How the hell everyone is supposed to cope?

[Oink38]

Having a bad day of mass anxiety.

so, hubby and I earn ok wages. Not huge but we both work for charities so probably earn between 50k between us

childcare is killing us- nearly 1k a month for 3 days a week. We have no family or friends support. Now that the new funding has come in people who aren’t entitled due to being 3 shortly and not getting that funding until September will have to no doubt have their nursery fees raised again.

no pay rises in sight. Meant to be putting into work pension and also saving but honestly where the hell are we supposed to find the money

desperate to move but can’t cos nursery fees are too high.

fed up with this government. Not entitled to any benefits barely surviving month to month. Haven’t had a holiday in 9 years. Drive old car. No fun days out. Barely have anything left to do anything with. Utterly fed up of working for basically shit.

no can’t get other jobs I am specialised in what I do and hubby earns well for the field he is in.

and no we don’t buy take away coffees or avocados

just a massive rant really. Suppose aibu in thinking how the hell people are supposed to survive when everything is going up and no positivity anywhere

The UK has an increasing population albeit from immigration rather than an increasing birthrate. Just google our population stats over the last few decades.

This. Wankers who gamble with other people's money (aka stockbrokers) get paid six figure salaries or more whilst the people who invest in the nation's future by educating children are paid peanuts. That's what's wrong in this country, not low-paid couples having kids.

I'm not telling her to. I'm just suggesting to look into it. If their dynamics mean that the father is more maternal than sure, he can look into it.

When I was 34 with a baby and a toddler, my husband left me for a much younger woman then went abroad. I was a single working parent for their whole childhoods. I had planned, waited, got a degree and career. All the sensible things. We had just bought a house too. Financially it totally fucked me over. We didn't argue, I prioritised his career, there was no sign he was unhappy. So you can do one with your high horse bullshit. Single parents need supporting, not judging

They cold also both reduce their hours. It’s stupid advice for one person to completely give up their career just to bridge what is a relatively short term issue.

This 100%, I get that there are some anomalies but most of the time alot of people have a baby and don't do the maths and then a couple years down the line come on here and complain about the cost of raising a child especially nursery costs, many others would have done the maths beforehand and not had a baby as a result or at least until they are financially able to do so , I get that the government policy's are rubbish towards people having children but it only takes a bit of homework to see what it is like, but just having a child anyway and blaming them afterwards isn't right, having a child isn't a right, it's a privilege which comes with adequate financial planning.

The most succinct response to this I can think of is ...

Bollocks

£50k is absolutely a decent income.

I honestly don't think half of mumsnet live in the real world.

I know this might not be taken well. My folks worked in a factory and on minimum wage and only survived by working opposite shifts. That avoided childcare fees completely. Sometimes a career change that works for the family in the short term is needed. Once kids are older you can focus on careers again.

Because working at home is not synonymous with sitting at your computer for a few hours when the children are asleep. Many work-at-home jobs involve actually being on shift at times not of your choosing and are not compatible with looking after a young child, which is why most employers won't agree to home-based working unless you can satisfy them that you have robust child care arrangements in place.

It is all very well saying 'look for a better paid job', but there is a huge value in an employer who is flexible and supportive, and job that is secure.

I have been in the situation a couple of times where I have discussed flexibility during the recruitment phase, or negotiated slightly different hours due to childcare commitments (starting and ending half an hour later than everyone else), then when I was actually in post was constantly under pressure whenever I needed that flexibility. In both cases I ended up leaving after several months of stress (which wasn't good for my mental health or parenting). I ended up worse off financially because I then had to take a mortgage break/use savings while finding another job.

OP - rant away, and get through this phase as best you can. It won't last forever.

Having a child should not be limited to the wealthy. There should be room in society for people to have a low paid job they love AND have a family. One of my friends has been an assistant midwife for over 20 years, and that experience and love of her job is invaluable to the women she supports through childbirth. It would be very sad if she had been forced into something better paying in order to be able to afford her own children.

Exactly!

Average household income is £32,000
Average household income, UK - Office for National Statistics (ons.gov.uk)

It is undoubtedly tough for anyone who has child care costs on top of ordinary living expenses at the moment, but you are probably a bit unrealistic if you expect to have a lovely, but poorly paid job and a child and financial security all at the same time. There are two of you, couldn't one of you look for a better paid job, even if it's only for a few years?

I disagree that people on low incomes should accept that they can't have a child and financial security.

People in poorly paid jobs - whether by choice or not - should be able to have a child and have adequate housing, food, clothing etc. And make financial provision for housing, food etc once they reach retirement age.

In the nicest possible way moaning won't make any difference. , the only way to improve your financial situation is to change something. £50k for a couple is a low wage, the national average is somewhere mid 30s so you are below average on earnings and at an expensive stage of your life.

Can you top up your wage with weekend or evening work? A year or two of thst whille your child is at nursery might provide additional income to enable you to have some spare money.

Of course you don't want to work weekends or evenings- very few people do however you want to stay in your current job, your husband works full time and also doesnt want to change his job so maybe additional money from another source at a time of day when childcare isn't required might be an option.

You need to think creatively, but change nothing and moaning is all you will have to bring you any comfort.

The average HOUSEHOLD income is £32,000 as posted above. £50,000 is significantly above that.

Not according to the Office for National Statistics, which is distilled here;

https://thinkplutus.com/average-uk-salary/

I think you are muddling average income and average disposable income on the original link.

'Disposable income is the amount of money that households have available for spending and saving after direct taxes, such as Income Tax, National Insurance and Council Tax, have been accounted for.'

Average household income, UK - Office for National Statistics (ons.gov.uk)

That isn't the usual way the term 'disposable income' is used, which is 'money for fun stuff once you've paid the bills'.

It means money once taxes are paid.

It's 13% over the minimum wage for 2 full time workers.

5% over minimum wage from April.

We had this.
But our top was 30 per week and it was a lovely place though.

OP - if you or DH can’t/don’t want to switch jobs and have maxed out all support based on your income, then the only options left are to change your child to a cheaper nursery. It sounds like you can’t afford the current one based on your income. If you don’t want to move DC then you’ll need to accept you can’t afford savings, holidays etc. But I think everyone on here is saying you basically need to make a sacrifice somewhere to get through this period. No one (except a few very fortunate) seem to be able to do it all without some sort of compromise.

I just want to add my experience. This time last year me and DH awaiting the arrival of our 3rd baby. Both working fulltime, anticipated that childcare years will be very tough with 2 under 2 and were preparing to live on very little when I returned to work fulltime.

Unfortunately me and DH separated in Autumn (a long story) I'm now a single parent to 3 children. However I'm returning to work part time soon from Maternity and had to sign onto Universal Credits for the first time in my life. With all in outgoings I'm now much better off financially

That posted too early. This means I'm ok financially and can spend more time with my children than working fulltime.

Whilst single parents should be support of course I feel it's also sad that if me and DH were still together we would be living on next to nothing because of childcare.

Personally I would cut back your hours so you can be entitled to UC rather than both of getting second or third jobs otherwise where is the life balance?