How the hell everyone is supposed to cope?

[Oink38]

Having a bad day of mass anxiety.

so, hubby and I earn ok wages. Not huge but we both work for charities so probably earn between 50k between us

childcare is killing us- nearly 1k a month for 3 days a week. We have no family or friends support. Now that the new funding has come in people who aren’t entitled due to being 3 shortly and not getting that funding until September will have to no doubt have their nursery fees raised again.

no pay rises in sight. Meant to be putting into work pension and also saving but honestly where the hell are we supposed to find the money

desperate to move but can’t cos nursery fees are too high.

fed up with this government. Not entitled to any benefits barely surviving month to month. Haven’t had a holiday in 9 years. Drive old car. No fun days out. Barely have anything left to do anything with. Utterly fed up of working for basically shit.

no can’t get other jobs I am specialised in what I do and hubby earns well for the field he is in.

and no we don’t buy take away coffees or avocados

just a massive rant really. Suppose aibu in thinking how the hell people are supposed to survive when everything is going up and no positivity anywhere

@Dartmoorcheffy unless OP’s job is to watch CBeebies and play with toys all day, I think it’s petty hard to work and look after a nursery age child.

For perspective, 2 adults working 40 hour weeks on minimum wage from April will be on just short of £48k combined.

Getting by today as a family in the south east on £50k total is always going to be a struggle. Upping hours or changing jobs/industries is probably the only realistic way to change that.

Sorry to jump on this but - 4 years ago I had my first child, earned nearly 24k a year. Done the calculators, even got a local benefit advice service to check. Apparently entitled to nothing. Went 6 months before applying for universal credit online, turned out I could get £150ish universal credit and 85% if child care paid. If you haven't already, apply directly. Turned out the calculators etc are just estimates. Being on the border line even the 85% child care costs would help.

Yep. And then you read the recent pensions thread where people ask why our generation can't just pay more into our pensions. Oh yes, I forgot I had that 15% of my income I didn't need, silly me! I'll keep that to use in 35 years time!

Typically you need longer days in nursery than working to cover your commute and lunch break.

some of these posts - oh maybe you shouldn't have had a kid? Why can't you look after a toddler while WFH? - are unbelievable.

it's easy enough to see why you're struggling, you both earn less than average (which is £34.5k full time, and £36k where you live) , work part time in a sector that is poorly paid, and you live in a more expensive area than average, and you have a young child which is going to cost more than not having kids.
So people suggesting if you changed one of those things you could have more money are technically "right".

But what does that say about us as a country? If you work important jobs that are actually useful to society, you don't deserve a basic standard of living? That only the rich should have kids? That nobody earning under £50k should live in an expensive area? How would that work, if all the nurses and carers and mechanics and shop assistants and cleaners and bin collectors and police officers and teachers moved out of the south east?

I left my previous career in the heritage sector for a less enjoyable/interesting and more stressful job because I just couldn't afford to buy a house on my wage, and decided that was more of a priority for me than enjoying my career, but is that fair? I trained for years to get that job and was good at it, expecting to be able to afford a very modest home 7 years into a professional role that required two degrees is hardly entitled! The heritage sector is incredibly middle class because those are the only people who can afford to work in it! Same as the way privately educated actors are so over represented.

I would suggest still thinking about either you or DH moving jobs as you will have a lot of transferrable skills - it doesn't have to be forever, these are going to be the hardest years for childcare expenses and if you are that well qualified you will always be able to get back into the charity sector after a few years. But it is shit to have to be in that position!

I never understood why people have to pay for nursery schools in the UK. I had always thought that UK is a wealthy western country. Growing up we were looking up to western Europe from behind the Iron courtain and most people in my home country still think everythink is better in the West.

Yet we have maternity leave that lasts for 3 years /paid by the social security government fund, its little but it exists/, we have medical care available to everyone for "free", often available on the same day /everyone pays medical insurance that goes out straight out of their wages, children, students, pensioners and job seekers get it paid by the government/, every school has a canteen with cooked lunch /paid for by the parents but subsideed I think/ and and a gym and lockers.

I just dont get it.

OP I don't think this is right. My daughter turns 3 in April so originally we wouldn't have been entitled to any free hours for her until September but with the new scheme we are entitled to 15 hours from April and then it will go to 30 in September. We have received our code already to give to the nursery for the 15 hours. We both work FT with a combined income higher than yours so you are definitely entitled to 15 hours from April.

Same here op. Second child just 1 so not entitled to any funded hours yet. Luckily eldest is in school. Been told nursery costs are going up around 10% in April and have no idea how to fund the increase alongside an increase in everything else. When we planned our second child we did not envisage the cost increased we have seen in the past 12 months. We work hard and it all feels so pointless

The 'problem' is that you only work part time.
25 hours a week isn't enough to cover all your costs.

It's not clear if your H earns the £50K or that's your joint income.
If it's joint, it's not a lot given the median salary is around £35K.

I honestly do not believe that you can't a) earn more and b) work more hours.

I'd suggest you look into careers advice because it's not possible that after 20 years working and in a snr role, you can't move to something else.

You seem to be closing doors which could well be open.

Charities work like other businesses. They employ PRs, support workers, public-facing staff.

I think you will have plenty of transferable skills but because you've been there for 20 years (only ever job?) you can't see the wood for the trees.

How is this possible?! I paid £10ph for nursery, so £100pd. I still pay £10ph but now I only need 8-9 and 3-6, so £40pd.

Unhelpful. We shouldn't be living in a society where two hard working people should be prevented from having a child because of the cost of living. They have one child... who knows, they may long for more but sadly cannot as it would break them.

Have you looked at your role in another charity.
I work in the sector and earn over 50k. But my job can be 30k in some charities . Some charities are still paying the same as 15 years ago.

Are you sure you’re not going to be eligible for this 15 hours free childcare from April instead of Sept? I have a nearly 3 year old and I’ve been told I’m going to get a code as soon as I reconfirm.

@Dartmoorcheffyunless OP’s job is to watch CBeebies and play with toys all day, I think it’s petty hard to work and look after a nursery age child.

Fucking hell, shades of lockdown here, enough to drive me to panic mode.

I agree, it's neither safe of viable! I have no idea why people think it's acceptable to have children and WFH. Something always suffers. At best, your work, at worst, your child. My company took great pride in not furloughing anyone so we all worked through and juggled...my nursery aged child locked herself in the bathroom because she was not properly supervised!

It’s tough but it’s a short period paying nursery fee’s and soon you’ll have some funding. My nursery ‘crew’ are all 18 now, and the parents are just getting themselves sorted with better housing in the last few years. Largely as they had 2-3 children to put through full time nursery and most of those kids are approaching 16 now the youngest. We are in South East / London and house prices are tough. I’m a single parent and still renting due to cost of housing here but am trying to buy a flat, or wait 2yrs and go back north where I grew up.

Your salaries are low but I guess it depends where you live, I earn more than your combined salary but struggle hugely with cost of housing / living here. Then you get to this age kids and you’re supporting through Uni! So enjoy those years inbetween and get saving as student loans are means tested on parents salary (lot of parents aren’t aware so haven’t saved etc).

Also…. I used to work in the charity sector, I loved it but I moved to Higher Education where the pay is higher, more A/L etc. I still enjoy it and feel I’m doing something worthwhile but much better salary. Hope things improve soon.

Not read all the thread but just checking you are getting the tax relief on your childcare which saves you 20% everyone is entitled to that. Have you looked at childminder? what your paying is ridiculous . Where I live nursery is £38 a day and childminder £30

thats the thing with mumsnet its a mix of views and not just oh yes etc

I get you just wanted a rant but I think everyone copes by making sacrifices. I am pregnant with my first and know that both myself and DH cannot both work our current roles around childcare. Something has to give. We would love to be able to both work part time but it isn't an option. We wanted a child and we knew this was coming.

I honestly can't stand posts like "oh you both earn JUST 50k"- you probably don't understand that this country needs jobs like cleaners, drivers, factory workers, etc. They earn even less.
Any job on full time should give us ability to pay bloody nursery fees for our kids.
We are one of the "richest" countries in the world and people who both working struggling with nursery fees. Insane.

You have made lifestyle choices though.
tbh £50K joint salary is not a lot and you are working in a job two-thirds of a full time worker.

The truth is you’ll need to work more hours to feel better financially.

I'm in London. I paid £65/day (8am - 5pm) in 2020. The same nursery now charging around £80/day and my second child is number 63 on waiting list.
And it's not posh, it's east London, super "tired" building and equipment.

No it isn't.

It never ceases to amaze me how couples start a family without a clue what it will cost and no savings behind them.
Then they moan about their situation.
Then they come on forums asking for help with budgeting. It's ridiculous.

Would couples buy a new kitchen or any major purchase without factoring in the repayments?

How people vote sorry for typo