How the hell everyone is supposed to cope?

[Oink38]

Having a bad day of mass anxiety.

so, hubby and I earn ok wages. Not huge but we both work for charities so probably earn between 50k between us

childcare is killing us- nearly 1k a month for 3 days a week. We have no family or friends support. Now that the new funding has come in people who aren’t entitled due to being 3 shortly and not getting that funding until September will have to no doubt have their nursery fees raised again.

no pay rises in sight. Meant to be putting into work pension and also saving but honestly where the hell are we supposed to find the money

desperate to move but can’t cos nursery fees are too high.

fed up with this government. Not entitled to any benefits barely surviving month to month. Haven’t had a holiday in 9 years. Drive old car. No fun days out. Barely have anything left to do anything with. Utterly fed up of working for basically shit.

no can’t get other jobs I am specialised in what I do and hubby earns well for the field he is in.

and no we don’t buy take away coffees or avocados

just a massive rant really. Suppose aibu in thinking how the hell people are supposed to survive when everything is going up and no positivity anywhere

Could you either condense your hours to only need 2 days at nursery (maybe with some hours in the evening after bedtime).

Or, come September, spread them out to match the funded hours?

This is going to sound harsh bit having jobs you love is a luxury. If you want that they you have to acknowledge that you will struggle.

Can you find online work you and/or your DH can do in the evening? Could you be a virtual PA or office manager they can have flex in hours do long as they work is done.

Sorry… as a disclaimer I come originally from a developing country with not great social safety net, so my life experience and choices are obviously shaped by this

but working in a charity/working 25-35 hours a week is a luxury few can afford (mostly with family money or well off spouse). So if you don’t want to change job/career and neither does your husband, then it is what it is 🤷‍♀️

high PAYE earners (bankers /lawyers etc) in this country work really long hours

Is it possible for you to work 5 days but shorter days? You might be able to get him in a preschool that does school hours. They are generally much cheaper, ours takes from age 2.

Yes, essential workers do need to be able to survive. It’s simply not possible for everyone to be earning high wages.

One system that we have in the country where I live is that the employer must top up pensions at the rate of 11% of gross wage and this is a separate and compulsory part of the salary package. Even if you are a casual worker or only work a few hours a week you get paid into your pension. And then you can salary sacrifice top ups into your pension as well. I have been able to build it up this way despite being on quite average wages…

Condensed hours is always thrown out as an option but:

• my employer would not allow it, overtime is just expected if necessary
• after a normal 8 hour working day, commutes, looking after a toddler etc your exhausted. Often nursery hours don’t cover the full work day as it is meaning some evening work is needed just to meet normal expectations. Trying to do another 4 hours of work in the evening on top of that, every work day is would leave you destroyed and with very little sleep (before factoring in a child waking during the night).

It never ceases to amaze me how couples start a family without a clue what it will cost and no savings behind them.

Where has the OP said this?!! Just about everything has gone up considerably in cost in the last few years. I know several families who were doing ok but are now struggling with increasing rents/mortgages/energy bills. Three of my friends had to move last year due to their rent going up hundreds of pounds. Even working full time, hundreds of pounds is a considerable chunk of a low income.

YABU for ‘no comment’ at the universal credit dig but mostly unreasonable for continuously referring to your husband as ‘hubby.’ I don’t care if it’s irrelevant it has to stop!! Hubby!! Argh!! 🤢

@Blackkittypoo

The OP did NOT come on here to ask about budgeting - they just wanted a good moan as the majority of people are feeling / have felt this way.

Should people on normal incomes not have children? Just the rich?

@Illbebythesea

I'm a 'hubby' sayer too 🤣🤣🤣

Here we go again...

Well yes, but it seems that so many any thoughts other than.. 'Oh yes... am sooo happy not to be entitled to any support, I think it's amazing and wonderful my tax is going up to fund other peoples lifestyle choices' is met with horror!

@bibblebobbles Should people on normal incomes not have children? Just the rich?

What's a "normal" income?

The cost of a child might surprise many.

https://www.ybs.co.uk/guides/life-moments/how-much-does-it-cost-to-raise-a-child#:~:text=Cost%20of%20raising%20a%20child%20in%20the%20UK&text=Raising%20a%20family%20isn't,around%20%C2%A3938%20per%20month.

I am all in favour of people thinking carefully about having DC, but she only has one! Not three. I think childcare, rents and food prices have rocketed in the last few years. A bit of a moan and wallow is ok.

Does the free childcare not start soon for everyone?

You say that you've not had a holiday for 9 years OP. Have you been struggling financially for all that time, even prior to having a toddler? If so, just curious as to why? It's important to get a break, even if a holiday does consist of camping somewhere not too far away or visiting family or friends.

We're not!

It's in a lot of workplaces' terms of employment that WFH is not to be carried out whilst caring for children and that childcare should be obtained for WFH days the same as for office days.

Hi all

thanks so much to the people who have helped me realise I can get some extra childcare costs. It’s really helpful and I’m going to look at this Monday.

I did start this post just to rant and I was prepared for negativity but to be told I shouldn’t have had a child is upsetting.

in response to holidays a mixture of Covid, parents passing away and sorting that out and various other things has meant no holiday. Maybe I do need a break.

so lessons I’ve taken away

there are some bloody lovely people on here who are in the same position as we are or worse so it’s nice in a way to know we are not alone

there are also some people who think the poorer of society should not have children and should not do jobs that don’t pay a fortune. I wonder what would happen if people stopped having children and everyone got jobs paying 100k plus!

thanks again to the nice people

to the people who think the poorer shouldn’t have children enjoy your rose coloured view on the world

£150,000 to raise one child to 18? That's more than my house, car, musical instruments, and everything else I own put together! No wonder the birth rate is falling!

No one can look into a crystal ball and predict a cost of living crisis. Come on now 🙄

You aren't allowed your child to be at home whilst WFH. Not fair on the kid either.

Mine is June 2021 and I just received my code for the 15 hours from April so yours defo qualifies too. So weird that you've been told you don't.

Another comment to say, with a May 2021 birth date, your child will definitely qualify for 15 hours funding from April. You apply through your tax free childcare account. Do this now. Check what your current nursery will be offering: you'll still be able to use tax free childcare to pay your monthly invoices. Hope this helps

childcare is killing us- nearly 1k a month for 3 days a week.

I hear you OP. These are dark financial times.

I'm the other end of the spectrum and paying nearly £2,000 a week for care and assistance for an elderly unwell parent. It's outstrips their pension by a long way, savings are being eaten into, unsurprisingly and just seeing money disappearing like the speed of that countdown bar on Pointless is frightening and horrific.

Every day I fear the day when there is no more money. The horrible side of this is that if they go into a care home because they have money that will be taken from them, whilst the social services will be charged half the price for the same service for those publicly funded. The people who have money and life savings end up fundning the people who dont have any.