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AIBU?

PIL visiting AIBU help!

107 replies

NameChangeSunday · 11/02/2024 15:04

Name change for this one.

I always make sure I contact PIL to arrange visits and they contact me. They come and see us about once a month. They have 5 large dogs at their house so us visiting with a 10 month old is a no.

Anyway my AIBU… Their visit often last 4 hours. I don’t have a problem with the length of their visit it’s the fact they want to come here I’ve suggested play centres, cafes, parks in the past and they say they’d rather come to our house. I’ve suggested splitting it they say no.

My 10month old is very actively trying to crawl and climb on everything and 4 hours stuck in the house feels like torture! When he goes for his nap I feel like going too!

FTM, here, so I’m just trying to find out if this is normal and I should just smile. My parents are up for an hour or two visit then going out or just going out

Please help!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

284 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
52%
You are NOT being unreasonable
48%
Ponoka7 · 11/02/2024 15:06

Are they hands on at all?

DdyDaisyDaresYou · 11/02/2024 15:06

I think you just stop making it a suggestion,

"Right, at 2pm we're going out to the park because child needs to burn off energy"

Give them the option to wait behind for you if they like

Hoglet70 · 11/02/2024 15:06

Is it a long way for them to come to warrant the length of visit? Some people get tired driving.

olympicsrock · 11/02/2024 15:09

Play centres are hell . I hated going even when I had kids. They might see a cafe as a waste of money when family can do tea and cake at home.
I’d enjoy a walk in the park but are you expecting them to stand around in a playground getting cold while your baby plays? Miserable in February….

Rainbow1901 · 11/02/2024 15:09

YANBU. As a GP looking after youngest GS since he was 9 months old - anything that uses up energy has to be a good thing. That way he won't get bored, you get out for a bit and you both get fresh air.
On the 3 days we have GS we go swimming, dancing and to a playgroup - none of them are long activities in themselves but very necessary for our sanity!! If they come to visit and you plan a session of soft play then they can either go with you or stay home - they have a choice and you are still doing what you need for you and your child.

Gentlypattrt · 11/02/2024 15:14

Why not ask your partner to take care of your baby and go out by yourself for a couple hours before your in laws arrive to have time to relax? Or take the baby out to the park for some fresh air before they come.
It's only 4 hours once a month, consider the time they take out of their day to visit you guys. In the long run you will regret these decisions you're making.

Bloom15 · 11/02/2024 15:17

olympicsrock · 11/02/2024 15:09

Play centres are hell . I hated going even when I had kids. They might see a cafe as a waste of money when family can do tea and cake at home.
I’d enjoy a walk in the park but are you expecting them to stand around in a playground getting cold while your baby plays? Miserable in February….

Agreed.

I'd go to a cafe or pub for lunch or a walk in the park. But not a playground or soft play place.

I loved it when DS was a baby as we could stay in

BornIn78 · 11/02/2024 15:32

PIL’s just can’t win sometimes can they.

It’s 4 hours, once a month. And you want them to go and sit in a park for 2 hours in winter.

Give over.

LoinChop · 11/02/2024 15:42

Once a month for 4 hours? You really can't cope with a baby being in the house for 4 hours straight while they are there? I think YABU. Let them have a rest for 4 hours, keep the baby entertained, fed and probably getting a nap. Have cup of tea, chat, some lunch and by the time all that is done they'll be going home! It really wouldn't bother me at all.

NameChangeSunday · 11/02/2024 15:50

To answer some questions…

parents in law live 10 minutes away.

I don’t mind where we go, anywhere but LO seems to get fed up being in the house for so long.

PIL are mildly hands on, they like to hold and cuddle baby and have adult conversations with us but he’s well past this and wants to play. So we get his toys out and we (parents) play with him. PIL will occasionally join in. After a bit you can tell he is just getting bored.

If it’s normal to stay in then I’ll just put up and shut up. It’s just once a month. I wasn’t sure and I can only see LO getting more bored as he reaches toddler stage.

Thank you everyone

OP posts:
TomeTome · 11/02/2024 15:52

I think it’s really unusual to struggle to manage your child in your own home. Do you never stay in with him?

Boomer55 · 11/02/2024 15:53

BornIn78 · 11/02/2024 15:32

PIL’s just can’t win sometimes can they.

It’s 4 hours, once a month. And you want them to go and sit in a park for 2 hours in winter.

Give over.

This. Who wants to sit in a park, in February, after driving over? 🙄

NameChangeSunday · 11/02/2024 15:53

@TomeTome yes we do. I can see he gets bored though if he is stuck in the house all day.

OP posts:
saraclara · 11/02/2024 15:55

You never spend four hours in the house with him?

Okay, them living ten minutes away makes a bit of a difference, but it's only once a month, and maybe they just want to be able to sit down in the warm.

sugarplum33 · 11/02/2024 16:04

Don't make a rod for your own back creating a child that needs entertaining every waking hour and can't manage a few quiet hours in the house.

If you feel cooped up yourself then plan for a walk before or after the visit but 4 hours in the house isn't the whole day and I don't think it's reasonable to expect them to always go out and about because you don't like being in the house. Break the visit up a bit, sit and eat together with your baby picking at bits, encourage GPs to read some books or play, put baby down for a nap.

KreedKafer · 11/02/2024 16:14

Four hours is not a long time to be indoors with your child, especially only once a month. Four hours isn’t ‘all day’.

Gentlypattrt · 11/02/2024 16:19

How's a cafe less boring to a 10 month old than playing with his toys at home?

SKG231 · 11/02/2024 16:23

I don’t see this length of visit to your house as being unreasonable and a 10 month old shouldn’t have an issue being home for 4 hours.

your partner is there as it’s his parents visiting so you have two parents to tackle the baby.

do tea, coffee, biscuits to start your catch up

baby can play on the floor, have cuddles etc.

Half way through excuse yourself to the kitchen and leave your partner to do the entertaining and be on baby watch and get together a simple light lunch. quiche, salad, coleslaw, bread, olives etc.

if you want to make it clear they have to leave by a certain time say you have to be leaving by X o’clock to go and visit someone.

edited to add: if you REALLY feel like you have to get out of the house tell them you need to take the baby out in the pushchair to see if he’ll sleep and ask if they’d like to join. If it’s a no, your partner can catch up with them and you can excuse yourself for 45 mins.

pensione · 11/02/2024 16:29

Where is your husband in all this?

It’s your home, you decide how long you stay home.

Octonaut4Life · 11/02/2024 16:39

Lol it's very easy to identify the parents who had babies who were happy with down time at home from this thread... News flash, at 10 months old some children are incredibly hard to keep entertained and get super bored by everything in about 5 minutes and are much happier and easier to handle if they're out and about.

OP you're not unreasonable at all. Invite them for two hours, and say after that you're going out to XYZ and they're welcome to join if they would like.

saraclara · 11/02/2024 16:51

pensione · 11/02/2024 16:29

Where is your husband in all this?

It’s your home, you decide how long you stay home.

It's his home too. And his parents.

Let's imagine a situation where a woman's parents are visiting for a few hours and her husband starts dictating where they should go...

Nanny0gg · 11/02/2024 16:56

NameChangeSunday · 11/02/2024 15:50

To answer some questions…

parents in law live 10 minutes away.

I don’t mind where we go, anywhere but LO seems to get fed up being in the house for so long.

PIL are mildly hands on, they like to hold and cuddle baby and have adult conversations with us but he’s well past this and wants to play. So we get his toys out and we (parents) play with him. PIL will occasionally join in. After a bit you can tell he is just getting bored.

If it’s normal to stay in then I’ll just put up and shut up. It’s just once a month. I wasn’t sure and I can only see LO getting more bored as he reaches toddler stage.

Thank you everyone

Edited

Why can't a ten-month old not cope with being in the house?

I'm sure it wasn't always the case that babies (and to a degree, toddlers) needed taking out every day and entertained.

Mine certainly weren't

Do you have a garden @NameChangeSunday

pensione · 11/02/2024 17:02

saraclara · 11/02/2024 16:51

It's his home too. And his parents.

Let's imagine a situation where a woman's parents are visiting for a few hours and her husband starts dictating where they should go...

Then he needs to arrange the visit and stay with his parents and child, instead of OP facilitating it all.

Stop seeing it as a woman’s job.

saraclara · 11/02/2024 17:05

pensione · 11/02/2024 17:02

Then he needs to arrange the visit and stay with his parents and child, instead of OP facilitating it all.

Stop seeing it as a woman’s job.

They're is absolutely nothing in OP 's posts to say that her DH is asking her to facilitate anything. Why do you assume that he's leaving it to her? Just because he's a man?

TomeTome · 11/02/2024 17:06

NameChangeSunday · 11/02/2024 15:53

@TomeTome yes we do. I can see he gets bored though if he is stuck in the house all day.

What about popping out to the park before they come for a visit to get the wriggle out of him?

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