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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my son he should do something that earns more than teaching

347 replies

NameChangeAgainAgainAgainAgain · 07/02/2024 10:37

My son is good at everything. Parent's evening yesterday and all the teachers said he could easily get 9s at almost all his GCSEs but he's a bit lazy as he finds things quite easy.

He plays 2 instruments to grade 6+ standard. He learns fast. He's great at sciences, maths, computing.

He wants to be a PE teacher.

AIBU to tell him to think about doing something else? He could literally do anything and has chosen this. I am a bit disappointed I suppose, thought he might go Barrister/Actuary/Doctor or something.

OP posts:
Mirabai · 07/02/2024 16:14

If you’d put in your OP that your son was very bright and wanted to be a teacher, and you were worried because he didn’t know the shit sides of teaching, you’d have very different replies.

And that’s not your fault OP - AIBU is for shit and giggles - people who want kick and criticise of an afternoon.

Midwinter91 · 07/02/2024 16:14

Barristers and Drs don’t make much money. Haven’t you seen the news about strikes?

EssexMan55 · 07/02/2024 16:17

PostItInABook · 07/02/2024 11:01

COMPARED to your husbands wage a teachers wage “isn’t bad”.

But in general terms, a teacher’s wage is appalling for the work they do, the expectations and responsibilities placed upon them and the abuse they receive from students and parents.

You don’t need to take away from others to fight your own corner.

The wage is a real issue. I discounted it as a career when young because of both the low salary and the appalling micromanagement + incompetent management many teacher friends reported.

Sadly when I was at uni teaching was what many graduates did if they were not able to get into other careers. I met the odd one or two who just really wanted to teach and were really good at it + didn't care much about money, but that was uncommon. It shouldn't be something people do because they don't have other options, teaching our kids is too important.

TinyTeachr · 07/02/2024 16:18

Rather offensive. So you think teachers are stupid and only doing it because they can't do something better paid?

I had straight A* at GCSE, including doing some additional ones outside of school. By the time I left school, Ihad distinction at grade 8 in 4 instruments, plus 2 dance subjects (only did to grade 6 in ballet, I was never that good en pointe). I went to an elite university and continued my hobbies. I did postgraduate research at another university, and then my PGCE at a third.

Should I not be a teacher? Do you prefer if your children are taught by people pass qualified than me? And should my parents be disappointed in me that I'm"only" a teacher and not a barrister of doctor?

I happen to think I'm bloody good at my job. I love it. I work hard. I behavious manage Y9 on Friday afternoons....The one thing that makes it upsetting is when I come across people who assume I am less than then because I'm "only" a teacher.

Itsbeenabadday · 07/02/2024 16:18

I would be supportive of his choices just help him to be informed of what the reality of teaching looks like as it's not place for laziness lol. Also people don't seem to have one career for their entire working lives these days, if he's smart then he could start a business in whatever he fancies if he finds a passion for something - including education.

DodoTired · 07/02/2024 16:19

Of course you are not being unreasonable. He doesn’t have to become a doctor or accountant, there are plenty of other interesting and well paid job, but PE teacher??

Chylka · 07/02/2024 16:22

We need intelligent people in teaching, it’s the most important job there is. He may well end very well paid as the HT of a large secondary, in any event

101Nutella · 07/02/2024 16:24

YABU.
he is young. Things develop, people explore.
there are teachers and teachers? Pretty sure Head teachers in Academies aren’t short of a bob or 2.
he might go to uni and choose sports science and be involved in research or go on to physio- work with professional sports teams.
the sky is the limit but all he needs to do now is pass the GCSEs. A lot can change.

i don’t think it’s lazy to want to do something that doesn’t require burn out level of intellect or time. Life is more than work. But I do think he should be aware of the vocational nature of teaching and pay vs mortgage.

if I had my time again- audiologist!!! Especially now everyone has to pay privately for ear syringing !

Lovemusic82 · 07/02/2024 16:26

I’m sure most of us are not in the job we imagined we would be in when we were 16?

There’s nothing wrong with teaching, I would be happy if my dd chose that as her career, it’s something she always wanted to do but was put off when she was given the chance to run a lunch time club for year 7’s. She’s not at uni studying English lit (which is what she wanted to teach) but is now unsure what she wants to do when she finishes UNI. I would be happy if she got into teaching maybe at A level or uni level rather than teaching primary or GCSE.

Flottie · 07/02/2024 16:30

purpleme12 · 07/02/2024 10:46

He's better doing something he's happy with isn't he

This. They’re not badly paid just not top salaries. I’d rather he was happy.

Also as actuary myself you can’t be lazy with the exams!

sueelleker · 07/02/2024 16:31

YABU. Do you just want to boast about "My son the Barrister/Actuary/Doctor"?

ThisIsClearlyMe · 07/02/2024 16:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

Gatehouse77 · 07/02/2024 16:38

I think if he’s 14 there’s still plenty of time for him to change his mind as he goes through the ‘system’ and is exposed to other opportunities and experiences. In my experience, very few people stick to what they (thought) they wanted in their teens.

Do you know why he wants to be a PE teacher? Would it be worth looking at alternative sports coaching careers if he wanted to specialise?

FeetupTvon · 07/02/2024 16:38

My son is the same.
I was keen to set his sights high in life and achieve to his full potential.
Something terrible happened to a friend of his.
we now encourage him to do whatever makes him happy in life. He has GCSEs this year. We have taken away all stress and told him to do what makes him happy.
After all, that’s all that truly matters.

Chylka · 07/02/2024 16:45

That’s where we’ve been
@FeetupTvon sending love to you all (random though it may be from a stranger) 👍🏼

InSpainTheRain · 07/02/2024 16:46

Let him choose, probably on the way through he will change a few times anyway.just stay supportive of his choices and help him investigate if he asks.

BestBadger · 07/02/2024 16:47

It's not unreasonable to want him to think about something else. Even If his heart is set on PE and he goes for a Sports Science type degree, there are more options open to him than PE teacher should he want them.

Ultimately though, it's up to him. He'll choose his A levels, not you. They'll limit what degree he can apply for and after that he has a choice of job or further study.

If you think he won't be happy as a PE teacher, then encourage him to keep his options as open as he can for as long as he can.

Boomer55 · 07/02/2024 16:48

Let your adult kids want they want to be. It’s not all about money.🙂

BurbageBrook · 07/02/2024 17:01

YABU. Money isn't everything. Besides, there are lots of progression opportunities in teaching. Deputy heads, assistant heads, heads of department etc. make decent money. Many secondary heads of departments will be on 50k ish and you can often work your way up quite quickly to that point if you're bright.

fussychica · 07/02/2024 17:01

I'm sorry you think teaching isn't worthy of your son's consideration. I find that quite insulting.
My DS is Head of Languages at a large secondary school in London and I'm really proud of him for choosing teaching, which he loves. Now he's a HOD the money isn't too bad but agree it's nothing compared to his similarly aged cousins who chose law and accounting but money doesn't necessarily equate to happiness.

PE PGCE courses are pretty competitive, unlike Maths or Science but the upside is if you get in and find a job you often get promoted quite quickly because PE teachers generally have less marking so can spend more time on other aspects of the job. Many of them also teach multiple subjects. Obviously combining it with a shortage subject would be ideal if that option exists.

If he does decide to train to teach I'd let him go with it, it's not for you to decide. These days many people have multiple careers rather than necessarily making a life long commitment to their first career.

Piggywaspushed · 07/02/2024 17:08

DarkAcademia · 07/02/2024 11:07

Teacher is fine, but PE teachers are the lowest paid and most precariously employed of nearly all teaching subjects. I would be directing him towards the other careers in that field, however tangential - sports medicine, sports physiotherapy etc.

But also, as others have said, it's early days yet. Keep him working across all his subjects, and make sure he picks a-levels that keep doors open for him. Worst case scenario, we live a very long time, and as a poster above said, you can always change your mind and retrain, especially if he is as bright and versatile as you say.

Out of interest, what's your evidence about pay and precarity? Lots of PE teachers go into leadership roles.

Also, whilst morale and job satisfaction is low in the profession as a whole, satisfaction is high amongst history and PE teachers.

That aside, lots of youngsters want to be teachers and then change their mind. Teachers are their role models and guides. Let them look up to them. They are aware of vanishingly few jobs at 15 . A levels and university etc open up new worlds.

Piggywaspushed · 07/02/2024 17:10

By the way, one of the PE teachers at my school has 3 A*s at A level and a string of top GCSEs.

UtredSonOfUtred · 07/02/2024 17:12

His life, his choice I’m afraid.
Though I would feel exactly the same, OP.
Both my parents were teachers and tried hard to discourage me from also becoming a teacher. I wish every day I had listened to them, I hated teaching.
At least there is still plenty of time for him to change his mind.

Hiddenvoice · 07/02/2024 17:21

My mum was a teacher. I saw how stressed she was, I saw the workload, I saw her late nights and early starts. I helped her set up her classroom in the summer and went with her to buy loads of resources that the council and school couldn’t fund. She was exhausted and would regularly be unwell every holiday. It didn’t stop me being a teacher. She too encouraged me to go down any other route but I wanted to be a teacher and now I am one.
She just encouraged me to be me and pushed me to do my best (in a good way) that’s all you can do for your son.
Who knows, he might go into teaching and love it or he might hate it and change jobs- it happens and that’s okay. He may even go to uni and decide it’s not for him. You just need to be supportive and let him make the choice.

motorbikewoman · 07/02/2024 17:24

YABU.

My son has a first in maths from Cambridge and is teaching in an inner city comprehensive. He absolutely loves it. Of his peers - many in better paid jobs - he's the only one who's happy.