To tell my son he should do something that earns more than teaching

[NameChangeAgainAgainAgainAgain]

My son is good at everything. Parent's evening yesterday and all the teachers said he could easily get 9s at almost all his GCSEs but he's a bit lazy as he finds things quite easy.

He plays 2 instruments to grade 6+ standard. He learns fast. He's great at sciences, maths, computing.

He wants to be a PE teacher.

AIBU to tell him to think about doing something else? He could literally do anything and has chosen this. I am a bit disappointed I suppose, thought he might go Barrister/Actuary/Doctor or something.

So clever you didn’t read the thread? (OP’s a teacher and so is her DH).

To be fair, she kept that little fact out of her first post, interestingly.

"AIBU to tell him to think about doing something else? He could literally do anything and has chosen this. I am a bit disappointed I suppose, thought he might go Barrister/Actuary/Doctor or something."

Yes YABU, especially if it's something he has excitement and interest in doing.

I showed an interest in hairdressing, my mum said;
"You wouldn't want to do that, not everyone has good hygiene - The horror stories I've heard from "insert friend here" about the state of peoples hygiene. Also it doesn't pay well."
I showed an interest in being a Vet or Vet Nurse, my mum said;
"You don't want to do that, you wouldn't be able to handle seeing animals in pain or putting them to sleep"
I showed an interest in being a dog groomer, my mum said;
"Well I hope you're prepared to deal with their anal glands!"

These weren't just one time responses either, they were many times over and from many different angle all discouraging me to perusing whatever line of interest it was.

They were disappointed with all my interests as they wanted to to be a bloody singer despite being incredibly shy and despite me literally crying with terror for days on end when my dad had put me forward for BGT at one point without my consent or even want to do it.
They put down anything and everything I was keen on and made me feel stupid for even considering it.
This left me with absolutely no direction or any idea what I wanted to do and to be honest to this day has affected me job wise.
I ended up falling into freelance art which was the only thing they didn't shit on me for, and even then they told me I was doing it wrong by charging "too little" not understanding that you can't just start off charging an arm and a leg and you have to build up a following.
Then the freelancing eventually became too much as I began to earn over the tax free threshold and I've been bouncing about trying to find something less stressful ever since, still doing art here and there but nowhere near to the amount of commissions I was at before.
Bouncing between one shit job or another, not getting interviews because I'd been self employed for so long with little "normal job" experience that barely anyone would give me the time of day.

I will never understand why anyone says these types of things to their children honestly?
It really affects a kid, long into adulthood.
Money isn't the be all end all of happiness. What if your DS doesn't want to be a barrister, or a doctor, or an actuary? But feels he has to to be good enough for you? Feel he has to put up with being in a job he hates just because you didn't like his original choice?
Why do you get to decide what your son does with his life/career?
I just do not understand it.

My son is 14 as well. Academically he is very bright with an excellent memory and at parents evening last week I was told he could easily achieve 7’s + in most of his subjects.

At the moment he wants to be a barber and is very set on it. So I’m just keeping an open mind and taking him to look round colleges (my daughter is yr 11 so we are going anyway) and telling him to keep his options open.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish he’d think about doing something that I think would challenge him more (he was previously talking about engineering) but he needs to reach that choice on his own.

Whatever he chooses I will be fully supportive of and keep my opinions to myself with some light guidance.

Well mine wants to be a musician. They’re not known for being well paid but I wouldn’t dream of trying to to put him off.

If he still wants to be a teacher as he gets older, please do encourage him. It’s not an easy career but the pay is fine, he will always have interesting professional challenges, he will be able to follow his interests and above all he will have the potential to do a lot of good for others.

It doesn’t help to rank careers according to perceived prestige or earning potential. If we must do that, we might bear in mind that education in many countries is at the top of the ranking of professions. It is an admirable (though sometimes undervalued) profession.

I’ve seen people move out of law, medicine and accountancy into education, and found themselves more fulfilled for the move.

He should do what makes him happy. Learning to be happy is the most important lesson anyone can learn.

YANBU

He is in the age when he needs to learn about jobs and to understand at least a bit of their reality. And it is good to progress with more subjects and keeping the options open, not to get solely focused on the first interesting one at hand

Look at the retention rate and you wonder who tf want to be a teacher nowadays. My kids will only become teachers over my dead body.

It is early days so just let him be. He will soon figure it out.

@SpicyMoth I think your parents were kind of unusual. I haven't said anything at all to him, I was considering it, hence the post

@NameChangeAgainAgainAgainAgain - I think the best thing you can do is to encourage your son towards a sensible choice of A levels - he needs a selection that will get him into a sports science degree if he so chooses, but that will get him onto other courses too, if he changes his mind.

I assume that you’d need at least one science A level (biology) if not two, to do a sports science degree, so encouraging him towards this degree would mean he’d have to do subjects that would open up plenty of degree choices apart from sports science.

And if he does do a sports science degree, that won’t limit his choice of career post graduation to teaching.

OP, my DM had great success in making me study a subject that she felt was suitably academic for a bright child (law). She wouldn’t let me study what I wanted - psychology- because ‘ologies’ were for people who weren’t bright.
Amazing she had this knowledge considering she never achieved academic or career success herself as she chose instead to marry a wealthy man.
I hated the subject, lasted in it for 4 years and it caused irreparable damage to an already strained relationship. I now work in psychology, which I LOVE, but as a result of her actions, arrived very late to the career and will never be able to reach the level I want because parenting is getting in the way.
Let him choose.

I don't think OP is meaning to be offensive. Nearly every single person on earth has passed through a teacher at some point and shaped by the experience BUT it is a fact that is poorly paid! it is not well paid at all. Infact there is another thread going at the moment that mentions poor payment of nurses & teachers.

None of the teachers I know are advising their dc not to go into teaching. They are not being offensive about themselves they are facing the hard facts that it is a profession that is not rewarded as it should and it's evolving with a variety of responsibilities being put on teachers shoulders. Everything from academics, mental health, the list is endless. Of course some will still go into teaching in spite of the difficult working conditions and that is laudable but surely you can understand why a parent might be anxious and want to steer their dc to a different profession. It's not a personal dig at people who ARE teachers.

I wish teaching was one of those professions that was well paid, (like Investment banking or Law but alas!) so young people will be falling over themselves to train and go into the profession. Oh how that would turn so many young lives around!

If he wants to be a teacher and has a calling to do it then that's brilliant. I've always been envious of people who know what they want to do as I've never had a clue (and still don't!). It's an important profession and a brilliant teacher makes an absolutely enormous impact on thousands of lives over the years.
I'm not sure why you don't think someone who is really bright and capable wouldn't want to become a teacher. Plenty of absolutely top notch graduates go on to become teachers. I was taught by several Cambridge graduates when I was at school at my very ordinary comprehensive school. Some had gone directly into teaching after university, some had done other things (armed forces, industrial chemistry, advertising). There were other teachers too who'd been to top universities and had all sorts of qualifications and life experiences as well as being teachers.
While many teachers don't earn especially well, most make enough to live off and then some and some are very well paid indeed (e.g. executive heads). Plus what's the point in earning a six figure salary if you hate your job?
Don't dictate to your son what he should or shouldn't do and don't denigrate whole professions and laud others. Instead support and encourage him to learn about a range of careers that might interest him and play to his strengths. See if he can get work experience or just chat to someone about their job. Get him college and uni prospectuses (no it's not too early).
There's a whole world of jobs out there and if being a PE teacher is what makes him happy then good for him.

Perhaps encourage him to do the pe stuff as hobby instead of a career?

A lot of critical posts, which are understandable since teaching is one of the professions full of truly wonderful people that are completely let down in terms of pay and support in the UK.

I can understand that you want your son to use the gifts he has, to earn a financially comfortable lifestyle for himself, and in the UK, teachers are massively underpaid and under appreciated. If he wants to be a PE teacher in the UK, he would be struggling in a way he wouldn’t have to, if he’d chosen something else (and he could have been a lawyer/ analyst/ accountant/ hedge funder etc, etc, and probably been very comfortable, given his intelligence).

However, if this is his dream, you can’t really direct him to change it just because it (quite rightly) worries you. Instead, if teaching is really the dream, how about suggesting that he gets qualified and then works abroad in an international school where the students are taught in English (speaking here from Hong Kong) - the teaching environment is generally excellent, the students want to learn, and the pay is much better. He could choose to travel the world, there are so many international schools he could try for, which would be a huge opportunity for travel, possibly better than other professions could give him.

If teaching in itself is not the main motivation, can he look into roles such as sports nutritionist/osteopath/rehabilitation etc - support roles that might cater for his extra interest but with scientific knowledge, where he could maybe benefit from additional qualifications?

As long as he is well aware of the choices he is making in financial terms - although, to be fair, at that age, would any of us really have understood salary and pension differences? - you kind of have to go along with it and be his biggest supporter, but make him aware of the choices he has. At that age he won’t have noticed (for example) the highly qualified cycling coaches on the Tour de France, so can only think “sporty = school teacher” when there is a lot out there (and very financially rewarding careers) in terms of other supporting roles for sports.

Sounds like my brother. Very bright but coasted in school. Trained as a PE and English teacher, is now mid thirties and leads a very happy life. This is Ireland though where I think teacher workload is a bit lighter.

It depends on what your son's expectations from life are. Does he think he'll be a good teacher and will be enjoy it?

OP, let him make his own way in the world. Trying to be too controlling will probably backfire and he needs to learn to be independent in his choice-making (leaving aside anything dangerous or very unwise) and do what works for him.

He may well change his mind any time between now and completing a teaching degree, or move between careers later in his life. There are plenty of ways to excel in the education field too. It's not up to you and to be disappointed is very unreasonable.

But in one of the professions you prefer, OP, he might have a poorer quality of life, and spend all his time working in a job he doesn't like. However, if he is lazy then teaching probably won't suit him either.

My parents were/are almost certainly unusual!

I wasn't trying to accuse you of anything - apologies if it came off that way, I was just trying to share my own lived experience with this type of situation re; job interests when a parent decides to directly mention criticise their DC's interests and how it can have unintended long lasting affects.

Apologies again if it came off accusatory, that honestly was not my intention!

It's his life to do as he chooses. You should want him to be happy. Not pushing him into something you want him to do

God people are being really harsh with replies!

For what it’s worth OP I had the exact same conversation with my DD. She wants to be a PE teacher and I talked to her about the typical salaries vs the cost of living.

If it’s what she wants to do I will support her, but like you I’d rather she picked a career that paid better!

I'm a teaching and I've actively advised my children not to become teachers.

It can be the most amazing job in the world and I loved the early part of my career. At the moment, it's the most depressing job in the world and there is a massive recruitment and retention crisis for a reason.

He's not even GCSE age? Probably the job he will end up doing doesn't actually exist yet. Let him do what he wants, most people don't stay in school teaching anyway but a PGCE is good for other things too.

I don’t think what someone says they want to do when they’re 15/16 is of any relevance.

But if he’s genuinely considering it as a career you should absolutely tell him about the reality of teaching. When posters ask on here about mature student medicine, doctors warn how tough it is to work in the NHS atm.