Trigger warning as this mentions a pedophile

[Solarus]

Trigger warning as this mentions a pedophile
This is a true ongoing case. Posted on behalf of a person involved who wishes to remain anonymous.
I will not say as to which side of this case they belong.

Please note that this has been extremely simplified, but the person involved would like unbiased opinions on who is making the right and/or wrong choice.

Real names have not been used, below you will see code names.

Mother (M)
Daughter (DD)
Mothers Best Friend (MBF)
Best Friends Husband (BFH)

Things to take into consideration.

Mum and best friend are very close and have been friends for many years (before best friend met husband).

Mum is a single mum to a young girl and older boy.

Best friend's husband would baby sit while mum had a break from the children and spent some time with best friend.

Last year, (DD) of 4 years old told her (M) something that was not right.
(M) acted upon what she was told and got to the truth.

The truth was that her (BFH) has done unspeakable things to her 4yo (DD).

When confronted the (BFH) admitted he had done wrong, so whilst the (M) made the call to the police, the (BFH) went and handed himself in.

Initially (MBF) was just as upset and angry as everyone else.

However after a few months things change and the (MBF) decides to stand by her husband believing he is just sick and will get better.

(M) had to cut contact with (MBF) in the best interests and safety of her (DD).

The questions here in all of this, although broken down and very simplified, is the (MBF) making the right choice risking her whole future, friends and family for her husband knowing everything he did?

Has the (M) done the right thing cutting off the (MBF)?

Please also note the police have and still are dealing with all of this. The victims' family are getting all the care and support they need and are doing well.

Yes, she absolutely should cut contact with her best friend. I think it's shocking that the best friend is standing by her husband! Horrific. I hope the little girl and her mum are getting support.

The mother has made the only choice she can. The former best friend is responsible for her own idiocy in going back and shacking up with a known pedophile and as an adult is responsible for the consequences of her decision to do so. She must also make sure that she does not endanger any other dc by refraining from any relationships and friendships with people that would provide access to dc.

What an awful situation. I'm pleased that the DD is getting the care that she needs and her mother acted quickly when she learned wfat was happening.

In answer to your question, mother has done the right thing cutting all ties with friend. IMO, said friend shouldn't be supporting her husband and he deserves all that he gets.

Agree

Has the (M) done the right thing cutting off the (MBF)?

absolutely.

The mum has done absolutely the right thing.

The mum's best friend should be getting divorced.

Sadly I have heard women make all sorts of excuses for their child abusing husbands.

Is the (MBF) making the right choice risking her whole future, friends and family for her husband knowing everything he did?

No. It’s good that her husband at least confessed and handed himself in, but there’s no way I could be with someone who did what he did. Also, I’d have to assume that he’ll always be a risk to children, even if he says he wants to change.

Has the (M) done the right thing cutting off the (MBF)?

Yes. I definitely think this is the best thing for the DD. What message would it give her if her mum stayed in contact with the woman who was living with her abuser? Not cutting contact with the friend would also mean that mum and DD might come into contact with the abuser again, because he’d still be in the background.

Mothers best friend is disgusting staying with a paedophile. Nothing or nobody should ever forgive a person who hurts a child.

Baffled someone would ask this tbh

In my mind no doubt - MBF is wrong to stick with her H, M has done right thing cutting off MBF if she is so gullible.
DD age 4 needs to never see this man again and be kept safe at all costs.
It is unlikely that a paedophile will ever lose the urges that cause them to do such vile things (despite having treatment).
Whole idea of doing unspeakable acts to a 4 year old is abhorrent!

Take it from someone who's been abused as child: paedophiles do not "get better", they can't be rehabilitated. They need locking up forever and they will always be a danger to children. There's no "cure", whatever some doctors might say

M has done the right thing. Absolutely.
Her best friend has sadly made the decision she has, despite knowing that her H is not just a paedophile, but has used her to gain access to children that he has abused.

That kind of guilt I wouldn't be able to shake in her shoes to be honest.

The mother has done the right thing. Hope she and the little girl are okay x

Absolutely.

I was SA'd at a similar age.

He had abused a child in the family before, he went through court, found not guilty- not enough evidence!

He then went on to abuse every child he had access to. Despite being "better" and being "watched around the kids in the family"

They don't ever really get better, just better at lying and manipulating people.

M has absolutely done the right thing, and MBF has not. It is disgusting to stand by someone who has done this to your best friends young daughter, and there is no way I could remain in any form of contact with them in that situation.

Has the (M) done the right thing cutting off the (MBF)?

God, yes. There is absolutely no way M should have any contact with an MBF who determined to stay with a man who has admitted sexually abusing ANY child, let alone M’s own daughter.

MBF has made her choice. I think it’s an abhorrent choice, but it’s up to her. It will work out badly for her, but if she wants to ruin her life and defend paedophiles, it’s her problem. I imagine she will lose all her friends, but again, that’s her problem. I have zero sympathy for her decision to stay with her partner.

This. Couldn't have said it better and the woman staying with him deserves every miserable minute she gets.

How is this even something to debate/ask for views on.

M is 100% correct and MBF is 100% wrong and a complete and utter desperado.

Not really up for debate if the mother is doing the right thing is it. Of course she needs to do everything she can to protect her child.

The best friend however is free to make her own choices; even if we don’t agree with them. It must be difficult for her to come to terms with too, I think in time she will possibly come to regret this decision but it’s hers to make.

The mother has done the right thing, absolutely cut someone off who stands by a monster yes.

Do you really need to ask?

Mother has made made the right choice is dumping the friend who is standing by a pedophile!! Her poor DD!

How does a woman stay with a pedophile?? That is positively vomit inducing!! How do you forgive that? Stand by that?? I'm lost for words!!

I know you can't really know how you'll react to something until it happens, but I really can't countenance staying with someone who not only is a pedophile, but chose to act on those inclinations by abusing a child. You can't necessarily change who you're attracted to, but you can absolutely chose whether or not you act on those feelings. Although I couldn't stay with someone who even "just" had those inclinations.

Even if it was a close relation (dad / brother) I think I would cut them out of my life, let alone a boyfriend!

The mother is absolutely doing the right thing.

I know of a similar case where the wife of the offender stood by him. Then it came to light that he had done way more than anyone knew at the time. Finally the woman came to her senses and left him. I wouldn't be surprised if the mbf eventually gets there too - but meantime the most important thing is protecting the children.

There's no way I could be friends with someone that sided with a child abuser.

Years ago (20ish) my best mate's DD was sexually assaulted by the husband of a 'mum friend' of hers at a BBQ/play date sort of event with other neighbours.

Police called. Husband arrested. Laptop seized. Child abuse images found. B's DD wasn't the only child assaulted - pictures he'd taken 😪All hell breaks loose.

The 'mum friend'? Sticks by her nonse of a husband! No body speaks to her ever again and quite fucking rightly.