Inheritance -Family money?

[ZekeZeke]

Example:
Married 25 years, no mortgage both work.
2 adult children in University still living at home.(both working part time).
Widowed MIL dies. DH inherits £200,000
Is this family pot money?
DH Money?
DH and DW money?
DH ans DC money?

Dh money but I would expect it to be invested for the family’s benefit. When my husband’s uncle died my mil and her siblings inherited a few hundred k. She gave her three children a cheque each for £25k. I never saw it as my money. Dh has it invested anyway so it will benefit our family unit at some point.

DH money though I'd be hoping he would be thinking of the whole family while planning what to do with it. Maybe his DM had spoken to him about her wishes re the grandchildren?

I understand your sentiment and I’m sorry about your Mum but the sad fact of life is that life is just so unequal. There’s always going to be someone better off or worse than you. People judge situations without really knowing the full picture. For example, I was “lucky” enough to inherit enough to pay off our mortgage and for me to not have to work for the rest of my life, but we’re not mega rich - we live in a modest 3 bed semi, our dc don’t go to private school, we don’t have fancy foreign holidays every year. We’re just “comfortable” and believe me I’m very thankful for that but I’d swap it all for a Mum who wasn’t a schizophrenic alcoholic who was sectioned so many times in my childhood I ended up in and out of foster care like a ping pong ball. And now I have chronic very debilitating health issues (on long term indefinite high rate PIP) so the money is just keeping us going. That’s quite a personal thing to share but I just wanted to say that comparison really is the thief of joy.

It should be invested and as much as possible passed down to the next generation. That’s how you maintain wealth in a family. ‘The rich plan for the next generation, the poor plan for the weekend. ‘

I've been a SAHM for most of my married life with only low paid P/T jobs every once in a while. My husband is very much of the opinion that while he has contributed probably 95% of our money over the years it has always been ' ours' not his. We always discuss large purchases together and he has never questioned how I spend any disposable income we have (although he does roll his eyes when I have Botox).

I'm now going to get quite a lot of money from my recently deceased parent's estate. I'm thrilled to be able to add to 'our' money for once. It's the least I can do.

DH and however he wants to spend/allocate it money. I inherited a seven figure amount a couple of years ago and it is still ‘mine’ in the sense that the funds sit in my account. However, I have used significant amounts to benefit us as a family including creating a savings account for DC and using the bulk of it to pay for and renovate a new house for us all to live in. Beyond that, I consider the rest mine unless I choose again to spend it on things that will benefit the rest of the family.

I should throw in here that my future earnings potential is limited for personal reasons and DH and I have also never shared our finances. DH also is independently wealthy in his own right with both substantial savings and investments.

I can’t believe the number of people who would spend an inheritance on holidays and cars! I would be livid if I thought my children would blow their inheritance on material possessions. Inheritance is imo to be passed down through a family with each family adding something to it.

For us it would be family money because that's how we've always treat our income. I got a small inheritance several years ago and it went on new front steps and living expenses. I'm a sahm and all the earnings are shared. Before we had kids I was sometimes earning when dh wasn't.
I think how you've treated money in the past makes a difference.

It's more likely to say 'What's yours is mine and what's mine's my own'!

DH's money to use however he chooses.

I think you misunderstand - and maybe my whinging post contributed to that. I am genuinely not comparing myself to others. Good god we called all be living in Yemen now. Or Doncaster (kidding). It is really two things that get me sad. One is that the inequity through nothing we have done ourselves gets passed down through generations and affects my children. The other is people not knowing how lucky they are an moaning about, for example, IHT (like the pp who was moaning they had to split an inheritance of over 1 million between 5 of them and it was effectively a pittance).

I agree comparison is the thief of joy, but so is rampant inequality that is maintained by the well off being able to buy advantage for their children. Both can be true

It’s DH’s money. Now, he may wish to share it, spend it on improving joint assets, or set up trusts for the DCs. But if his mother had intended it all to go into the family pot she would have made that clear in her will.

I wouldn’t think much of someone who blew their inheritance on fast cars etc. when their wife and children were starving. But, all other things being OK, I would say that the wife would be unreasonable to insist that the money is shared.

@ConsuelaHammock What is the point in passing it down though if no one ever spends it?

We have done family pot - or majority family pot and maybe a portion kept back for the inheritor to use for something for them.

Family money.

You invest it and spend the profits from the investments?

So property, land, stocks and shares etc

Legally DH money, don’t know about rest of UK but under Scots law inheritances do not form part of the family pot in divorce. Morally it should benefit the family generally. Obviously lots depends on circumstances, was any money left directly to grandchildren say. In our case these sit in accounts in the name of the person who inherited but have been drawn on to help DC with deposits etc.

As someone who did inherit a large sum, I hear what you’re saying and I don’t disagree @jm9138. It’s unfair and I wish life was more fair. My brother and I had a very large IHT bill to pay. I didn’t resent it- it wasn’t my money in the first place.

Family money. If this happened to us, DH would have the final say on how to spend it BUT I know it would be money for us all as a family in the long run and vice versa. In fact we have both had, much smaller than 200k, inheritances on the past and done exactly this.

We are in Ireland, I out a £ but should be a €. Its over €200K.
No inheritance tax. IT is only paid over €335 in Ireland.
All fees have been paid. Funeral, Solicitor, Estate Agent, etc

Shocked that people don't see this as family money? If you are living a life together you share things like this.

My Dh recently unexpectedly inherited £15,000 from his estranged dad its in the family pot we have always shared finance ,s
I'm like
To.gets fairly substantial inheritance which will.go in the family pot too I cant imagine not sharing

Ah ok, I get what you mean now

I saw my dhs inheritance as his money as he 'earned it' from what his parents put him through, & he saw it as family money. It took him two years to upgrade his computer using some of it. If I were to inherit anything I would put it in the family pot.