Husband vaping…previous denial, but I’ve just caught him

[NirvanaUnplugged]

I’ve had my suspicions for a long while (at least 1 1/2 years) that my husband has been secretly vaping; mysterious smoky hazes in the bathroom, the sweet artificial fruit scents…I’ve asked him outright if he was vaping, and he denied it vehemently. I said I’d be really upset if it turned out he’d been lying. Our children have both noticed the smoky haze too.

Our 9 year old DS is staying out tonight, so DH is sleeping in his room as sometimes we both get a better night’s sleep if we’re separate. He went to bed, but then came into my about 30 mins later (I was still up reading). He kissed me & I could smell the fruity vape smell. Asked him outright if he’d been vaping. He said no. I went into DS’s bedroom and it was smoky, and stank of fruit. I asked again and he denied it. I begged him to tell me the truth and he just stared me at me for ages & then he admitted it.

I feel so sad that he’s been making me feel like I’m going mad when I’ve asked him before, and I hate the fact he’s lied to me. I just feel numb.

AIBU to feel really shit about this?? Also, doing it in our son’s bedroom feels really grubby.

Bar the smell of fruit (not really a bad smell), it’s just water vapour. I’d say you’re unreasonable for putting him a situation where he feels he has to lie to you. I mean lying sucks, obviously, but he’s a grown ass man and you’re giving him grief for vaping? That’s weird.

She's not giving him grief for vaping.

She's upset because he lied and gaslighted her.

Is it really that hard to understand? Or do you purposefully ignore the OP so that you can have a go at her?

I swear sometimes I think you should have to pass a reading comprehension test to be allowed to comment on MN.

@whatsitcalledwhen yes, he knows he’s a horrible drunk and he’s cut right back.

@itsannie86 he says he lied because he was embarrassed and he, himself, thinks it’s a horrible habit.

@taylorswift1989 it’s beyond frustrating 🤦‍♀️