Is it rude to just cut out a guy I like?

[Penguinbars]

Basically, I like someone at work, he's giving me hot and cold and I can't take anymore. He's showing signs of liking me whilst also keeping a certain distance from me and I can't cope anymore.
I'm done trying to analyse him and trying to make out to him that I'm not interested.
We're not in the same department so dating wouldn't even be an issue as we don't work together as such.
Anyway, is it rude of me to just suddenly stop talking? I feel like an idiot for even pretending I want to be friends with him.
It might look stroppy that I ghost him, but being kept at a certain distance even though he talks to me loads and flirts and wants to spend time with me is upsetting me.
Is he owed an explanation? I've only properly spoken to him for around 2 months I guess.
Honestly I'm a very upfront honest person and I hate doing the whole slow fade.
He is used to me talking a lot so he'll certainly be questioning why I've stopped but I just think I deserve better.

You are right. But honestly, do you think there's an indication he likes me romantically, or not?

I'd just rather know that before I make a fool of myself.

I’m in a similar situation. I can’t hack the hot and cold. I’ve taken a big step back so polite if working directly and some social chit chat. But no head space or analysis allowed

@Penguinbars

You sound like a teenager with a mad crush 😍 on someone 🤣 L.o.l

Nothing wrong having a crush on someone,

but you are giving it far too much headspace ..

just don't overthink things,

Let things happen organically naturally

If it's meant to be, it will happen if not 🤷‍♂️

My advice get curious into some hobbies interests
widen your social circle...

It's not making a fool of yourself to express your feelings to someone. If he doesn't feel the same, it doesn't mean anything bad about you. Think about why HE would be lucky to have YOU as his girlfriend. Focus on you, not him.

@donquixotedelamancha and others told you in no uncertain terms already that it sounds like he’s into you.

I used to be like you when I was single. I know the dread and insecurity. And how it goes on and on. It never did me any good.

just send him a message “I’ve had lots of fun when we’ve been out. Do you want to go on a date one of these days?”

no need to go into how you’re interested romantically or any words like that. I would not have been able to, the crippling fear of rejection wouldn’t have allowed me. So just send that message. If he says yes, great, if he says no, not a date, then you can start moving on.

DO IT NOW or you won’t do it, agree with don quixote

YOU WON'T KNOW UNLESS YOU ASK HIM!!!!

You are right. Honestly I do think he'd be lucky to have me, I really do wish I didn't have these feelings, it's sad.

How on Earth does the information at hand lead you to that conclusion?
Women post on here all the time that they've been single for a while, are they all closet lesbians?

Just the vibe I'm getting and my opinion. From vast experience for various reasons that I won't get into.

how are you doing now @Penguinbars ?

Not bad thank you, he was off sick so not spoken to him but I'll wait and see if he speaks to me tomorrow! I am just going to tell him, enough of all this overthinking now. Least if he says no I've got a weekend to myself to wallow.

Men who blow hot and cold will always be timewasters. Ask him out directly but don't be surprised when he backs off even further and then comes back. At least you'll know then.

Not sure why so many posters are gaslighting the OP here, she clearly understands he's using her to feel good about himself!

OP, you know in your heart he's messing you around and thankfully you have a high bar (as you should!) so you know you deserve better.

Definitely time to move on. No need for a grand gesture, just don't actively message him and if he messages you, take a while to reply and don;t say much. That will kill this off in a few weeks without you having to damage the working relationship.

Hope someone much better comes along soon x

Right we've had a chat and he said he just doesn't want to date someone he works with which is fair, ahh well.

Sorry to hear it but at least you have that clarity and can move your interests on to more promising things ❤

Good on you for just having the convo.

Yeah you're right, at least I have closure :) he said it's not me, he just thinks it could get messy with us working together. Ahh well.

Part of me thinks it's a convenient excuse, but I'm not stupid, I'm just glad I've cut him off...

Sorry to hear OP

agree that now you have closure and can move on. the wondering can be so difficult. Hope you meet someone wonderful soon

Thank you :) do you think it's just an excuse?
He said I want you to know it's definitely not you I've just had a few bad experiences in the past so I avoid it altogether now. Dunno why but I just feel deep down like it's bs..

I didn't ask him on a date, I just kinda told him it was better to distance a little.

What exactly did you say to him? I don't mean this in a nasty way but you sound confusing to talk to.

This hasn't worked out but there'll be someone else in due course.

I just said that because we were quite close and talked all the time the lines were getting a bit blurred and I needed to take a step back. He knew what I was getting at and just said he doesn't do the whole dating workmates thing as it has potential to get messy, because he likely isn't leaving for several months, and it gets messy.

Ahhh OK. Time to meet with your friends and enjoy other things.

Thank you :)
I don't know why but I think what he's said is a convenient excuse, but who knows...