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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family Court Judges ignoring abuse

83 replies

BluntDeer · 11/02/2024 22:39

I can't even begin to express the frustration and heartbreak I'm experiencing due to the unjust treatment I'm facing within the family court system. My child is 20 months old, and have been going through a custody battle for the last year. Father has multiple arrests on record, due to his behaviour around me and our child. Lives with a family member who is in active addiction, an alcoholic. His parents have stalked me, and helped him carry on his abuse on me.

It's truly devastating to see my precious child being sent to an environment that I know is not only unsafe but also filled with constant danger. Although a few months of contact centre were first ordered, the judge has now granted him 2 days a week.

The evidence I've presented clearly shows the prior abuse the father subjected me to while pregnant, and the unsafe conditions my child's father exposes them to. It's incredibly distressing to witness the court's disregard for my concerns, as if they're turning a blind eye to the well-being of my baby. My barrister has mentioned the father’s behaviour multiple times, which the judge completely ignored. The living conditions my child's father subjects them to, surrounded by drug addicts and alcoholics, is a constant source of worry and fear for me. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle, desperately trying to protect my child from harm. I feel like women, and domestic abuse survivors have absolutely no rights in this country. Even if they do manage to escape an abusive relationship, they still have to hand their child to an abuser multiple times a week, or be threatened with change of custody by the judge.

OP posts:
Emsy999 · 04/06/2024 21:26

AutumnCrow · 19/05/2024 02:22

Thank you for the link. I've just read it and it's utterly shocking but unfortunately not surprising.

I am going through something very similar at the moment. My ex has never been physical towards myself or the children, it's all mental - coercive control, emotional abuse, financial abuse. I have proof of EVERYTHING but the judge in our court case last week was not interested! "Does it have an effect on the children's welfare" was her question to me last week during the family dispute resolution hearing and my answer was yes, I believe it does. But both her and my ex's barrister were trying to get me to drop the allegations "for the sake of the children" as the fact finding hearing is a long, drawn out process and will have a negative effect on the children. I was utterly gobsmacked. I maintained that myself and the children can't go on living like this and he needs to be stopped. Thankfully my ex partner lied about something that I made the judge aware of and that's what made her go ahead and request a CAFCASS report. If he hadn't of lied or if I hadn't of made her aware of it I genuinely think that she would have just dismissed it all.

To make matters worse the judge hadn't even read my position statement which listed out all the abuse I'd suffered since I moved out last March and my wishes for our children. I sent it to her 3 days prior and told her this. She then looked in her inbox and confirmed that it was there but she'd missed it. I was utterly dismayed that she didn't send us out to the waiting room for 10 minutes while she read it but just carried on without even looking it at. All in all my experience last week in family court was SHOCKING!

I'm so so sorry you're going through this OP. I wish you all the luck in the world.

WindsurfingDreams · 04/06/2024 21:28

I am so sorry so many people are still experiencing this.

The system is utterly flawed

LorlieS · 04/06/2024 22:16

I suffered many years of gruelling coercive control. My ex-husband was granted 50/50 custody of our two young sons by the courts and then, following further manipulation, majority custody.
It was my "punishment" for leaving which the courts were so ignorantly blind to.

WindsurfingDreams · 04/06/2024 23:29

LorlieS · 04/06/2024 22:16

I suffered many years of gruelling coercive control. My ex-husband was granted 50/50 custody of our two young sons by the courts and then, following further manipulation, majority custody.
It was my "punishment" for leaving which the courts were so ignorantly blind to.

I feel for you. So many abusers just use the courts to further their abuse.

My ex kept pushing for 50/50. He got 40% in the end (despite lots of evidence of abuse including police records). Then he rarely bothers seeing the children (I think he just wanted to keep his child maintenance costs down)

ScrollingLeaves · 19/06/2024 17:32

WandaWonder · 11/02/2024 23:58

If you have a child with someone they have rights and the child has rights to see both parents, sure it is not suitable in some cases but the rights don't just disspear because you want them too

You had a child with this person, so now external people have to fix this decision for the childs sake

Of course it is not for the child’s sake to put the child with a person whom social services said she must leave or else they’d take away the child!

ScrollingLeaves · 19/06/2024 17:36

Shiningout · 12/02/2024 08:09

Children have rights, not the parents. :)

It is couched as the child has a right to live with their their abusive parent too.

ScrollingLeaves · 19/06/2024 17:40

BluntDeer · 12/02/2024 16:29

My solicitor said also said exactly that about the safety issues. It was blatenty ignored by the judge. What alarm did you have in mind? Sort of a rape alarm type of device? For the time being i press record on my phone and then place it in my pocket.

I am so sorry. This is appalling for you to go through.

Do you know if a recording made without the other person knowing is admissible as evidence though?

WeAreOne81 · 23/01/2025 19:30

I am so sorry you are going through this 😔. The justice system is a disgrace. I really hope your child is protected. Keep going 💪.

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