Is it rude to just cut out a guy I like?

[Penguinbars]

Basically, I like someone at work, he's giving me hot and cold and I can't take anymore. He's showing signs of liking me whilst also keeping a certain distance from me and I can't cope anymore.
I'm done trying to analyse him and trying to make out to him that I'm not interested.
We're not in the same department so dating wouldn't even be an issue as we don't work together as such.
Anyway, is it rude of me to just suddenly stop talking? I feel like an idiot for even pretending I want to be friends with him.
It might look stroppy that I ghost him, but being kept at a certain distance even though he talks to me loads and flirts and wants to spend time with me is upsetting me.
Is he owed an explanation? I've only properly spoken to him for around 2 months I guess.
Honestly I'm a very upfront honest person and I hate doing the whole slow fade.
He is used to me talking a lot so he'll certainly be questioning why I've stopped but I just think I deserve better.

When we met up he seemed to be contradicting himself about dating colleagues. But he's had an interview for another place plus he's only with us temporarily on secondment so we won't be colleagues for any more than a couple of months tops.
I just know he isn't, he said about a month ago 'still wants to be mates' when I asked if all was ok.

I honestly don't think he's gay 😂

You do you then hun. I've seen this a million times before.

Because he freaked out when you asked him to see a film, then kicked himself afterwards and asked you out?

Did you go?

This all seems more complicated than necessary. I’m not unsympathetic, because I think many of us have at some point lost our hearts to someone who blew hot and cold, but why not just say you’re attracted to him, and if he’s interested and single, you’d like to go on an actual date, rather than pussyfoot around any longer?

You can’t base anything on the fact that he hasn’t made a pass at you. Neither have you.

I know in my heart he's not interested :(

That's it then. Yanbu for all the reasons you state.
Do what you need to. Don't be so available. x

So you had a conversation where he knew you'd asked him on a date, then he said he wasn't interested in something romantic? Then a week later asked you out as friends?

OR

He isn't sure it was a date, you haven't responded to his flirtation and he's respectfully toned it down a bit but still asked you out again?

If the first one, he only wants to be friends- make clear that doesn't work for you and cut down to polite contact at work. If the second, just bloody ask him out properly.

Either way, use your words.

Yeah but I'm like why did he freak out, I didn't even label it like a date, it's only a bloody film I didn't exactly say come round to my house.

I went, and nothing happened but we talked for hours about anything, it was lovely, he seemed a little nervous at the start but as I say nothing happened, at the very end he said 'we'll do this again'. We've had a very normal conversation since and that's it.

I would conduct myself in a way which I know is true to myself regardless of what they do. So ( because I’m a big mouth) I’d probably say something like “ this is not working for me because I like you and you’re seemingly not in the same place but all the best…. Etc “ and then keep it polite. I wouldn’t ghost because I think that’s reserved for absolute arseholes.

I tried to make it all sound as casual as possible and said I only intended it as a friendly hang out. Probably my bad.

I never said I like you, I'm interested or anything. Initially I wasn't 100% sure I found him attractive but I really liked his company and liked talking and wanted to spend more time, then I tried to be all casual and say that it was all friendly vibes and imply that I was really busy, skint etc. Then about a week later he asked me for coffee

I know games are pathetic, but we're always told that men like the chase and so on.

This all seems more complicated than necessary.

Understatement of the century. In fairness I was like this until about 30. If my wife hadn't made the first move I'd still be single.

I tried to make it all sound as casual as possible and said I only intended it as a friendly hang out.

Righto. He's got no clue. He's been as forward as he can without being a lech. If you want a guy who is very sexually aggressive this one is not for you. If you want this guy, message right now or you will procrastinate forever.

Alternatively you can cut him dead, seem like a nutter and have no clue what would have happened.

The thing is he seemed hesitant after the cinema thing so I guess I backtracked and made it sound casual as I could. I do think if he were into me he'd go see a film with me, but I could be wrong.

We don't. Most of us hate the games. We are no more mind readers than women. Games do not make healthy relationships- words do.

There is literally only one way to find out.

He didn't say no to the film to be fair, it was more like oh I'm busy but I'd like to. But I'm not stupid and I could tell.

FGS forget the games. Be your authentic self and if you get rejected take it on the chin and move on. We can’t spend our entire lives sitting there waiting to be asked out like damsels.

I might sound very old fashioned and this is probably not a popular opinion but I only see men and women as close friends if there's zero attraction on either side.
Like I probably wouldn't meet up alone for hours at a bar/talk every day to a guy unless I was sure it was more like a brother/sister thing where the thought of anything intimate was gross for us both.

He said he was busy then asked you out a week later. Seems normal to me.

Please update when he replies to your text.

For the love of God, just talk to him OP.

It goes like this:
"I'm interested in you romantically, do you feel the same way?"
If he says "yes" > date him
If he says "no" > "understood, let's chat less then"

You're definitely blowing just as hot and cold as him, by the sounds of it. Inviting him on a date then refusing to call it a date?! Woman up and use your words!

Yes true, but he asked me for drinks as opposed to a film.. so not sure what to think..

I am maybe being hot and cold too as a means of protecting myself. I've decided I'm going to not chat to him for a few days then see how I feel.

I might sound very old fashioned

You do a bit but in this context I don't think most men would do that either so early in a relationship and if they only wanted friendship they would definitely not be so flirty.

Aren't you worried that someone higher up will see all your messages and realise neither of you are doing any work?

Yeah I mean we've only met out of work twice. If it were me I'd stick to lunchtime or I'd invite him but say 'let's invite Dave too' or or something.