How the hell everyone is supposed to cope?

[Oink38]

Having a bad day of mass anxiety.

so, hubby and I earn ok wages. Not huge but we both work for charities so probably earn between 50k between us

childcare is killing us- nearly 1k a month for 3 days a week. We have no family or friends support. Now that the new funding has come in people who aren’t entitled due to being 3 shortly and not getting that funding until September will have to no doubt have their nursery fees raised again.

no pay rises in sight. Meant to be putting into work pension and also saving but honestly where the hell are we supposed to find the money

desperate to move but can’t cos nursery fees are too high.

fed up with this government. Not entitled to any benefits barely surviving month to month. Haven’t had a holiday in 9 years. Drive old car. No fun days out. Barely have anything left to do anything with. Utterly fed up of working for basically shit.

no can’t get other jobs I am specialised in what I do and hubby earns well for the field he is in.

and no we don’t buy take away coffees or avocados

just a massive rant really. Suppose aibu in thinking how the hell people are supposed to survive when everything is going up and no positivity anywhere

In all honesty i think the government and those at the top just try to see how much they can push and squeeze the most out of the general population, unfortunately we do allow the government and those at the top to get away with so much whilst we all admire them for being such a ‘success’. This is why the country and society is in such a state! My mind boggles when people get so resistant towards investing in social infrastructure 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe I’m missing something but I’m never getting it!

I worked part-time when my DS was a baby and 70% of my wages went to his part-time nursery. DH was full-time, his salary covered rent and bills. It was a career job so made sense to stick to it for experience but it was only available as a part-time position. Eventually I took a second job on weekends working in a children's clothing shop. It meant extra family money and staff discount for the DS's clothes. No benefits help for us (we were on a work visa with no recourse for public funds).

My point is, whenever we needed more income we either made more money or cut back. Usually a combination of both to some extent.

You need to up your income OP even if your work-family balance suffers for a while. That should be your first thought really.

I sympathise OP. I was looking forward to the free hours from April and the nursery have just put their hourly rate up substantially. We’ll end up paying more in spite of the free hours.

It’s like you can’t get a break.

Forgot to add: the free hours childcare allowance back then was 15 hours a week from 3 y.o. (far less than what is offered now). So negligible especially as there was the same problem of the governmental funding not being enough and the nursery charged a top-up. Plus, not all childcare establishments utilised this scheme as it was not profitable for them.

It really isn't @wildernesssw

Not sure where you're getting that from.

The median salary for ONE person is around £32k- £35K.

If £32K was household income (assuming 2 adults were working) that would be £16K each so your figure is wrong.

Look up median wage for an adult.

Sadly, and this isn't a criticism, the OP and her H are low earners.

She's not said how much they each earn, but if she's low paid in the charity sector and he works shifts, I'd assume their income is something like £30/£20K or £35K/15K.

@Oink38 £100 a day for a nursery is bonkers. It must be close to that if you're paying £300 a week / £1K a month.

Change nurseries, consider a childminder, get some advice about your own 'soft skills' and transferable skills and consider other jobs.

You come over as having a very fixed mindset where nothing can or must change.

After 20 years at work in a snr role, you WILL have transferable skills.

But it comes across as if you are in a cushy job where you work from home, you don't want change or to move out of a comfort zone and you're maybe making the 'can't work anywhere else' an excuse.

Well said.

Hi Op

As you are already well aware, these early years are brutal because of childcare costs in this country. However, this is temporary. You will be better off at some point in the near future.

Like you, I do a job I love, but it doesn’t pay well at all. Sadly, we live in a society in which jobs that make significant improvements to some of the most vulnerable people’s lives & the communities we live in, are not valued appropriately.

However, I previously had a much higher paying job, that I hated. It took such a toll on my mental & physical health that it changed my perception entirely. I would now choose the lower paying job that I love over the higher paying job I hated, all day every day.

Money isn’t everything. I value my health and well-being more than anything else. Getting to do something you love is so important for your well-being, and often our mental & physical health too. I think it’s sad that it is seen as a luxury. I don’t think it is a luxury. It’s a choice. A choice to put yourself first, as opposed to material things. People literally kill themselves trying to afford things that aren’t necessary for a good life. It’s a real shame that people have been hoodwinked into believing this but it’s a key part of the consumer society we currently live in.

It sounds as if you’re just having a bad day. We all have them. I have them too. But for the most part, I am happier than I’ve ever been & a large part of that is down to the job I do and the people I get to spend time with. I think you will know what I am talking about.

Hang in there OP. It is possible to keep the job you love and live a good life. It’s all about choice, priorities and perspective.

That includes those who are out of work/retired/only working part time/single person households. Two people working full-time earning £50k are not high earners.

The other thing @Oink38 is you say you're supposed to be putting money into a pension.

Are you saying that your current job doesn't contribute to a pension scheme for you? Or that you have opted out of it/ your contributions?

I think- seriously- you need to take some financial advice.
If you have no pension with your current role and aren't putting anything into a private pension, this is a time bomb under you.

You've not said how old you are, but I assume you're close to 40 if you have worked for 20 years (left school at 18 or uni at 21?)

The other option is to find some home-based work for the two days a week you don't work.

Do you have any skills that you could use to add to your income? Crafts? Hobbies? Anything that could add more income? Maybe even work as a childminder in your own home or work a couple of evenings or whenever your H is around to do the childcare.

I know women who have 2 or 3 jobs just to keep afloat.

Exactly.

As I posted earlier in tie thread, it's only 5% above minimum wage (from April) for 2 full time workers!

OP you have made luxury choices - the choice to work in jobs your love but are low paying and with low hours. That is fine, but it was a choice. A lot of people, probably the majority in the world, do not do jobs they love, they do jobs they have to do and the hours they need to make life work.

You seem to want to do a low paying, enjoyable job, with low hours and still have the lifestyle you want. You can’t square that circle.

Which leaves you with a choice, keep going as you are, skimp and save when you can, or look at increasing your household earning.

If you have worked in the same sector for 20 years and are still on a low salary, then maybe a more to another sector is needed, you will have lots of transferable skills. You can always go back when finances aren’t so tight, but for now you need more money.

Unfortunately, there is a tendency on MN for people to shriek about some incomes 'not being low' which makes me wonder what world those posters are in.

Unless someone is on the minimum wage, earning less than £25K a year is a low income. So £50K for 2 people is not a high income.

The OP has the luxury of working part time.
No one who has a mortgage, a child in nursery and a low-ish combined income can be surprised that they are stretched financially.

Working p/t is a luxury if you're struggling. I'm not sure why she is, if she's in a senior role.

If money is that tight, she could pick up other work on her non-work days. There are women who take in ironing to make ends meet or work a few hours in a cafe or a pub (in the evenings.) There are plenty of vacancies.

Agreed

Yes bollocks is a good answer ;)
divide and rule too.

£60 per day isn’t that much - it’s not like childcare facilities are profiteering.

£50k pa should be enough to live on but at tge mo it's just not.

I'd suggest looking at a career move tbh, your on relatively low salaries and career progression may be better in a different field.

It's unlikely IT jobs will pay less any time soon or financial jobs.

Honestly, it's not about getting stuck in one field if you can't afford to live, it's about using your general skills elsewhere.

Good luck.

It's not £60 a day.

Its £1000 per month almost for 3 days a week.
£90-100 a day .

This is top rate and she might find a cheaper nursery.

Have you looked around @Oink38 ?

Or have you considered a childminder?

OP asks how the hell other people manage.
She's had the answer.

They don't choose to work part time . They do whatever work is needed to pay the bills, which usually means full time, not 3 days a week.

They move jobs and find one paying more.

Or they have two jobs, making up a full time equivalent.

Two people both working in the charity sector (one on shifts so I'm guessing it's in a care-type situation or a helpline ) aren't going to earn a lot.

And when one is only working part time, that limits things even more.

It's no good moaning about not having had a holiday for 9 years (why is that if your child is only a toddler?), running an old car, etc, but not willing to work full time or consider other jobs.

Have a rant OP, I’m with you.

Even with the 15 hours funding, 4 days a week at my nursery is £1164.50 per month. It will go down to £926 when we get 30 hours.

Its a lot of money even if you earn well.

Ok just to clarify a few things as this thread had completely gone crazy.

yes I chose to work part time but I do long days in order to get two days off to spend with my child. It’s quality time that yes I’m lucky to have. Therefore I can’t work on my non working days as I have a toddler to entertain.

I will be going back full time when he is in school next year. So I will be earning more money and it’ll take me above the average.

I don’t have a cushy job but yes I’m lucky my employer values long term workers and allows working from home and flexibility. I have worked in the private sector before and hated it and had a breakdown due to the environment. I don’t have a degree so all my job is experience and trust me having spoken to recruiters they all want degrees now for this level of work.

I can’t work weekends as my husbands shift change often and I can’t commit to a Saturday or Sunday regularly. We have looked at and have put in flexible working for him so he worked four days and I worked four days it got rejected.

I don’t have friends with children my age as they are all school aged as we had our child later due to complications. We arent having more children as we can’t afford them so have had that discussion.

the point of my thread wasn’t to moan about the cost of nursery solely but to ask how are we supposed to work, pay for child care, pay into pensions (I’m aware we can opt out but that obviously isn’t a good idea) and cope with the onslaught of everything going up- gas, electric mortgage payments water food etc

we are surviving financially but it just feels every day a new price hike happens. As someone said even with 15hoirs childcare they’re paying more as other nursery fees have gone up to help the nursery deal with the new funding. My nursery supplies everything and is one of the cheapest locally to us. There are other nurseries that don’t supply everything and still charge more.

but you lovely people are right. It’s temporary with nursery.

I just suppose I find it astonishing how much everything has increased by and how little help there is for those on borderline salaries. We’ve done all the calculations and spoke to people. We aren’t eligible.

we have a mortgage that went up by £300 recently

it just felt never ending.

and no we haven’t had holidays for various reasons- Covid, deaths in family, moving house etc. plus a holiday is a luxury not an essential and we have to prioritise bills etc.

thank you again to the kind helpful people.

Someone made the suggestion earlier in the thread to consider working 5 shorter days rather than 3 long days. Whether this will stack up would depend on you being able to find a 9-3 nursery that is significantly cheaper per day but I do think it would be a great idea when your child goes to school. If you do 20-25 hours over 5 days when your child is in school you won't need child care and it will be much nicer for your child when they start than before and after school care while they are little.

Nothing to add but sympathy.

Unfortunately, we’ve currently suffering at the other end. We have two of our three at university. Cut off for students to get more than the minimum is about 66k combined so whilst a bit more than yours, not a lot for 2 adults working full time.

So we are currently paying £1700 a month towards their rent which makes things very tight. One has a p/t job in a pub but gets so few hours it barely touches the sides. He applies for other stuff constantly but no joy so far. The other is on a full on course which states that working isn’t suitable in term time. She spends so much time worrying about money which simply isn’t fair at her age and time of life. Neither go out much and tell me that the version of university I experienced of lazy days and drunken nights is now reserved for those where parents can afford to really prop them up rather than just pay a big chunk of their accommodation. They mostly stay in and share a cheap bottle of wine a couple of times a week.

Whats completely ridiculous is that child benefit stops and you’re told they’re now an adult so you don’t need it yet on the other hand you’re told it’s your responsibility to fund them if they want to go to university rather than them being allowed to take out the student loan and fund it themselves.

It’s crippling and so many young people now cannot go simply because their parents who earn, maybe £35000 each are deemed wealthy enough to support them throughout when clearly they cannot.

The country is in a bloody mess and I hold out zero hope that Starmer will make it any better.

Thank you. We did look at the five shorter day options but the nurseries charge either morning or afternoon sessions so we would still have to pay for the full day.

when he is at school I’ll be back full time. It’s just a necessity as I’ve been lucky to work only 3 days whilst he is little. But I have no doubt he will be fine in school clubs. He would live at nursery if he had the choice 😂

I wish I could disagree with you 😬🙈

This is the crux of your circumstances @Oink38

yes I chose to work part time but I do long days in order to get two days off to spend with my child. It’s quality time that yes I’m lucky to have. Therefore I can’t work on my non working days as I have a toddler to entertain.

You have chosen this lifestyle.
You could, if you were really pushed, work a few hours in the evening in a pub or a cafe if your H was at home.

The issue as others have said is that you each work in low paid jobs, relatively.

£50K is not a high family income when you have to pay for a nursery.

I still think you are being very narrow minded about your own career options. Whatever you do for the charity will give you skills you can use elsewhere.

Personally, I think you both need to sit down and discuss your longer term career plans and also consider gaining qualifications if that might open more doors. At 38 you can't say that there is no other job or sector that would employ you. You have potentially another 30 years of work ahead.

Please see my previous response.