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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get upset with dh not funny joke

110 replies

mehdismummy · 22/03/2008 09:16

woke up as usual this am. H off work on hols. He gets up too and has tea with us. All of a sudden and i dont know how it came up but he tells me he is taking money from my purse to go out last night. Quite obviously i am angry about this. He does not give me any money from his wages at all. The money we get child tax goes on food and nappies etc.

OP posts:

QuintessentiallyAnEmptyCave · 22/03/2008 09:19

Just ask him to replace money he took with money from his salary.

Or say fine, if he wants to be able to help himself from the cash you have laying in the house for nappys and baby food, he needs to start contributing to that.

Original poster

mehdismummy · 22/03/2008 09:19

my wages which is nothing literally a £150 a month is mine. I get really annoyed with him and ask him how i am meant to by food etc. He does not care. We argue for a bit and i get called a bitch etc. He then threatens me and goes to smash a tv remote in my face but stops himself because ds in room. He then gives me the money back and says i am a bitch and one day i ywikl see

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 22/03/2008 09:20

Will he not give it back to you?

I don't think other people can really comment on how you arange your personal finances. Personally it wouldn't bother me if DH took money from my purse, unless I needed to then fo out of my way to get to the cash machine.

QuintessentiallyAnEmptyCave · 22/03/2008 09:21

That sounds really harsh. Is he always this unsupportive/disrespectful? Or has something happened recently?

hercules1 · 22/03/2008 09:22

Mehdismummy - I think there are far more issues in your relationship than him borrowing money off you. Sympathies and I'm sure you'll get some great advice here.

LynetteScavo · 22/03/2008 09:22

this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. You have £150 a months for food, nappies etc? What does he pay for?

Original poster

mehdismummy · 22/03/2008 09:23

who he really is. I have appointment with camden safety net on thursday and i know i have to leave but just wanted to post because i am so sad and wanting to cry because i dont see what i do to deserve this all i want is a bit of love. He makes me feel so so so worthless. Know i need to go but how? What am i gonna live on. Where am i gonna live. Have no rl support

OP posts:

QuintessentiallyAnEmptyCave · 22/03/2008 09:24

I am really sad for you, I hope the safety net will be able to offer some real suggestions for you. No family or friends nearby?

I can hear my toddler is awake, so must go see to him

edam · 22/03/2008 09:24

That's not a joke, Medhismummy, that's appalling. Why on earth isn't he contributing to the family? And who the hell does he think he is, threatening you with violence?

Is this typical of your relationship?

chrissnow · 22/03/2008 09:27

Mehdismummy, Hi. I have been on your threads before. Did you ever call that lady back? You know you need to leave him. Please get out of this toxic relationship. He is a pathetic excuse for a man and treats you apallingly. The 'threat' about the remote control is just the final straw - judging on his past behaviour.
I really wish I could offer you further advice.

Original poster

mehdismummy · 22/03/2008 09:27

he pays for nothing at all. The tax credit we get weekly goes on food. The money from wages goes on clothes for me dh. You know usual stuff. I dont mind giving him money i often lend it to him. But he made me think he had just taken it without asking so he could make me upset. Yes he gave it back but why would you do that in first place? Would anyone else dh do that? Is this normal and i am just over reacting?

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dizzychixies · 22/03/2008 09:28

agree with edam completely - nothing 'jokey' about it. he threatened you and only stopped short of hurting you as dc was in room but you've been left with a warning for next time

I think not. YANBU he is being a violent threatening bully who has no rescpect for other people's stuff and only stopped short at physically hurting you because your son was there.

not acceptable sorry.

mrsruffallo · 22/03/2008 09:29

mehdi's mum- I am sure you will find love but obviously haven't with this man.
From what I understand there is no physical or emotional relationship and now no financial support.

Original poster

mehdismummy · 22/03/2008 09:30

gonna see lady on thursday. And yes edam this is typical he can go a week or so being ok but soon changes. My sister lives nearby but does not get involved. I know i need to leave but so scared of what will happen

OP posts:

chrissnow · 22/03/2008 09:30

sorry x-posts. Don't let the fear hold you back from leaving. You won't be out on the streets with nothing if you leave him. Safety Net/Citizens Advice will all help you out. Your DS (who you know I think is adorable!!) deserves better than to be brought up with him as a male role model. And as for you - You have done nothing to deserve the treatment he gives you. This is his problem not yours.

chrissnow · 22/03/2008 09:32

And as for not having rl support. I've seen it time and time again on this site. MN internet support has a habit of becoming Real Life support in times of need.

mankymummy · 22/03/2008 09:32

i dont think you are over-reacting, its about respect. personally i'd be more concerned about him going to smash the tv remote in your face.

i had little RL support when I left my ex, although not physically abusive he was mentally abusive. even though sometimes its been hard, i am so much happier now and have absolutely no doubt i did the right thing.

if you do decide to leave you may find out you have strengths you never knew existed and find you are a much nicer person than he's making you believe you are.

you will find someone to love you but quite frankly that man sounds like he couldnt love anyone.

good luck.

Original poster

mehdismummy · 22/03/2008 09:32

you are right mrs there is nothing at all and as i cry whilst typing this i feel so sad because i never thought my life would turn out like this. My confidence has gone and i dont think i could feel any lower

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dizzychixies · 22/03/2008 09:36

you've just realised it then mehdismummy, if it can get no lower than it is now what is the point of staying, regardless of where you are you will feel more secure/safe and will start to manage and make a new life for yourself without this bully bringing you down

things will get gradually better and become easier

[hugs]]

mrsruffallo · 22/03/2008 09:36

The only way is up then mehdi's mum- I think you will be happier being able to express yourself and not living with violent threats.

How long have you been together and what was he like towards you when you met?
( tell me I am being nosy if you want)

Original poster

mehdismummy · 22/03/2008 09:36

everyone on here has been great and today has just been the final straw for me. I am going to my mums for a week friday so at least i can have some peace

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Freckle · 22/03/2008 09:37

Mehdismummy, you have posted before about your dh's totally unacceptable attitude towards you. He keeps all his money to himself, leaving you with next to nothing to live on and then he takes what little you do have to go out and enjoy himself. When you object, he is violent.

Please don't worry about where will you go, etc. There are organisations there to help people in your situation. Just get your and ds' stuff organised and get out. If you stay much longer, either you or ds will end up injured. Please leave as soon as possible. You can speak to the domestic violene department at your local police, you can speak to Women's Aid or CAB who may be able to direct you to your local women's support service.

Original poster

mehdismummy · 22/03/2008 09:40

thanks dizzy. Needed a hug. I have been with him six years and at the begining he was lovely it only really started when we got married. The metal abuse is worse sometimes. He made my whole pregnancy hell and i just wish i had left when he left when i refused to get abortion

OP posts:

mankymummy · 22/03/2008 09:41

kick him out. change the locks.

Original poster

mehdismummy · 22/03/2008 09:42

this lady i am gonna see will help me on thursday and i agree it will only get worse i think i know that now. He keeps saying you will never stop me seeing my son but tbh i just want to move from london

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