To find this passive-aggressive?

[RogueFemale]

Background: all the houses in my neighbourhood put out food waste caddies on a Wednesday for waste collection Thursday mornings. They're the size of a bucket. I am guilty of not always taking mine back inside on Thursdays, especially if I don't go out, & sometimes I don't until the weekend. My only sin - I am otherwise a model of neighbourly virtue :)

There are a handful of other lazy neighbours like me.

Anyway, this Thursday afternoon I received an anonymous note (typed):

Dear Neighbours
We understand it is so much easier to leave your food caddy out all week...
Unfortunately there are issues with this:
They occupy space on our narrow pavement, making it difficult to walk and they are an eyesore too.
But the most concerning issue is that they are a health hazard, they attract rats.
Thank you for being a responsible neighbour, we like our street to look nice and we sure don't want rats around.
All best, Your neighbours

More context: The pavements are also bristling with bicycles chained to the fronts of houses (no front gardens), far bulkier than a bucket, but not "difficult" to walk past (N.B. even without anything on the pavement it's too narrow for a wheelchair because of protuding front steps). The caddies left out are empty, therefore not a rat magnet, - never seen a rat out front.

Yes, I accept that I'm not being the perfect neighbour, but I don't leave it out "all week" and the reasons given are invalid except for the eyesore thing. And I think anonymous passive-aggressive notes are an unpleasant way to try to address it, if a handful of food caddies bother you that much.

There's a very active neighbourhood email group, and this neighbour could have posted a generalised email saying 'please could everyone take in their caddies on Thursdays', explaining why they felt so strongly - and then no doubt all would pitch in agreeing how annoying it was when people didn't. That would've been fine, if they'd revealed their identity, I just find it creepy to send anonymous, passive-aggressive, sarcastic ("so much easier to leave your food caddy out") notes. I know another neighbour who got the same note.

It’s not about you 🙄

The bins cause an obstruction and attract rats.

Perfectly logical.

Your fantasy isn't.

Anonymous notes are poor form because they breed mistrust and suspicion. If you’re going to criticise someone, you should have the decency to say it openly. It’s really crap to make someone question their interactions and relationships with every neighbour just because you have a trivial issue that could be resolved amicably and politely by other means.

Neither of those is necessarily true though. And if they aren’t true, they aren’t logical. And, even if they were both true and thus logical, in the OP’s situation, they are still not necessarily valid.

Bring it in . Takes a couple of minutes and will prevent it blowing into the road .

No I haven’t. I had a noisy neighbour once who kept playing the drums. I knocked on his door and asked him to stop. I do have a fear of neighbour conflict though so I’d definitely be a coward in that respect. 😁

That was in reply to "Call the council and complain about the bikes and plant pots."

Yes! Exactly.

Where I live, we have a very active Facebook page where these kinds of grievances would be aired through thinly veiled posts bemoaning the lack of consideration for the community.

Personally, I dislike passive aggressive notes like this as, for me, if you feel sufficiently aggrieved to address what you consider to be poor / unneighbourly behaviour, at least have the decency/balls to address it face to face (unless you’re expecting a violent response!) and just speak to people like reasonable adults.

Most reasonable people would acknowledge the issue, apologise if it had been causing a problem and then rectify it for the future.

OP - I think you know you need to just bring the bin in more promptly from now on, but I wouldn’t give any more energy worrying about the individual who didn’t have the integrity to just knock on your door and have a conversation.

Thank you @FourLeggedBuckers

Whoever wrote that note is a twat who needs to get a life. You leave a tiny bin out for a couple of days? It’s hardly crime of the century. I’d buy a cuddly toy rat, stick it to the top of the caddy with a sign saying “this is my home” and leave it out there all week.

😂Brilliant! Please do this OP!

I would absolutely hate people's filthy bins littering my street, especially as the lids are never closed after the bin men have emptied them. The gross dribbling mouldy food juices going all over the street, my shoes get covered in it when I walk to my door. Utterly selfish, gross and under class to leave your skanky bin out for days. Especially as it sounds like your front door is literally the only obstacle between you and the bin (no garden etc).

Everybody sucks here, both the passive aggressive note (which is actually serving its purpose, to be honest) and lazy caddy owner.

Op you're hardly trekking to the North Gatehouse to bring your bin in. Just reach out of the front door and pick it up - it must be no more than 300cm from your door.

A) It is creepy
B) It’s very passive aggressive
C) It’s pathetic and cowardly to do this.

Also, the thing about attracting rats is ridiculous. Presumably if OP took her bin in she’d just leave it by the side of her house. So if it was to attract rats (unlikely as it’s empty) those rats do have legs and can move to other areas of the neighbourhood. In fact, if all bins were together in the middle of the street it would be easier to contain the rats and exterminate them.

Just take your bucket back in and be a good neighbour.

It will take you less than a minute out of the 10080 in the week.

I think sending an anonymous note that says you're behaving wrong, please stop it, is always going to be under the banner of passive aggressive things to do. Even when the wording is very well phrased and polite.

I'd be irked to receive one too, even when i knew i was being unreasonable. I gently put it to the OP that it wasn't really worth a post on mumsnet about it, and it's definitely not worth getting het up about the replies from people who don't bother reading OP's posts.

You're making the road look untidy and your neighbours are pissed off with it. Just bring your caddy in.

Personally I'd tape the note in my front window for everyone to read and add something like "to the nosy neighbour who left this anonymous note, fuck off"
But I'm PA as they come.
My ex nightmare NDN had to write me a letter of apology (he was told by the police to apologise) I stuck that letter in my front window for all the neighbours to read as he'd been knocking on my neighbours doors telling them I was a prostitute who had perverts in and out of my house all night (I actually work in the Rail industry).
I've since moved and have good neighbours, we take each other's bins in, a bit harder for you as you have no front garden

The message should have gone out on the general WhatsApp group and not hand-written anonymously - I can't abide the cloak of anonymity in cases like this. If the OP had ignored the general message (not me, guv, go out in the rain once a week? Nah), then it could have been followed up by a personal note with a name at the bottom. Anyway, OP is going to conform so all sorted.

The note is fine. You're focusing on whether the specific way they expressed themselves is passive-aggressive to avoid facing up to the fact you're in the wrong.

In an ideal world, yes. But no doubt there would then have been an lot of defensive responses or silly suggestions like the ones we've seen on here. I really don't blame neighbours for trying to keep anonymous nowadays. For every one neighbour who'll apologise or feel embarrassed by their behaviour there'll be at least two more who'll become rude and defensive or start sneering about nosy neighbours who have nothing better to do.

Yes, the note would annoy me a bit, but they have a point, and some people really don’t take kindly to being asked to do things nicely, so you can’t win really.
Although, considering you say there are no front gardens, it’s barely leaving the house to bring it in, and it does make the place look scruffy with bins lying around everywhere. Living somewhere that has a huge problem with rats, I would also say they would be attracted to anything that smells like food, which food bins do regardless of whether liners are used. I would do anything to deter them!