You had a child with this person, so now external people have to fix this decision for the childs sake

@BluntDeer if SS can show a danger to the child surely that will precede a court order/allows a reasonable excuse to breach a court order?

Can SS appeal against the court order?

This is ridiculous and frankly horrific to say to someone going through this.

A child has a right to be safe, loved and protected. A convicted abuser who is caught up in criminality, drugs and alcohol is not a good parent and cannot provide a safe environment. It doesn't matter what his "rights" are, you forfeit those rights when you become an unfit, unhinged abusive POS. Children deserve better than to be subjected to that just because the abuser got someone pregnant.

Exactly.

@WandaWonder did you miss the bit where social services told OP to remove herself and her children from violent ex? Care to comment on that part? Or in your world do rights of violent abusers trump those of their victims?

What the hell are you talking about, “external people have to fix this decision for the child’s sake”, are you out of your mind? OP’s child is being exposed to an unsafe environment and OP is doing everything she can to try to rectify this, there are some very stupid and damaging comments on this site, as PP said “ridiculous and frankly horrific”. Am so sorry you and your son going through this OP, I despair of a system that would subject a little child to this.

In an idea world both parents would be able to raise and support any child they decide to have but sadly we do not live in an idea world, generally the default when you have a child is 50/50 as this is in the best interest of this child, it is not a case of mum says dad is a terrible father so shouldn't have the child, if you have a child with someone it is not rocket science to know that have the rights

sure morally we can say 'but they did something wrong so I get to say what happens' it doesn't work that way and if someone doesn't think they will be a decent parent then don't sleep with them, get pregnant then need the courts and social workers to pick up the pieces

children deserve decent parents and it starts with the parents and their choices

I'm surprised social services are not involved.

You need Cafcas report and also ask for drugs test

Disgusting post.

Only the child has rights. The right to safety, security and an environment where they can thrive. The courts are supposed to centre all decisions around this. But often do not.

Parents have no rights over children. Children are not property. Parents have responsibilities not rights.

OP this is not right and your child is being exposed to an unacceptable amount of risk. Keep feeling this and then that will urge you to keep fighting. Don’t stop fighting for your child.

The first thing is do is keep social services in the loop and keep an objective accurate record. Objectively list your fears and concerns. Say why eg that you know because of x and y that the environment is not safe. Leave emotions out of it. Record times and dates. Record if you child is unsettled.

Id be tempted not to comply and to find a really good solicitor. I’ve heard very similar stories - with women in similar situations. Can you Google and find them? There must be groups or lobbies. I’m sure I heard one woman’s fight on the radio and it seems there is more pressure now.

I know a woman with a child with no speech who is too scared to leave her husband, as the risk with her not around from known abusive family members is too high. So she stays. She knows this is crazy and she is not happy. Her husband is not abusive but he denies that his relation is - and would allow this person unsupervised access - which if she left she could do nothing about. It’s madness.

Yet people say that the family court is biased in favour of women

I've had to actively cooperate with my abuser to safeguard my children because social services wouldn't help me basically got condemned for being with him we split I was condemned for that too they wanted me to go to family court claiming they would "support" me but they couldn't guarantee he wouldn't get access so I refused the fallout was awful but I have my children still

The “default” is not 50/50. This is not law, it’s a dangerous misconception. All that matters is the best interests of the child, and of course it’s not in a child’s best interest to spend half their time with an abusive criminal. This baby is just 20 months old. The world is fucking bonkers. Misogyny has always been a thing, but we didn’t used to take it out on children in this sickening way .

Agreed this 50/50 is based on absolutely zero evidence that it is better for the child and there is plenty of evidence that it is not better if the parents are not highly cooperative and low conflict, otherwise it’s worse.

Courts have gone way off the child centred legislation which is what they are supposed to centre everything on.

Some people have kids with men who turn out to be sex offenders/pedophiles and those men will sometimes still get unsupervised custody
Disgusting

You need to contact ss again with your concerns, , don’t send your child to unsafe places for safeguarding reasons, lost the reason, get evidence, for him/ your ex to push back and complain about not seeing your dc he will have to take you back to court, the court will ask ss for another report, the report must/will hopefully evidence your safeguarding concerns. Do it now.
Is ex likely to make a nuisance of himself, be abusive to you? Evidence, call the police. If you send your dc to a family/man where there are safeguarding concerns the ex will always say, you weren’t that concerned you handed the child over.
The judge makes a decision based on what evidence they have, they don’t and can’t know everything . You do, keep your baby with you.

Social services can't override a court order.

No it doesn't, and no they can't. A contact order is private law, social services can only issue public law applications and as with everywhere the judges word is literally law.

She's in private proceedings so cafcass or social services will already have been involved.

This is really not how it works. Social services can't overrule a court order and you cannot decide you know more than the court. That's the way to get yourself in serious trouble. If OP believes there was relevant information not shared with the judge she can make an appeal but otherwise she has to follow the court order.