Alien/space creature day at school

[VGY3]

We were informed a few weeks ago that school is doing it today. The memo was to 'be creative' and 'make' something to come to school in.. as an alien or space creature.

Me and DS worked together to make his. He was proud as punch and excited to show his friends.. until we got to school and saw that most of the other children in the class were in shop bought (proper) costumes. He then felt "silly" about his costume not being a "real one" and didn't want to wear it anymore.

I know people can be pushed for time, I am too, 3 kids and work ft, but we've had weeks. How hard is it to stick some googly eyes on a piece of card?

There was some hand made ones available in the class for children who's parents didn't participate, so nobody would feel left out. There was no need to go out and splurge on pricy costumes.

AIBU to feel a bit peeved?

Interesting question OP. I really don't feel you are unreasonable to feel peeved. You worked hard with your child, having fun and lovely moments along the way, only for the day to arrive and your child felt like they had the worst costume. You did great, you are a great mum and I can understand that you feel deflated.

It is the easiest thing in the world for (most, accept some people are hard up before anyone jumps down my throat) a parent to just get their debit card out, and it must be hard to hear complaints when you've genuinely tried your best.

I don't think you're really hating on parents who didn't have the time or the skills, you've just seen your efforts and a beautiful memory go unappreciated. While a parent that gets their purse out in Tesco is a hero. One day you'll laugh about like the time I complained to my mother about the fact I didn't have a childminder and had never tried a pot noodle, life is so unfair!!!

Completely agree that his reaction is fair enough for a 4 year old, but it's your job to teach him how to understand that different families have different abilities and priorities as well as how to handle disappointment which is far more important than making sure he never experiences it.

It's not your job to make sure all the other parents parent in the way that you would like in order to minimise disappointment in your son.

It’s not about “making a random child happy”. It’s about not causing distress to a classmate.

Presumably you’d care if your child’s behaviour was causing distress to a classmate?

Shame you can’t own it when it’s your behaviour causing the distress.

Did you not read her post she didn’t sneer once. She was gutted her son felt his costume wasn’t as good that’s it.

Your choices are clearly not going to resolve around what the school requested either.

They asked people to make things, not buy.

If you're not going to do as asked then just don't participate. Your child will still get to enjoy the experience when they get there as school makes surplus masks etc. for children who don't come in wearing anything from home.

Oh and by the way OP, ignore some of the mean comments on here. If you started ranting and raving to every parent in the playground about how hard you worked and how they took the easy option and they're shit and responsible for your child being upset, yes, you'd be unreasonable. To to have a moment of disappointment to yourself, where you are upset and crestfallen. No. Anyone who says this is unreasonable, to me, feels like they're the ones that take the easy option and resent you signposting it to them.

I work full time, my DH works full time, we have swimming and other activities. I am not making a stupid costume for a dress up day.

If it's a play or a proper activity I will try and help (made a gorgon's head one year) but often buying is the best option

Stay on your high horse, hope the weather is lovely up there... and you have space for a your lovely crafts which some people hate with a passion

no one will ever say i have made my kids homework for them as i hate crafts!

I know they made no effort to read and follow the rules set by the school. Don’t really care about what other effort they’re putting in elsewhere.
*
Do these parents also just hand in whatever homework they fancy their kid doing, instead of what the school actually sets?*

You're a charmer, aren't you?

I know single mothers are still social pariahs, but you 'don't really care what other effort they are putting in elsewhere'. Interesting that you can give no credence to the point I made about the effort it takes to effectively be two parents with all that entails, and why hand making costumes would be more than an irritation.

Funnily enough, as well as school dress-up days, their homework isn't high on my agenda either. Given that I work full time myself, run the house by myself, and do everything else for them by myself. Oooh aren't I a terrible mother!

They know they can ask me for help with homework btw but other than that it's down to them.

Thank you for such a kind post ❤️

You've hit the nail on the head.

Distress is reaching a bit. He was disappointed which is a perfectly normal emotion to feel and OP's job is to manage that as his parent, as well as future expectations when it comes to costume days.

Different families work in different ways and school is the perfect way to learn that.

Of course, but at the point of realising how many children were in 'proper' costumes it was time to go in. I will absolutely be having a chat about it after school and hopefully he will feel better about it, but he's had the whole day there feeling self conscious and embarrassed.

I guess it's a learning curve for main stream primary school. It genuinely did not occur to me that people would be buying from shops/online as the fliers specifically said to make something.

So OP has to teach her child to have the expectation that the school will set rules for costume days and other parents will completely ignore those rules?

In other words, her child must learn that the way your family works is with selfish disregard of the rules. But that’s her problem. Nice.

I’m shit at crafts and I hate the mess, so we never “homemade” anything for the ridiculous dress up requirements our school pulled from the ether! However I’m also really tight, so all costumes are pulled together from items of clothing we already own - notable exception being the £3 lion gilet from vinted for “safari day” (wtf?!). DC has complained that costumes are not the amazon ones others wear, they get told that different people have different budgets, different priorities and different skills and that in the grand scheme of things no one is going to remember what you wore on safari day/roman day/space day. If I were you I’d minimise it, if you don’t each one of these is going to be a nightmare for you.

I was being sarcastic to a poster who had been repeatedly snippy to me, of course I realise people have time/financial constraints.

@VGY3 I'm sure he hasn't had the whole day feeling upset and embarrassed, I hope not anyway. I hope he brightened up once there and enjoyed his day and I'm sure he'll have had nice comments from his teacher and friends.

I am a single parent.

Ok, I just am useless at crafting and would rather pull my eyebrows out one by one.

Your child is in Reception from what you say, do make sure to teach them that everyone does different things - some make some buy...

good luck 👽

The important thing to learn is that parents are under pressure, many of them won't have spent more than ten minutes thinking about this. If you made something and you and your son got something out of it then great.

You have to understand that there will be other areas of parenting where other parents don't take the same approach as you because they think a little more effort will be beneficial for their family. They would be out of line to expect you to adjust your decisions on screen time/treats/activities/healthy diet/exercise/language/sleepovers in order to make their lives easier and reduce their DC's disappointment.

You're placing far too much importance on the actions of others.

I think schools should stop trying to dictate what families do in their own time and concentrate on teaching the kids.

@VGY3 that post wasn't even at you, it was replying to Heather, who wanted to disregard other efforts that parents make because apparently school 'rules' are more important than everything else.

So OP has to teach her child to have the expectation that the school will set rules for costume days and other parents will completely ignore those rules?

Considering how many children will continue to turn up with bought costumes, yes.

The school can set costume rules all they like, it's going to be so low down the priority list for so many busy parents that the bought costumes will continue.

If school want to insist on handmade costumes, they can have the children make them at school.

I am curious why some parents will help their children with their spelling, maths and reading homework.
Will send them to swimming lessons.
Will hire tutors for 11+/SATS.
Will take them to museums.
Sign them up for all sorts of activities and clubs.
But school gives them some craft homework to do (because that's what this is) they are all "we're not doing that....I'm far tooooo busy".

This reminds me of the time my child's school did Lords and ladies day when they were learning about castles and Kings etc... and I bought him a flouncey shirt with frills and things off amazon, only to get to school and see all the other boys in normal button up shirts. I felt terrible but luckily he isn't the type to embarrass easily. I've gone a bit more low key since then.

The option was make something or send child in to use a costume provided by school.

Option 2 requires zero effort by parent.

There was no “buy a costume” option.