PIL visiting AIBU help!

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Name change for this one.

I always make sure I contact PIL to arrange visits and they contact me. They come and see us about once a month. They have 5 large dogs at their house so us visiting with a 10 month old is a no.

Anyway my AIBU… Their visit often last 4 hours. I don’t have a problem with the length of their visit it’s the fact they want to come here I’ve suggested play centres, cafes, parks in the past and they say they’d rather come to our house. I’ve suggested splitting it they say no.

My 10month old is very actively trying to crawl and climb on everything and 4 hours stuck in the house feels like torture! When he goes for his nap I feel like going too!

FTM, here, so I’m just trying to find out if this is normal and I should just smile. My parents are up for an hour or two visit then going out or just going out

Please help!

It's not about struggling is it? You rude cow. She wants to entertain her son, get him fresh air, exercise, developmental benefits that different environments bring.

Nothing I said was rude. The same can’t really be said of your post though can it? For most people I know staying home for the morning or afternoon is utterly unremarkable. Most visiting relatives expect a meal and a chat NOT a trip to a soft play or whatever, because that’s something you might do on a day when you don’t have visitors.

I’m another who finds the ‘how to deal with PIL thing grating’ - you don’t.

Your DH tells his parents that they can’t be in the house for four hours as it doesn’t suit DC.

And the ‘I’m home so I do all the wife work…’ - no.

So let him be bored? Why the need to provide constant source of entertainment?
Go for a nap with the baby if you want and tell them to help themselves to some tea. You're making an issue out of none. 4 hours once a month? Surely that's not such an ask.

Omg could have written this post.. actually nearly did the other day! My husband says as a child his parents took him here, there and everywhere but now as grandparents (not even old grandparents so it’s not like it’s mobility related) they just do not want to do anything apart from come and sit in our living room for hours on end. They never take the hint to leave either.

I’m on maternity leave and feel like the walls are coming in on me during the week so can’t wait for the weekend for my husband to be off so we can go places then we get the dreaded text that they want to come and visit. I really have started to dread it because I just can’t face sitting there any longer 🤦🏻‍♀️

The last visit we were just heading out a walk as they arrived (to force them to come) although we still end up with the lengthy visit when we come back anyway. We’ve also tried saying we’re really busy so they could meet us somewhere but they are so reluctant to. I’ve never been for a meal with them in the 10 years I’ve been with my husband! Reading the comments for ideas now 🙈

Your DH tells his parents that they can’t be in the house for four hours as it doesn’t suit DC.

But that would be ridiculous. The vast majority of toddlers not in nursery will spend four consecutive hours in their house on most days. Even the most active ones. It's not a reason to chuck the GPs out in the cold.

As has been said many times, he can be taken out before and after the visit. He's not confined to the house for a whole day, despite some posters pretending that he will be.

Going out meeting up feels very formal. It feels like an appointment.
Can they not just come over and relax with their grandchild in your home?
They are part of the family after all.

I wouldn’t bother reading the comments. 😂

In a nut shell I’m a struggling mum
who can’t entertain her child. My husband needs to do more to support me. I should leave my child to be bored.

MN at its finest 😂

Relax 😂😂😂😂

I have a 10 month old. What’s relaxing about that?

@Workone , then when they call to say they want to come round, why don't you tell them that, sorry, you're going to be out? When I ask my DDs if they're around for a visit, they just tell me if they have plans or it's not a good time.

And if they don't leave, why not go to them so you can leave when you like?

Thanks! I think some people just struggle to understand no two babies are the same.

this

Pretty much everyone on this forum will have had a ten month old at some point. Maybe several. And we've managed to have GPs/be the GPs who can have a pleasurable and yes, relaxing family time with their kids and toddler DGCs.

You're talking as if you're the only person who knows what it's like to have a busy 10 month old and that's it's absolutely impossible to have four hour visit inside the house.

Can’t they come over for lunch or something have a nice meal that uses up some of the time? Then you can arrange to meet a friend and leave them to it? Dont really get the burning desire to be out in February weathers shit.

@saraclara not impossible at all just harder and that’s why I wanted to know if it’s usual.

An hour or two, yes relaxing. Four hours stuck indoors with a 10 month old us far from relaxing.

10 mins drive ,they stay 4 hours. Not bad and only once a month? Bit of a non event I think . By the time tea and sarnies for everyone, and a chat must fly by .suck it up I think

Ahh just caught up now 😂 For some reason anything in-law or grandparent related on here seems to touch a nerve with some very angry people.

We have tried repeatedly saying we are just heading to such and such a place 2 hours later or have X coming round etc but it doesn’t work. I actually did arrange friends to come 2 and a half hours after them one day and told them in advance. Did the whole looking out the window thing for their car coming like ‘oh thought that was maybe them’ hint hint, LEAVE. They just sat there. I ended up with my friends in the living room with nowhere to sit just kind of all awkwardly looking at them (they all know about their lengthy visits so knew exactly what had happened) 😂

I say to my husband it’s like they make very little effort with our kids but come to ‘tick their box’ of yip, seen them ✅ So they can live guilt free for another month or two before coming and taking up our day again. I’d happily do stuff with them if they wanted to go days out etc but they aren’t interested one bit. My family literally never come for a visit as it’s so informal with them always helping us out or going for lunch/soft plays or wherever!

I think all you can really do is either limit it with pretend places you’re going 2 hours in every time or just don’t give the option when they ask, just reply saying ‘we are going to X, if you fancy it’. I still do slightly grudge this one though because I feel like they then double tick their box as if they’ve taken them on some big day out when it’s me who’s actually forced them out my living room 🙄

As a GP I think 4 hours is a long time if they are not helping to entertain your child. I also think some people forget not all children are the same. We used to take both our DGDs out once a day for a few hours to a park or soft play as toddlers as they got bored easily and bored children are not a pleasure to be around. Also if you work all week spending half of one of your precious weekend days entertaining PIL and DC sounds hard work.

I think you maybe should set some boundaries on visit limits or make an excuse like you are going out or need some downtime at home. Take DC out in the pushchair and leave your Dh to entertain PIL. Alternatively let your PIL entertain DC and you go out to the shops for an hour.

Instead of looking for places to go out to, have a look at what you can create in your home to satisfy your baby.

At his age he really can be entertained all day long in a house- I had a dc this age in lockdown and you just create play.

Rotate the toys, do different messy play, make sensory play.
If you don't have the imagination for this, look on Facebook there are loads of cheap ideas.

I wonder if you feel the need to get out of the house (which is ok to feel) but you're projecting this onto your baby.

I would be so bored if it’s a nice chunk of fun daytime stuck at home making polite chit chat while working to entertain your child. Just tell them in 10 mins we’ll go out to x, assume they are coming too and head out. Some people do just like to be inside but if that doesn’t work for you break the pattern before you are stuck forever!

Maybe it’s really the OP that gets bored by the PIL visits. Probably her parents put too much effort into entertaining her as a baby, hence she can’t cope with boredom as an adult. Let that be a lesson for us all.

Go with him for his nap! That's what I do with my 10mo. I really appreciate the time out as I'm an introvert. You could say, "He's a bit tricky to settle atm so I might stay in with him." Or as PP suggest tell them you're going to the park/café etc and they're welcome to join if they like.

Four hours really isn’t that hard to be in the house. There’s at least another 6 hours in the day you can go out and about. Lunch can take up 60-90 minutes of that four hours. Bit of playing around that lunch it’s not hard.

I would find it so much easier to stay home than I would go to a soft play with a 10 month old. It’s only four hours. Go out in the morning. I tried to avoid soft plays at all costs. A trip to the park might be nice when the weather is nicer but I can understand why they don’t want to do that. My in-laws stay for about 4 hours when they visit but they live about 80 miles away. Why are they doing such marathon visits if they’re only 10 mins away?

Why don’t you see them more frequently but for a shorter amount of time. Can’t you say ‘pop round on Saturday morning about 10ish have a quick cuppa, I’ll do bacon sandwiches, have a cuddle with baby and then we’re heading off to soft play at midday.’ Keep the visits shorter if your baby gets so bored.