My boyfriend ‘dismissed’ everything I said

[leelee30]

I have a tendency to be anxious and overthink, but I’m genuinely hurt at this.

I’ve been worrying my boyfriend is going off me but he says everytime that he isn’t, and he promises to tell me if he is.

I came to him last night upset because I took some pictures of him when we went out for dinner together and he looked really unhappy. Nothing like other times before. He was also really distracted during the dinner, looking at the football screens etc.

I told him I felt he was going off me, that he’s checked out.

He got annoyed at me, saying that he dismisses everything I said because it’s accusatory. He said he’s already told me he’s not going off me, end of. He says I’m being really immature.
i just feel like I can’t tell him anything at the moment because he says it’s accusing him and telling him how he feels. But I also feel like I have a point and I should be able to tell him these things?

im very upset

Forgot to add, his reasons were that he was tired from working all day and he had no energy

How often are you asking him these questions? I understand that you're anxious and seeking reassurance but equally, constantly having to reassure someone of the same thing is exasperating.

He's allowed to have bad days where he's not as chirpy and upbeat as normal. Why don't you believe him when he says he's just tired etc? Has he given you reasons not to trust him?

If you need constant reassurance in a relationship, then you need a partner who is happy to give it. This relationship sounds exhausting for both of you because you want something he's not offering and that's unlikely to change.

If you're scouring over photos and looking for signs of him not enjoying himself that must be absolutely exhausting for him. No one can maintain this level of reassurance. You need to chill, he probably is checking out due to your neediness.

You sound like hard work and will push him away if you continue with this behaviour. You sound exhausting. Stop badgering him.

You need to deal wirh your own insecurities- get counselling. But stop this nonsense or he will walk

It’s not usual for anyone to demand reassurance from a boyfriend that you’re not about to get dumped, or to analyse a mans face in a photo. It doesn’t sound like an easy, enjoyable relationship.

It sounds really wearing to have to deal with this relationship analysis instead of being in it and taking things as they come. Sure it's wearing for you having these feelings as well. Are you doing anything to help you manage your anxieties? Because he can't solve them for you with his answers or behaviour, there is nothing he can say to reassure you so he might as well dismiss it.

You are going to drive him away with your neediness and insecurities.

You sound exhausting! I’d check out of such a repetitive conversation too!

He should run for the hills, that kind of badgering is very tiresome and immature.

What are your reasons for thinking he is going off you? How long have you been together? Could you decide not to mention your worries to him for at least two weeks? For a month?
If he is going off you, asking him won't change that. If you are repeatedly asking for reassurance he might be feeling annoyed and worn down.

I think you are likely to be killing your relationship with this relentless nagging

Have you done this in previous relationships and pushed someone to leave, creating more insecurity? This sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You are out for dinner with your boyfriend, and you take lots of photos of him - Why ?!!!

You then spend a lot of time analysing and examining these photos
Why ?!!!

for proof that he is going off you ?

I guess you are very young if you are taking photos at dinner, I thought anyone doing that was taking photos of the meal - ( Remember that's why you are out for dinner,) for tik tok / Insta / Facebook and this is usually done young people.

Older people are there to enjoy the food / choose a nice wine etc. to chat and enjoy each other's company.

I'd also be really irritated if the person I was with wanted to take so many photos of me, (no wonder he was looking at the football screens)

I think you need to seek help or else your acts will be the end of the relationship.

This is definitely a you problem, you're pushing him away

Sounds like a recipe for self-fulfilling prophecy.. You think he is going off you, you start acting in a way that makes him go off you.
Your boyfriend is under no obligation to feel chirpy every moment he spends with you. If I had a rough day at work and came home to a display of photographic evidence of me being less than enthusiastic and my partner demanding an immediate proclamation of undying love, I think I would be similarly annoyed.

I do agree with pps although some are a little harsh!
I agree he doesn't need to be chipper all the time. However, if he's grumpy most of the time, he might just not be the best personality for you! That's OK. But asking these questions won't help. He might just default to fairly grumpy. Wouldn't be for me.

Edited: I reread the OP and it was my comprehension that was faulty: he was only subdued this ONE EVENING?? Now concur with the pps I previously thought were being harsh!

Holy doley you give me the ick!!! Sorry but you need to either relax and learn to enjoy the relationship or see someone about your anxieties as others have said 100% you are pushing him away as I couldn’t handle someone cross examining my face in a photo

So he's on his phone and you're taking photos of him and scrutinising his expression>

What a great night out that was!

You’re not going to want to hear this as it’s very blunt but you don’t seem to be in an emotionally mature enough state to be in a relationship. You need to seek counselling for your anxieties because he’s not your therapist and his feelings will if they haven’t already become second-place to yours. This sort of behaviour is always completely unfair and exhausting for the other person. He is right, you are throwing accusations at him after him giving you constant reassurances because you’ve scrutinised his face in photos for being tired which is understandable from his point. His word should be enough. This is not even close to normal behaviour from you and is verging on emotionally abusive. Do the poor lad a favour and let him go and get yourself into a position where you can be a proper partner who can offer him emotional support that he needs too instead of always being the one to drain him continuously. You know you have problems, you need to take responsibility and act to fix them.

If you carry on like that you'll definitely put him off you.

I would break up with you for your off-the-charts neediness. Nobody with healthy boundaries would tolerate your behaviour. Anyone who does is most likely an abuser seeking to exploit your vulnerability.

You need to end this relationship for everyone's sake and get some therapy before you contemplate another.

F