OMDB - I know for outsiders reading about those in abusive relationships, it may appear baffling as to why they are still there when things are so bad, but it takes time to gather the strength to make the big break.
MM is beginning to make moves in the right direction by accepting she is in an abusive marriage & getting help & advice from safety net. It is not easy to just get out, no matter how bad things are, and MM is very much on her own, with her family living miles away.
I am speaking as someone who was in an unhealthy marriage myself. My husband was never physically violent, but he had a terrible temper & was very controlling.
In Dec 2004 I started a thread to see what outsiders made of my relationship difficulties & was alarmed at the responses I got, all telling me I was in an abusive marriage.
Bit by bit I made little moves to help myself, first having big talks with ex H, then getting help from my HV & counsellor, attending freedom training sessions, eventually accepting help from SS, while he agreed to counselling for his anger problems.
It was June 2006 before I actually ended my marriage as I realised nothing was going to change things - this was 17 months after fist accepting we had big big problems.
I remember Blu telling me that it was like climbing a mountain, bit by bit moving that little bit futher up before eventually reaching the peak, by which stage there was no going all the way back down to the bottom.
My HV told me that it can take women an average of being hit 37 times before they get out. I found this a very shocking statistic, but abusive men are very good at turning the tables & making their partner feel at fault.
Also, when they turn on their nice side, it can totally mess your head up. It can make you feel like you imagined the more horrific times. I would often tell my ex that it was like living with two different men.
I am waffling on here, but I am just trying to explain through my own experiences why it is not as easy as it may appear to just get out. MM will get there though, and she will feel so much happier once she has the freedom.
I used to panic about how I would cope on my own, but it is far less stressful than living a life of treading on egg shells, never knowing what might trigger your other half into a rage.
It was not the easiest thing for me to end my marriage, and it hasn't all been plain sailing, but the boys & myself are now settled in our own place, they spend quality time with their dad when they do see him, and they have adjusted well. I don't regret my decision one bit, and have since met my very lovely new boyfriend.
MM is very brave & doing really well, and I hope one day very soon, her & her gorgeous little boy will be free & happy.